Have you ever been in a Jack wagon?

And I dont mean as the driver :-D

I have; only the once but it will live with me forever.

Had blisters all over ma tootsies while doing the first ever JMC in Kosovo (I'm RLC incidentally) and whilst tabbing/hobbling around south of Pristina the SI,a CSgt from the RM,shouted me over and said "In the wagon young 'un..."

The rest of the conversation went something like this:

Me: "But Colours,I'm alright, its ok, I'll crack on.."

CSgt: "Shut up and get in the fucking wagon."

Me,near to tears: "Colours, I dont want to,Ive never been in one in ma puff.I dont want marked down, theres not long to go anyway."

CSgt: "Look, you daft cunt;the command tasks start in 2 days and if you cant fucking walk you cant do it so you'll get fucking binned.Just get in the fucking wagon and get prepped for your command task.This doesnt affect anything."

Me,unconvinced: "Are you sure Colours? Its the jack wagon...."

CSgt: "For fuck's sake,Ive just fucking told you. Now get in"

I then climbed in, a dejected and brow-beaten figure.

Never been in one since,mind :)
Again only the once but that was when I was bitten by a fecking huge dog while in the middle of a CFT.

Some clearly insane boxhead was taking their pet wolf for a drag through the woods and on spotting us lot wandering past it decided to try and eat us all. Despite the whole squad bomb bursting with roughy tuffty manly cries of "Get the fucking thing away from me" and "Arrgh help help" it still chased after us and managed to bite at least 3 or 4 guys me included in the calves/ankles.

I think the manky cur probably had Elboarabies or something.

That was the only time though.
Been in the cripple cart a few times. Mainly due to injuries; but once due to the combination of a fearsome hangover and an unexpectedly hot day. Puking green bile and mumbling incoherently as I was dragged round the training area, then suddenly shitting brown liquid into my lightweights and falling down didn't endear me to the PT staff. My insistence that I'd been watching TV in the block all night and had food poisoning from the Cookhouse, didn't survive an examination of the Guardroom log that showed me booking back into camp at 4AM. I was severely punished over the following week. Live and learn......
Used to be based in the same Camp as 4 ADFA, they used to leave their 432's unlocked,
great place for a skive and a quick kip, that's the only time.
NO, but as i was in the Cavalry,you would hardly expect us to jack it,unlike your mere mortals.


War Hero
Nope, never. Only once had a biff chit and once off sick (normally get crook at weekends - bad drills). That said, I’ve been pretty ineffective on a number of occasions at work owing to being shitfaced the day after.


Book Reviewer
NO, but as i was in the RAF, the furthest I walked was from my room to the hotel reception when the lift was broken.
No thanks needed for me either.


Once....and it still haunts me, got loads of jabs and it turned into a screaming queer !
Once after being clattered by a blind cunt on a bike who could'nt see me apparently holding traffic as the troop crossed, Hi-viz vests have no impact relieving properties.

edited for biffness
Cross country move on Soltau, early '80s, half asleep in the gunner's seat of a Chiefy and my left leg resting on the fibreglass plate along the breach. Track goes up a rise, breach goes up and barrel goes down. Leg slides under plate, knee under elevation gearbox. Wagon crests the rise, barrel goes up, breach comes down trapping knee between plate and elevation gearbox. My reactions were pretty shit-hot for a sleeping Dummy, because I grab the controller just in time and actually depress instead of elevate (hate to think what would have happened if I'd got that the wrong way round), smacking the barrel down on the driver's head (sorry again Tam).

Cue one Dummy slithering up through the commander's hatch (commander still in situ, fuck knows how I got past the fat git), squealing like a stuck pig and laid out on the back decks with a left knee the size of a football.

The Jack wagon was only two behind us, so I was duly stretchered off (no mean feat in a wagon notoriously converted into a CP). My main concern was that they wanted to cut my covies and lightweights off (QMs were a pain to exchange stuff).

24 hrs later, full of brufen and knee strapped up tighter than Sally Thomsetts tits, the Dummy was back in the gunners seat.

I don't remember ever falling asleep sat in that hole again. :)

Similar threads

New Posts