Have you comitted a crime and want to say sorry

#1
We have seen a bloke dress himself as a suicide bomber, incite religious hatred and incite murder, these must constitute numerous crimes in the UK. And he appears to of got away with it by saying sorry.

Well here are some crimes I would like to say sorry for.

Speeding on numerous occasions - Sorry
Tesco petrol garage - You never charged for the twix I bought with my petrol, I stiil took it. - Sorry
Skipping a few red traffic lights, especially those road work lights - Sorry
The woman I left asleep in a B and B a few years ago. - Sorry (ps did you pay the bill? sorry)

Oh there are many many more, need time to think . . .

That feels better, knowing that I am automatically forgiven.
 
#2
Sorry to the bloke whose push bike I borrowed outside the pub to get home. Did you find it in the hedge four miles away?
Sorry to the person who owned the car I scratched with the trolley at Asda. T Cut works a treat. You would be pleased to know the trolley was OK.
Sorry to the bloke at work whose tea tasted a bit odd. I needed a lag and your mug was nearby.....
Sorry to the BBC. I have been watching your channel all year and haven't paid. Mind you, I don't intend to either. So is that really sorry?
 
#3
Has he apologised for dealing drugs yet?

msr
 
#4
Sorry for bashing the guy who raped my ex-girlfriend with a baseball bat...Louisville Slugger £25, petrol to XXXXXXX £14.90, look on his face when he opened his front door..STRIKE! Priceless..

Also big sorry to the rivers Agency for polluting your lovely waterways with a Louisville slugger baseball bat, used once...

Sorry that we have a government so craven, indecisive and hampered by a bizarre ideology of permissiveness to people who want to destroy our society and replace it with Ummah...but as I voted against this bunch it isn't really for me to apologise.
 
#5
He's just been sent back to prison while the authorities consider whether he's broken the good behaviour clause in his early release. Let's see, is dressing up as a suicide bomber bad behaviour or is it just legitimate self-expression....?

Better get together a focus group or three to think about this one. Oh hang on, I've just found the answer on thebleedingobvious.com
 
#6
Lucky_Jim said:
He's just been sent back to prison while the authorities consider whether he's broken the good behaviour clause in his early release. Let's see, is dressing up as a suicide bomber bad behaviour or is it just legitimate self-expression....?

Better get together a focus group or three to think about this one. Oh hang on, I've just found the answer on thebleedingobvious.com
His brief will just rustle up some pictures of a bunch of 14 year old Walts wearing the same gear, and claim he got lost on the way to an air-soft game.
 
#7
Id like to say sorry to the bloke whos car windscreen i broke by thowing a bike that id "borrowed" to get home from the pub on, over the back wall at caithness barracks in verden. sorry mate didnt know your bmw was there - honest
 
#8
To "P," sorry about snitching you off to get released when were caught with your illegal substances. Sorry about your five-year sentence, too.

It was inevitable anyway, considering no cop in the state would buy that you were carrying 2oz of Peruvian marching powder "for personal use." Please believe me when I say emphatically from the bottom of my heart:

Better you than me, you stupid crackwhore.
 
#9
Osacin, what about the cars someone damaged in Moosbach.

Mine
Sorry Neil, I never told you a gave your wife one, worth it though.
Sorry Tesco, my daughter inadvertently put a bottle of wine in the bag on the self service the other week. Try charging her !!!!!!! I nearly took it back but it tasted so bad I probably did you a favour.
MTO - sorry sir, I was only doing 105 down the M4 last October, in the military car.
Chief Clerk - OK so I borrowed a couple of / a few / alright a lot / alright all of your pens / stationery, but they were for the lads.
Sorry Bob, for using your driving licence in Arizona for speeding. Fear not, you got a citation, which sounds ever so good. Just means you cant go back there.
 
#10
Sorry for helping to steal the RSM's moped and placing it on the mess roof as a mascot.
Sorry for stealing the wine from the mess kitchen during speeches.
Sorry for reversing the landrover into a Renault in Sainsburys car park and driving off.
Sorry for dangling my wedding tackle in the instructor's coffee (it was hot)
Sorry for running over the rooves of half a dozen cars with Mad Bob on the way back from The Squirrel in 1986
Sorry for ripping the curtain holders off the window frames of the entire railway carriage on the way back from Bagshot in 1985

actually I'm not sorry but hey, I entered into the spirit for a moment.
 
#11
Bobos - Wasnt me wot damaged the cars in moosbach - me 'n' jeff didnt attend that camp - we were busy jumping out of aeroplanes in lipspringe at the time so have a perfect allibi - have to find another guilty party - now, if your on about cars in verden on the way home from a pub and collecting wing mirrors thats a different matter.
 
#12
Bobos - as a matter of interest - who was it put the bacon on bate's office door, and who took a saw to brummies pace stick ?????
 
#14
But you couldnt forget neil's wife - did she ever say sorry to him for putting bleach in the shampoo and turning his hair orange ????
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#16
I have committed no crimes, they were all just self-expression.

It was self-expression when I removed that pair of jeans from Next.
It was self-expression when I clipped that cyclist on the A405 in N London and kept going as he picked himself off the side of the road (Hey - he's alive isn't he!!)
It was self-expression when I removed all those car badges from the parked cars in a car park in Yorkshire in 1988

So, I have nothing to be sorry about. Ha!
 
#18
cait said:
Cuddles said:
Sorry for bashing the guy who raped my ex-girlfriend with a baseball bat...
Did she take the whole bat?
Sideways or 'normally'? :D
 
#19
Thank you all, I now realise that the 24 years I have spent being a total CNUT to many people was relatively normal.

PS good effort with the Louisville Slugger, Was it one of the satin black ones or a natural wood colour? I had a satin black one beautiful piece of kit.
 
#20
Bennett said:
Thank you all, I now realise that the 24 years I have spent being a total CNUT to many people was relatively normal.

PS good effort with the Louisville Slugger, Was it one of the satin black ones or a natural wood colour? I had a satin black one beautiful piece of kit.
Lovely matte black and red finish by the time it was finished with..then into bin bag and add half a brick before lobbing into river. Job done.

Cait, StabTiffy - play nice now!
 

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