Have I been had over?

Last night I was enjoying a shower when the doorbell went. Mrs. Veg answered it and shouted upstairs "have you got any money?" (rhetorical question in Chez Veg) and I directed her to my wallet. When I'd dried my Adonis-like body and changed into my silk kimono I padded manfully downstairs to ask her why she'd needed the money and who'd been at the door.

I was prepared to have a go at her in case she'd given the local trick or treat Halloween brigade any money, as she'd tried very hard to stop me wiring the door up to a car battery. Anyhow, she told me it was two young girls in combats and berets. I immediately thought that my repeated romantic PMs to Kathy West had finally paid off but, NO! It was apparently the local CCF going door-to-door for the Poppy Appeal.

Here in the Veg household it's the only charity apart from Macmillan Nurses that we support (the missus was an Army brat), so a tenner goes in. They had poppies and a collecting tin but I've never experienced this form of collecting before.

So, were we had over by two cunning con-artists or was this legit?

V!

 

"check their charity passes"

This public services anouncement was brought to you via BBC's Watchdog

 

Vegetius,

When did you change your avatar? What happened to the lovely Angelina Jolie?

 

Despite my fourteen-plus years of coppering, and almost constant moaning to Mrs. Veg about such crime prevention issues, she remains an extremely gullible ditz.

Had it been me at the door they would have had to prove who they were, including performing an impromptu drill test in my front garden.

V!

 

I used to do the RAFA wings appeal door to door , and I'm sure I had a poppy seller over the door step last year

We used to get loads of abuse for the RAFA one for some reason, acused rafa of swindling vets and all sorts

 

Angelina needed a break. Monica Bellucci is my new pash, and there are plenty more avatars of this Perugian goddess for you to enjoy.

Hmmm. Ange and Monica knocking on my door in combats. Hmmm.

V!

 

Best way is to check with your local CCF, you should be able to walk in and talk to their commander direct or if that is too scarey have a word with your local British Legion, but that might be even scarier.

 

Likely to be kosher. Where would two girls steal two uniforms that sort of fitted, a box of poppies and a collection box?

If they did nick it all then they deserve the cash for their ingenuity.

 

Aye but did you at least get a poppy?

 

No, Mrs. Veg said "we can afford to get two more tomorrow."

She is very generous....with my money.

V!

 

You've been had, we got warned about this last week. Best thing to do is to stop them doing a runner by luring them in to meet your 'Grandad' who got an MM in the first war. Tell them he's working in the cellar/cupboard under the stairs and lock them in it. Under the Treason Felony Act 1848, persons seeking to obtain "funds of money or information likely to be useful in pernicious circumstances" whilst dressed as members of "the Armed Services and it's ancilliaries, the Police and uniformed citizens groups such as the Girls' Guides" are commiting an arrestable offence. The Police and Criminal Evidence Act 1984 specifically empowers citizens to arrest those suspected of Treason and Treasonous Felony. Unfortunately, the only evidence of the crime they have committed is the uniforms they wear. The little sh1ts are sneaky and will destroy their uniforms while the Pol-pol are on their way and accuse you of being a paedo or somesuch. Best bet is to debag them down to their knickers and vest, nick their collection pot (also evidence) then lock them in your cellar and await the congratulations of the Five-Oh. If you're in a Thames Valley or West Mercia patch, they generally won't mind if you knock em around a bit either, so long as you don't do it in front of them obviously. 90% of the old geezers stood outside Tescos in their Legion blazers are pulling a fast one too. Best bet is beast em with a bit of pokey drill and rag them round the recycled shoe bin and back, just to be sure.

 

Ahh the wise words of wisdom from RTFQ!

The man has spoken

 

Sounds like you have been had, but not by the girls in uniform. After years of being married to a copper Mrs V has started a hobby of "Crime". It started off small, stealing your socks. Now she is one of Londons biggest crime lords. Ever wonder where she finds money for all of her shoes? The gold plated TV Remote?

The con is quit simple. While you where in the shower knocking one off to the thoughts of A.J in a nurse's uniform, complete with silk stockings with the seam running up the back of her shapley legs before it stops mid thigh, revealing the giggle gap ...... sorry where was I...

Mrs V flips through your wallet, deposits a few notes into her hand bag and skim's you credit cards for good measure. She then knock on the door, shouts up to you " Wallet/Money needed" then goes to make a cup of tea.
You ask what it was all about.... "Oh, just some girls in uniform collecting".

Did you see the young girls?

If I was you I would strip search her and use your handcuffs just to be on the safe side

 

V, I've done RAFA appeals door-to-door in the past like Polar69, but never Poppy Collections in that way. I know it might vary from area to area, but every time I was with the RBL, it was on the local high street, being threatened on pain of death-by-false-teeth "not to shake the bloody tin".