Harry Carrot and the Thread of Death

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by vvaannmmaann, Jul 22, 2013.

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  1. Book review.

    I have just read the latest in this trilogy.I could not put it down!
    Set in the fantasy world of Arrselandia,the story concentrates on the epic struggle of the brave Knights of Arrsey to hunt down and
    claim as theirs the elusive and mysterious Holy Cock.
    The story is a roller coaster of emotions,epic (verbal) battles,highly descriptive and erotic sex scenes and just a touch a humour.
    The verbal jousting did become a little repetitive and predictable,but thankfully it was fast paced enough to keep this reader enthralled.
    I found it like watching a multiple car crash,and although you know you should not keep watching,it is impossible to tear yourself away.

    Finally as in all good fantasies,everyone was saved by Slaggy The Fairly Princess.She flew in on her gossamer wings,spoke reason and calm was then restored as the Great Grand Moddy of Modshire drew a veil of silence across the epic adventure.

    I'm sure the third and final book will ensure that all the loose ends are neatly brought together,and the evil trolls will be banished from Arrselandia.
  2. Bit early to hit the Brasso isn't it?
  3. greetings and salutations

    Does said publication have a plethora of pictures ? I do like to participate in a nice colouring in session ??.........

  4. To add a touch more humour I've put in a couple of posts from the "Free Book" thread from a while back......

    Baz, a master chief pretty orifice in the Puerto Rican Navy sea Lions climbed aboard his inflatable Lino and paddled from the semi submerged nuclear sub.
    He headed for the beach at a speed of around 10 knots or 200 miles an hour depending on who you believe, he checked the chamber on his double barreled assault machine gun for the fourth time, as he was a flapping cunt.
    In all his time in the sea lions he had never flapped this much, if he screwed up just this much (imaginary fingers pinch together) he knew his CO would have him flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog shit out of Hong Kong just like in top gun.
    There was also a chance that oyster bin lidl's might escape and continue to sell dodgy Persian rugs on the Pakistani black market.
    As he neared the beach he cut the engine on his oar, and coasted the last 40 miles, he stepped from his lino like Jack sparrow onto the beach without even getting wet, but not until checking he'd made his sidearm, a hellfire missile, ready.
    He stealthily crept up the beach silently taking out 2 sentries with well aimed double taps, the type you get in posh hotels that make very little noise and are really easy to get the hot / cold ratio right so you don't scald your sack when having a gentleman's wash.
    After infiltrating the enemy stronghold by pretending to be a pest control specialist just like in Bad boys, Baz proceeded to.......

    another passage from Inside the Puerto Rican navy sea lions......by a pair of bullshitting cunts.

    Baz looked around him, the firefight was horrendous, the Landover mud flaps nailed to bits of 2x1 were crap at putting the flames out.
    Baz hadn't seen enemy resistance this thick, since the assault on the learning support center in 03.
    He unleashed a burst from his double barreled assault machine gun, knowing that even if he missed, someone would later make a film of it where he didn't.
    Luckily the tea towel wearing indigenous local fell backwards, stunned by the amount of Kit Baz had strapped to his rig.
    He just needed to Hold the LZ long enough to extract the "package" Argos was a fucking nightmare at Christmas.
    Over the sound of the gunfire the noise of the rotors could be heard as the "Paul Daniels" made it's approach. It was kind of like a merlin but a bit more gash and with a rodent faced sidekick hanging in it's slipstream.
    Baz heard a garbled message on the tactical com net headset he had forgotten to take off after playing Call of Duty....."not now steely eyed killer USA 14.....I'm working"
    The chopper thumped down right behind Baz, the door gunner opened up with his M6, which was a bit like an M4 only the traffic around Birmingham is fucking devastating.
    As the chopper gunner covered him Baz Pairs fired and manouvered by himself back to the door, strapping himself in with a bungee.
    The sound of the firefight faded into the distance as the chopper pulled away to the safety of the carrier that was waiting ever so slightly out of small arms range.
    The net squawked......who's left this net here? Baz asked, "there's a fucking seagull caught in it"

    On the deck of the carrier "the Muchos Cuntos" Puerto ricos finest naval vessel, the CO of Bazs sea lion team "sea lion team 1" approached "good work Baz, another job well done."
    With this Package in our possession we can strike a major blow in the war against terrorism-ist-ness.
    this goes against all my better judgment, but I'm promoting you from master chief, to master blaster, you'll pick up your shoulder mounted mong saddle at the QM's we've got a downie waiting for you in the hangar, he's a well trained and good in a fight.
    Prep for your next task, we need to send you to a post apocalyptic wasteland to free a population from a tyrant......
    Baz replied instantly sir yes sir......errr where to boss
    Wrexham Baz...I know, I know, it's death on a stick up there, but sea lions are the only unit who could possibly succeed.
    Will I get any back up boss?
    No Baz...we are Puerto rico, we are fucking skint.....and also full of shit......our special forces are the only elite unit in the world to be trained by the elite 2 squadron RAF regiment, you don't need back up.....you can big time the shit out of any cunt shamelessly riding the reputations of other elite units.....those fucking Northwalian cunts won't know what hit em.

    Now get below deck your mongo is waiting......

    I really do think I could write a decent piss take soldiery book, if I didn't get bored so easily.......
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