Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by LazyCaretaker, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Vic wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he
    comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
    The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It
    is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks
    the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

    "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is
    outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it
    from the rain." And he hands Vic a jar of Vaseline.

    That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents.
    Naturally, they take the bike there.

    But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to
    tell you something about my family before we go in."

    "When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says
    anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

    "No problem," he says. And in they go.

    Vic is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack
    of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on
    the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

    They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

    As dinner progresses, Vic decides to take advantage of the situation. So he
    leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and
    fondles her breasts.

    Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off,
    throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her
    parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid,
    and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

    He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the
    mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which
    way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her
    dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

    All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain.

    Vic remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket.

    Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's
    enough, I'll do the fucking dishes!"