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Hard target driver!!

Just remembered when I was attached to CSqn 1 RTR around 1990 when the SSM paraded a couple of Nigs for hard target driving on Hohne ranges.

Both lads were kitted out in flak jackets and helmets and briefed that their body heat would show up on TOGS to help the gunners - all they had to do was sit in the hulks until relieved.

Poor little scousers were driven out about 1500m and put into the targets - unbelievably they both stayed at their posts even though 14 chieftains were lined up on the point!

The SSM took pity after leaving them there for about 10 mins - it was ******* funny at the time I think one of them was Tpr Citrene who was always known as latrine.

Another time tiff sent a niggy crafty off to get a glass hammer - would you believe it! a couple of hours later he came back with one of those ones you get on a bus to break the windows - he was well smug!

I heard about another lad who was sent to collect a chainsaw for repair but was detoured en route to deliver a note to the badge. he tabbed in to the office and delivered the note with the chainsaw in the shoulder arms position - the badge was not impressed when said note said:


Whats the best nig windup you've seen?
Haha, they are some good ones.

Well there is the blatantly obvious, but never fails to catch them out 'Check the reverse light on the tank one', funny when the guy falls for it, but even funnier when the guy checking shouts that it's working okay.

Staffy "reverse light?"
1RTR TPR "yeah"
Staffy "erm, you sure?"
TPR "yep, it's fine"

A few people tried to catch me out with some tricks on my first BATUS, but I was far too sceptical from the stuff I had heard before to fall for any. Although this resulted in me telling people to **** off when they were being serious.
Queens Bays, Palmanova, Italy 1946.
SSM 'Paddy ****, observing Trooper 'X' using grease gun on Comet road wheels and asking what he was doing?
Trooper 'X', "Pumping tyres up Sir".
SSM. Paddy '****, "Good to see 'B' Sqd. doing maintanence!"
Same SSM when told that "Big end had gone"
replied " Double the Guard , these Ities'll pinch anything!"


i've crewed a target tank!!!! :D grey cent now residing outside bovvy tank museum :wink: they use to call us in when the remote control chiefy at Larkhill broke down.

tank telephone to operator so you could call home for free.......or coke can dispenser! :twisted:
How about going to the Tech Dep for a long weight - and then being stood outside for about two hours!

Or going to get some striped paint - I have seen that one work too.
Witnessed in Lothian Barracks NAAFI a young Tpr asking where on the shelves he could find the "Bulling Ring's" Also a telephone quiz on Site Guard, Ops to one of the towers, The Question was what is the Part Number of an army battery? Un-named Tpr opens his tower equipment box, hurriedly he opens the right angled torch, urghhh, 2 **** covered batteries fall into his hand!
Sending a NIG to Tech to get a new bubble for the Field Clinometer!! Worked fer fecking years until the RQMS(T) actually managed to get a bubble in a little glass tube and sent a NIG back with it one day!!!!
Ringing up the guardroom at your old training establishment and saying this is an urgent BATCO message from Centom, for the CO.


Made me laugh.
105AVRE said:
i've crewed a target tank!!!! :D grey cent now residing outside bovvy tank museum :wink: they use to call us in when the remote control chiefy at Larkhill broke down.

tank telephone to operator so you could call home for free.......or coke can dispenser! :twisted:
What remote control chiefy. My first command, just had a comd & dvr- Cent trgt tank Tidders for use on the Larkhill range for moving trgt swingfire practice 1977.
tankie88 said:
Oiling the track pins on Cheiftain.
I Remember Hotlips sending his nig to me on the ARV with an oil can and asking if it was ok to start on my tracks, yes I said I dont know how many C/S he did but they all let him get on with it, character building we used to call it then and humour.
That's what we were up there for....SWIG trials or something - to do with Swingfire. Apparently when the chiefy broke down (as far as i remember it was remote?) they called us up from the RE at vehicle sqn to crew it. Having only just got rid of all our cents circa 92-94 we still had trained blokes. 8)
After the Germans were complaining about the amount of rubber left on the rango roads around Hohne, we got one of the new Tpr's to go and stamp the registration on the pads with one of the REME letter punch kits. Told him it was so the rubber could be traced, he tried for hours.
A brand new Reccy Mech taking the stale air out of his wrecker tyres as it had been picked up on its MEI that the air was over six months old.

A couple of Techs trying to tow start a 16/24 genny.

Bloke going up to the metalsmith with a dipstick and asking him to put a bit on the bottom of it, as it wasn't touching the oil!

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