Happy News

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by 4-8-Alfa, Aug 9, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Happy news

    If you could write your own news headline depicting happy news what would you say?

    Starters for 10.

    Bloke who chucks thief out of 4th floor window gets OBE.
    Immigrants mass exodus to France.
    British soldiers pull out of Iraq, Afghanistan
    No more friendly fire from US troops (yea right)
    NIMBY neighbours in Ashtead, Surrey open their doors to injured soldiers.
    Something nasty happens to Jerry Adams
  2. Osama bin Laden found having died natural death, beatific grin on his face with a note for G W Bush reading:

    "Yo Bush. I beat you."
  3. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Blair to be tried for war crimes
  4. Journos used to be so much more subtle in my day...
  5. His post sounds nothing like a Journo post - anyway, when was the last time you saw a news story with a pleasant headline?

    My tuppence...

    "Jeremy Clarkson annouced as PM - Immediately expels Illegal Immigrants to France, withdraws troops for Iraq & Afghanistan, and annouces a derestricted motorway speed limit."
  6. Pete Docherty is finally jailed (like anyone else would have been instead of pawned over by a judge)

    The Government has been abducted by aliens, latest reports that they the aliens want to give them back to us, we refuse

    Lord Lucan has been living in New Zealand all this time (nah, too far fetched)
  7. Niiice.

    'New PM announces reforms for Armed Forces, including higher pay, better living conditions and preferential medical treatment for serving members and veterans'
  8. piespies you could not be more wrong if you tried.

    Thanks goon
  9. I f*ck dead women. Isn't that more wrong?
  10. "Plans for brand new military hospitals announced"


    "Blair dissappears, suicide note found"


    "James Blunt promses never to go near a recording studio again, on pain of dissembowelment by music lovers everywhere"

    I think we'd all prefer the first one though.
  11. Its in today's Express, except he's not getting an OBE he got arrested. The crim is VSI in hospital.
  12. Thats not news - we already knew that.
  13. Good stuff, hope it hurts. :evil:
  14. 'Government ban on Marmite & mens' three-quarter length trousers'

    'Big Brother house 'a pile of ashes' - numerous corpses believed to be inside - (including that awful McColl bird, and the skinnyhead fellow).'

    'Muller announce plan to phase out black cherry yoghurt'

    'Married couples to be encouraged to take in attractive bisexual 25 year old brunette girls 'to maintain sexual interest''

    'Free beer for soldiers'

    'South east population falls rapidly - only the locals left now'

    'J K Rowling withdraws all her publications and obtains injunction preventing them ever being mentioned again'

    'Rachel Stevens naked London tour'

    you know the sort of thing
  15. Girls Aloud to be spanked naked in Trafalgar Square