Happy Comments

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by johnboyzzz, Dec 20, 2007.

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  1. "Dear All...

    My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........

    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl(Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

    Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million> with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mails to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a cologne sample and rob me.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

    I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's gay beautician.

    By the way....a South American scientist, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late."
  2. Dear johnboyzzz

    Thanks for making my morning go with a laugh. As I am an arsse slacker at the mo drinking coffe and eating my umpteeth mince pie on a an arschkalt morning it made me chuckle.

    Happy Christmas, put don't pull any crackers. Apparantly Al Kaeda have booby trapped them!!