Happy Burns Night to all the Porridge wogs on the board

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ugly, Jan 25, 2007.

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  1. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    not forgetting all the plastic ones out in the colonies, here for your delictation is a brief note from the BVA on theHaggis and its reprodcutive cycle.
    I had to print, scan and post as pics as the damn thing was in pdf.

  2. Thats ace.

    Along the same vain

    Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
    Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
    Aboon them a' yet tak your place,
    Painch, tripe, or thairm:
    Weel are ye wordy o'a grace
    As lang's my arm.

    The groaning trencher there ye fill,
    Your hurdies like a distant hill,
    Your pin was help to mend a mill
    In time o'need,
    While thro' your pores the dews distil
    Like amber bead.

    His knife see rustic Labour dight,
    An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
    Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
    Like ony ditch;
    And then, O what a glorious sight,
    Warm-reekin', rich!

    Then, horn for horn, they stretch an' strive:
    Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
    Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
    Are bent like drums;
    Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
    Bethankit! hums.

    Is there that owre his French ragout
    Or olio that wad staw a sow,
    Or fricassee wad make her spew
    Wi' perfect sconner,
    Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
    On sic a dinner?

    Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
    As feckles as wither'd rash,
    His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash;
    His nieve a nit;
    Thro' blody flood or field to dash,
    O how unfit!

    But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
    The trembling earth resounds his tread.
    Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
    He'll mak it whissle;
    An' legs an' arms, an' hands will sned,
    Like taps o' trissle.

    Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
    And dish them out their bill o' fare,
    Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
    That jaups in luggies;
    But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer
    Gie her a haggis!
  3. What, in all that is holy, is that?! :shock:
  4. Maybe this Scottish independence isn't so bad after all?
  5. Put hairs on your chest that will....

    probably ginger ones mind.
  6. And heres one for the English

    Here Stewarts once in triumph reigned,
    And laws for Scotland's weal ordained;
    But now unroofed their palace stands,
    Their sceptre's swayed by other hands;
    Fallen, indeed, and to the earth
    Whence grovelling reptiles take their birth,
    The injured Stewart line is gone.
    A race outlandish fills their throne;
    An idiot race, to honour lost;
    Who knows them best despite them most.
  7. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    I always fancied trying Haggis as I am a bit of a sausage guru, I missed out at IJLB as the jocks were mean tw@ts and just didnt think we would take the pish.
    I persauded the wife that we shouldtry it, she looked at the ingredients and said, "Offal thats lungs, the shoite you feed the dogs and I'm not farting like a dog for weeks!"
    Good old girl, one day if I get to go stalking up north I'll give it a try! I sickened her by eating Haslett and Tongue sandwiches all week.
  8. Nothing better than a good bit of haggis. Mmmmm

    as long as it has neeps n tatties as well
  9. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    Makes me think of Renton's line in Trainspotting: "I've got nothing against the English. They're just wankers. Us on the other hand, we allowed ourselves to be colonised by a bunch of wankers....."
  10. Didnt he also write.....
    Ken The Hing Meh

    "hing meh hing meh
    ken wot i mean but
    im reet gud at fitba!
    Buckfast und heed butts.
    Ken The Hing Meh!"
  11. There is some truth in that. Once again from the pen of Burns

    Scots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled,
    Scots, wham Bruce has aften led,
    Welcome to your gory bed,
    Or to Victorie!

    Now's the day, and now's the hour;
    See the front o' battle lour;
    See approach proud Edward's power-
    Chains and Slaverie!

    Wha will be a traitor knave?
    Wha can fill a coward's grave?
    Wha sae base as be a Slave?
    Let him turn and flee!

    Wha, for Scotland's King and Law,
    Freedom's sword will strongly draw,
    Free-man stand, or Free-man fa',
    Let him on wi' me!

    By Oppression's woes and pains!
    By your Sons in servile chains!
    We will drain our dearest veins,
    But they shall be free!

    Lay the proud Usurpers low!
    Tyrants fall in every foe!
    Liberty's in every blow!-
    Let us Do or Die!
  12. Apparently the 'real' haggis (made out of sheep bits and not the pork-based Hall's abomination) is illegal in the US as it contains the odd bit of lung as well as the other spare bits. And this in a country where squirrel brain stew is a delicacy.

    Ugly, find a McSweens haggis, nothing finer in the land, even Mrs Ugly will be converted...
  13. ugly

    ugly LE Moderator

    That I doubt, she wont even look at anything I kill.
  14. It must have a good spicy edge to it as well
  15. With neeps and tatties!
    Had my last show in a pub under Ben Lomand after a very blowy/snowy traipse up there with my Bro.