Happy Burns Night to all the Porridge wogs on the board


not forgetting all the plastic ones out in the colonies, here for your delictation is a brief note from the BVA on theHaggis and its reprodcutive cycle.
I had to print, scan and post as pics as the damn thing was in pdf.



Thats ace.

Along the same vain

Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the pudding-race!
Aboon them a' yet tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye wordy o'a grace
As lang's my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin was help to mend a mill
In time o'need,
While thro' your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An' cut you up wi' ready sleight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like ony ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin', rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an' strive:
Deil tak the hindmost! on they drive,
Till a' their weel-swall'd kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
Then auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
Bethankit! hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad make her spew
Wi' perfect sconner,
Looks down wi' sneering, scornfu' view
On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckles as wither'd rash,
His spindle shank, a guid whip-lash;
His nieve a nit;
Thro' blody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread.
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He'll mak it whissle;
An' legs an' arms, an' hands will sned,
Like taps o' trissle.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o' fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies;
But, if ye wish her gratefu' prayer
Gie her a haggis!
Maybe this Scottish independence isn't so bad after all?
Put hairs on your chest that will....

probably ginger ones mind.


And heres one for the English

Here Stewarts once in triumph reigned,
And laws for Scotland's weal ordained;
But now unroofed their palace stands,
Their sceptre's swayed by other hands;
Fallen, indeed, and to the earth
Whence grovelling reptiles take their birth,
The injured Stewart line is gone.
A race outlandish fills their throne;
An idiot race, to honour lost;
Who knows them best despite them most.


I always fancied trying Haggis as I am a bit of a sausage guru, I missed out at IJLB as the jocks were mean tw@ts and just didnt think we would take the pish.
I persauded the wife that we shouldtry it, she looked at the ingredients and said, "Offal thats lungs, the shoite you feed the dogs and I'm not farting like a dog for weeks!"
Good old girl, one day if I get to go stalking up north I'll give it a try! I sickened her by eating Haslett and Tongue sandwiches all week.


Nothing better than a good bit of haggis. Mmmmm

as long as it has neeps n tatties as well


Makes me think of Renton's line in Trainspotting: "I've got nothing against the English. They're just wankers. Us on the other hand, we allowed ourselves to be colonised by a bunch of wankers....."


War Hero
Didnt he also write.....
Ken The Hing Meh

"hing meh hing meh
ken wot i mean but
im reet gud at fitba!
Buckfast und heed butts.
Ken The Hing Meh!"


There is some truth in that. Once again from the pen of Burns

Scots, wha hae wi' Wallace bled,
Scots, wham Bruce has aften led,
Welcome to your gory bed,
Or to Victorie!

Now's the day, and now's the hour;
See the front o' battle lour;
See approach proud Edward's power-
Chains and Slaverie!

Wha will be a traitor knave?
Wha can fill a coward's grave?
Wha sae base as be a Slave?
Let him turn and flee!

Wha, for Scotland's King and Law,
Freedom's sword will strongly draw,
Free-man stand, or Free-man fa',
Let him on wi' me!

By Oppression's woes and pains!
By your Sons in servile chains!
We will drain our dearest veins,
But they shall be free!

Lay the proud Usurpers low!
Tyrants fall in every foe!
Liberty's in every blow!-
Let us Do or Die!
Apparently the 'real' haggis (made out of sheep bits and not the pork-based Hall's abomination) is illegal in the US as it contains the odd bit of lung as well as the other spare bits. And this in a country where squirrel brain stew is a delicacy.

Ugly, find a McSweens haggis, nothing finer in the land, even Mrs Ugly will be converted...


That I doubt, she wont even look at anything I kill.


War Hero
With neeps and tatties!
Had my last show in a pub under Ben Lomand after a very blowy/snowy traipse up there with my Bro.


Right you lot are relly makeing me whant some now.

Did not manage to get my self to a Burns supper tonight
Sad that the authors of the article in Veterinary record felt the need to include a footnote that it was fiction. In a scientific journal! Worrying.
My favourite is Cock up your Beaver --

When first my brave Johnie lad came to this town,
He had a blue bonnet that wanted the crown;
But now he has gotten a hat and a feather,
Hey, brave Johnie lad, cock up your beaver!

Cock up your beaver, and cock it fu' sprush,
We'll over the border, and gie them a brush;
There's somebody there we'll teach better behaviour,
Hey, brave Johnie lad, cock up your beaver!

t'was a hat
Just got myself and the weans a Simon Howies and will let you know how it was.

Tatties and neeps will be ready in 10 minutes.....


well before you tuck in just remember

Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some would eat that want it;
But we hae meat, and we can eat,
Sae let the Lord be thankit.

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