Handy Tips For Staying Young & Beautiful

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dashing_Chap, Nov 27, 2011.

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  1. Hello my darlings,

    It’s my birthday soon and I’m a bit depressed, I’ve got a beautiful face you see and I’m scared of getting wrinkles, which is an inevitable result of getting older. I have a reoccurring dream that one day I’ll look in the mirror and see a fat, bloated, bald bastard and from then on I’ll be a repellent to women. A bit like some of you less fortunate chaps.

    How then can I go about reversing the ageing process? What’s the best way for a chap to remain looking young and handsome? I have considered buying some facial cream but I’m too embarrassed to go into Boots to get it, my rugged masculinity would be brought into question and people might think I’m a tranny or a raving hermer. Does anyone have a routine in the morning where they wash and then moisturise? I read on some girl’s blog that you can make your own face pack using extra virgin olive oil and that cucumber slices are very good for reducing eye puffiness. I’m tempted to try this cos then I could lie around at home in my dressing gown wearing a face pack and stuff and no-one would know.

    Is anyone else a closet tart or is it just me?


  2. If you`re so concerned about your looks you could do a Gary Speed.
  3. w4nk on to your own face?

    Exfoliate with wire wool and caustic soda.
  4. Fuck off to Bridgend and to the honourable thing you dull kunt!
  5. "cunt"
  6. Fuck off, chopper.
    • Like Like x 1
  7. First of all, may I say what a dashing & handsome looking chap you are.

    As for delaying the effects of ageing, may I suggest a coffee enama every morning (It may seem a bit strange at first, but you'll soon get used to it).

    Don't worry about the girls in Boots, they're quite used to guys asking for all sorts of things. I suggest a daily routine of applying 'Boots No 7 soft & soothed' it will keep your skin lovely & soft no matter how old one gets.

    Avoid Havana cigars at all costs & only drink single malt wiskey (Not that Bells crap)
  8. You lot are most probably the fat bald fuckers I was talking about earlier, you should pay attention! A day with a facepack and cucumber eyes and you might look gorgeous like me.

    Anyway, for the good looking people of arrse.

    How about this?

    A gentleman's guide to using eyelash curlers


    Make up for men.

    Anyone given it a try?
  9. Kill yourself, you boring cunt.
  10. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    Top crab, you are hardly a shining example of smooth skin and features looking at your gallery pictures.

    You look like you fell head first into a bowl of angel delight.

    Dashing chap, am disappointed I bought you may be a dude, experienced in gaining bites from trouser mausers but it seems you are weak of jaw, soft in looks and more feminine than top crab, but saying that so is chuck Norris
  11. He's one of them too! :)

    Fixed that for you.
  12. To the hole!!!

    Has Jarrod been informed of this latest development in Dashing Chap's "interests"?
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Jarrod might be able to offer some good metrosexual advice actually.

    I've been told I have really nice cheekbones so I might give this a whirl too.

    I was the same with camo cream too, none of the mud stick stuff for me. A little mirror box with a nice shade of brown/grey/green was essential for looking good.
  14. I've never known anyone as politically incorrect as you, carry on & I'll put another photo up in the gallery just to piss everyone off.

    In my day we ran around with proper 7.62 rifles, bayonets in our teeth, not todays 5.56 popguns.

    I'd like to have seen the Russian Spetsnaz paratroopers take a bunch of wild eyed trannies on.
  15. Worry not princess, They already know you to be a weapons grade cunt and life is far too short for anyone to worry about your other less than manly characteristics.

    Dale, just cut the waffle and get to the point will you!
    • Like Like x 1