Haircut or lapdance sir

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by essexbob, Oct 3, 2005.

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  1. I have just returned from lunch, yeah I know its gone 15.00 but I didnt go til 14.20, honest boss.

    On my way back to the office from the scavange hunt that is getting a sandwich from Tescos I looked at myself in a shop window and thought "you scruffy cnut essexbob get your fecking hair cut!!!"

    I may have to explain that I have been the victim of an assault which resulted in a broken shoulder. The assault took place in July during my sisters wedding reception when a 7yr old took my legs away as I was about to score a great goal against the outlaws, resulting in 13 weeks non attendance at drill nights and work. Since then I have alllowed my glorious locks to grow samson like, but today they were needed to be shaped into my regulation fat, old bald bloke stylee.

    In a vain attempt to have this mission accomplished with less pain going to than butcher bill who still considers a twuppeny all off as his greatest style i entered the weird world of the UNISEX SALON.

    For the grand total of £20.00 I have had a 19yr old wash and massage my hair, with my head laying BACKWARDs allowing full view of her firm young puppies bulging out of her too small uniform top. I was then handed over to Angela, a blond haired goddess who was amost wearing a belt as a skirt, I say almost because i have not seen many belts that thin.

    By now my bestest friend had begun to show an interest in proceedings, after all he is used to :
    " morning Bill "
    "see the football"etc
    Now he was being subjected to a barrage of sensory attack, pert puppies, a glimpse of thong, female scents, Angela almost straddling my lap to "get the fringe right", and I havent had a fringe since 1985.

    I have had Angela pressing herself against my shoulder, elbow and knee. I am nort sure if i should be outraged and being used as some sort of frottage post, or should I have tipped more.

    I am glad I wore a reasonably baggy pair of trews to work or it could of been a case of ND in the hairdressers
  2. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    I, sadly, have opted for getting the remaining thatch trimmed at the local Turkish barber's shop for exactly this reason. I was, for a short while, getting all 5 of the remaining hairs adjusted at the local bordello cum uniSEX salon (why are the last three letters always in "mental upper case" when I think of this place?

    I digress, yes, in general I won't pay £20 for a trim except when they throw in that 20 minutes of cranium/mammary frottage thing as a special offer.
  3. frottage....

    I haven't heard that word for years......

  4. Directions to this vice-den should be posted so we can all avoid the area :twisted:
  5. Ah, the erotic delights of the unisex hair salon. I'm well known for being consistently well groomed due to my fortnightly visits to the local coffeuse.
    The strange thing is that nobody has twigged that quite apart from being a bit ana1ly retentive about having a smart haircut, I also take a certain sordid pleasure from being fussed over by a giggle of nubile young women.
    I've also noticed that if you wear a good aftershave, they will not only linger longer, but also lean a little closer. I cant think of a better way to spend £20 :wink:
  6. Something about sad, middle-aged b@stards comes to mind.... :D

  7. :lol: Sad, moi? you obviously havent seen the grin on my grid when I'm getting a faceful of firm, tender young breast (and I dont mean chicken :D )
  8. They're great places. The last time I had my haircut in the UK, not only was my head massaged by a fine pair of breasts, but said girly just wouldn't shut up about having her clit pierced and how enjoyable it was. 8O Of course, I found this SO boring and couldn't wait to shut her up. :twisted:
  9. EEh by gum! Nobody north of watford would spend more than a fiver (with tip) for a haircut/frottage session.
  10. there is a place of such delights down near here (Gosport if you wonder) where such delights are on frequent show. I had my hair cut there and christ was it worth the £25! I had this 25 year old massage my head with her hands and tits, then she kept rubbing herself against me at what seemed every opportunity.

    Am I a sad old git? Damn right but its worth every penny and keeps me occupied at nights, where I would normally be stalking the dark recesses of Emmas night club! :twisted: