HAHA! THAT Poem has some competition at last!

#1
Some fine Doggerel to have you vomiting as you read it. Taken from Facebook.

[h=6]A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So slumbered I, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.

Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Trooper, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!

Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts.

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died in Europe on a day in December,"
Then he sighed,
"That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, blue and white ... A British flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother.
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."
Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.

To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."[/h]
Isn't there some truly inspired tawdry shite there? It's magnificently crap. It's a monument to shitness.

Proud ere.
 
#7
#8
Twas early December, and all through the house,
nothing stirred, not even a mouse.
The family all still, because they were dead,
knife wounds still fresh, through which they had bled
A smouldering mattress, hid them from view
why he had done it, nobody knew
 
#10
Jeebus H Kerist! How many of these can I expect to see on faceache? Answer? Too fucking many. Vomit in typed form.

Actually got sent "That Poem" today, its late doing the rounds this year.
 
#11
It gets worse,

[video=youtube;B5PeKoBq8MU]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5PeKoBq8MU[/video]

Dusty in here etc etc.
I was hoping that about a minute in it would cut to a video of corpses on fire and the sound of children screaming but alas no, it was serious.

Even Jesus fucking wept

Sent from my HTC Vision using Tapatalk
 
#12
So dusty in here I'm developing silicosis.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#13
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So slumbered I, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.

Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,
Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

The dogs hit him first and ripped up his legs

I shouted “Get in lads, theres good fucking degs”
His screaming and howling got right on my tits
So I broke all his fingers, I hate creepy gits

“The fuck are you up to you creepy doss cunt?”
But the dogs had his throat so he just made some grunts

I was freezing my nuts off and his patter was drear
So I left the dogs feeding and went in for a beer

Christmas day it was dawning, the snow gleaming white
I finished my beer then went for a shite

While wiping my arsehole I felt a warm glow
My family, my friends and Christmas and snow

I counted my blessings that cold winters night
I was better off than that cunt, the creepy dead shite
 
#18
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the bedroom and cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

My cock was still dampened from fucking those two
For incest and anal's what country folk do
My wife is my sister, my daughter's my aunt
The courts have said 'Stop it!'
But I say 'I shan't.'
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#19
The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the bedroom and cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

My cock was still dampened from fucking those two
For incest and anal's what country folk do
My wife is my sister, my daughter's my aunt
The courts have said 'Stop it!'
But I say 'I shan't.'
Now THAT is poetry.
 
#20
And here's me thinking most of the diggers/squaddies on arrse are nothing more than art philistines, and you all go ahead and prove me wrong. My world is being turned on its head. What next - music, works to better the Bard, or the theatre?
 

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