H&S gone mad

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by futurebootie, May 17, 2009.

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  1. The mind boggles sometimes.
  2. You couldn't make it up!!!

    :? :?
  3. I quite often let my girls wear wellies to walk to school when it rains. I have had no training in Wellington wearing or how to put them on or off safely. I am now awaiting the social services to come and take them in to care as I will probably end up on child endangerment charges.
  4. This may explain the lengthy delays in getting written replies out of local councils - having overcome the problem of repetitive stress injuries to permit use of computer keyboards, no-one has yet come up with a course in the safe use of pens to sign the replies.

    I'd be happy to provide consultancy services to any authority that seeks guidance on maximum safe weight for pens, upper and lower limits for angle of application of pens to paper, chemical hazard warnings for various inks, extractor fan requirements for signing areas, ergonomic requirements for desks, chairs and lighting of signing areas, colour choice of inks to minimise eye strain, use of wrist rest-pads or braces for anyone signing more than 100 documents per week, guidelines for signing quotas per hour/day/week/month, as well as an outline of the relevant gender, race, nationality, religion, ageist and pregnancy issues.

    I am prepared to do this anywhere in the country, but may require a second home allowance should the study last more than 2 months.

    After the first consultation, I will also offer courses (fees remarkably similar to resettlement grants?) for district assessors who may wish to add this as a sideline to energy efficiency assessments of residential properties.

    Brief market research reveals that there is considerable demand for this service among a wide range of Government agencies at national, regional and local levels.

    If only I could find someone to sign the consultancy contract!
  5. Women are not qualified to suck c0ck but they can. And do So what is the problem here Chischester council?
  6. Oh Dear, Being a smallholder and wearing wellies [ alot] and without the proper training does this mean I'm in the Shit,? LOL
  7. Much as I hate to seem to take the silly H&S side....

    Dont blame them... the whole business of H & S stupidity is merely a response to the culture of 'the man in the street' starting ridiculous 'no win no fee' law suits with the help of scurrilous law firms.

    As daft as some of these issues seem to us, lawyers hand in hand with some get rich quick moron will make a law suit out of next to nothing.
  8. Now you've said this, I seem to recall the other week on the box there was a lady from the H & S excec who said the rules were only " Guidelines " but councils were interpreting things a bit too literally,!!!!!
  9. Well done Chichester Council.
    Now, can you take charge of our troops in Helmond especially with regards to their kit and transportation.
  10. Yes, but if they don't take things literally and try to be 'sensible' then some smug bottom-feeding lawyer will exploit the gap between common sense and literal interpretation of the 'guidelines'... that's just an unfortunate sign of the times.

    To you, me and others with a healthy dose of common sense these stories are ludicrous - to others they are a potential source of revenue.
  11. The simple solution to all of this elf & safety madness is to change the law to withraw the ambulance chasers dealing with compo claims!

  12. Agreed, Pompey Jock.
  13. You just want to bury your head in your hands with shame at how this country is turning out dont you.
  14. That would be too easy :roll: