Gypsy weddings? Pah! Try a pikey funeral . . .

Bless 'em - not a pot to piss in and just scratching a living doing a bit o' labouring an' tree management an' tarmacing:

Hundreds pay respects at funeral of 'father of all travellers'

" Hundreds of travellers have descended on Surrey for the funeral of the father of Big Fat Gypsy Wedding star Paddy Doherty.

Simon Doherty was known as the ‘father of all travellers’ and was likened to the ‘godfather’ by his son, who also appeared on Celebrity Big Brother, during a service at St Michael’s Church in Ashtead.

More than a dozen silver Rolls Royces, each bearing the Irish tricolour, lined up outside the church. while Mr Doherty’s coffin carried the message: ‘Simon Doherty – blacksmith, King of all Doherty’s’

Paddy, a former bare knuckle fighter, said: ‘He was like Mafia in his own way, not in a bad way – any trouble they would go to him."

He was like the godfather – what he said was law. He said I want no one crying at my funeral, I want them happy, singing and get them drunk.’


doherty.jpg



That's my boy-understated as always.

Still, there's always the girls:

Pikey funeral.jpg



. . . and a wee bit of diddly dancing at half-time:


SimonDoherty-N2.jpg


When I was in the trade, pikey funerals could be a bit of a mixed blessing: money was no object and they'd pay up front but the OTTness was something to behold.

Oh, and the fighting was good, though . . . usually started by the women.
 

vampireuk

On ROPS
On ROPs
Where's a suicide bomber or ten when you need them.
 

W21A

LE
Book Reviewer
If they are all travellers, leading an 'alternative' lifestyle, where does all the money come from?
 
I stumbled across a channel on YouTube, its called traveller beef. Type it in if you want a laugh, yer man Doherty features in any amount of clips.
 

vampireuk

On ROPS
On ROPs
If they are all travellers, leading an 'alternative' lifestyle, where does all the money come from?
Fraud, theft and scams. They are thieving lying cunts who should be gassed and dropped into the Atlantic...some might say. Not me obviously.
 

Schmoe

War Hero
Some poor families are going to have that buried next to them, with probably the gaudiest, vulgar (shit) memorial. Loads of drunk idiots smashing bottles on the gravestone so that he can enjoy a drink.

Every year tacky, crappy (more shit) flowers and offerings left on his grave.

How do I know this, have done a lot of work in graveyards, you can spot a pikey plot from miles away, as they are invariably covered in tacky, vulgar (shit) memorials and other shit.
 
If they are all travellers, leading an 'alternative' lifestyle, where does all the money come from?
Did a funeral a few years ago for the matriarch of a local clan - Roy (who set up the funeral service) had 'done' The Da a couple of years before. I'm sat behind the BFO desk and in marches these two wizened, elf-like creatures who turn out to be the two eldest sons.

First Elf-Like Creature: 'Ah, and so da Mammy has gone, God rest . . . '

Second Elf-Like Creature: 'God rest'.

FE-LC: ' . . . and as yer mahn Roy did the Da proud . . .'

SE-LC: 'God rest'.

FE-LC: ' . . . we taught dat ye could do Herself'.

After a pause, during which I waited a further 'God rest' from SE-LC but came there none, I got all professional, like, put on my best obsequious and money-grabbing face and took some notes: removal from the family house (the tribe owned 2/3s of the street) and into a horse-drawn, 8 x Roller lims, a trot around town, into a Roller hearse, drive 20 miles down the A12, back into the horse-drawn and then off to interment for a full Catlick funeral mass.

'That's a bob or two', thinks I.

I made an excuse to leave the room and nipped upstairs to have a word with Roy.

'Take it!', he says. 'I've done some costings and come up with this. Are they good for it?'

'Trust me-they'll be back within the hour with the cash'.

Really? Meh.

Back down to see the two E-LCs and present them with an estimate.

FE-LC: 'Ah. Right. We'll be back in a bit.'

SE-LC: 'God bless'.

Which was a pleasant change.

An hour to the feckin' second and in they walk, each carrying two Tesco bags. Stuffed with cash.

And accurate to the pound.
 
I would have thought they'd have taken him back to Eire. :cool:
Don't be fucking daft... that might involve a bit of the travelling sort of travelling instead of the customary 'staying in one place for a very very long time' travelling.
 

Chef

LE
I was surprised that he's being buried in England rather than Ireland.

As for the Funeral Director:



Funeral director Paul Brown (right) with My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding star Paddy Doherty (Picture: Yui Mok/PA Wire)

Could he not at least have shaved before going to work?
 
I stumbled across a channel on YouTube, its called traveller beef. Type it in if you want a laugh, yer man Doherty features in any amount of clips.
There's a lot of videos involving blokes gobbing off about fighting, I thought Pikeys were renowned for scrapping rather than talking, the fat, thieving, smelly, ill educated scum of the earth that they are.
 
Did a funeral a few years ago for the matriarch of a local clan - Roy (who set up the funeral service) had 'done' The Da a couple of years before. I'm sat behind the BFO desk and in marches these two wizened, elf-like creatures who turn out to be the two eldest sons.

First Elf-Like Creature: 'Ah, and so da Mammy has gone, God rest . . . '

Second Elf-Like Creature: 'God rest'.

FE-LC: ' . . . and as yer mahn Roy did the Da proud . . .'

SE-LC: 'God rest'.

FE-LC: ' . . . we taught dat ye could do Herself'.

After a pause, during which I waited a further 'God rest' from SE-LC but came there none, I got all professional, like, put on my best obsequious and money-grabbing face and took some notes: removal from the family house (the tribe owned 2/3s of the street) and into a horse-drawn, 8 x Roller lims, a trot around town, into a Roller hearse, drive 20 miles down the A12, back into the horse-drawn and then off to interment for a full Catlick funeral mass.

'That's a bob or two', thinks I.

I made an excuse to leave the room and nipped upstairs to have a word with Roy.

'Take it!', he says. 'I've done some costings and come up with this. Are they good for it?'

'Trust me-they'll be back within the hour with the cash'.

Really? Meh.

Back down to see the two E-LCs and present them with an estimate.

FE-LC: 'Ah. Right. We'll be back in a bit.'

SE-LC: 'God bless'.

Which was a pleasant change.

An hour to the feckin' second and in they walk, each carrying two Tesco bags. Stuffed with cash.

And accurate to the pound.

I think I remember that, it was the exact day the local Tesco Superstore was held up by shot gun wielding pikeys.
 
There's a lot of videos involving blokes gobbing off about fighting, I thought Pikeys were renowned for scrapping rather than talking, the fat, thieving, smelly, ill educated scum of the earth that they are.
There's quite a few of them at it as well, some decent scraps, but totally agree with your post mate.
 

49er

On ROPS
On ROPs
Fraud, theft and scams. They are thieving lying ***** who should be gassed and dropped into the Atlantic...some might say. Not me obviously.
There was a bloke who made a start on that a few years ago. I wonder how he got on,and how soon the job can be finished?
 

Brotherton Lad

LE
Kit Reviewer
My father-in-law is a retired canon (not that they actually ever retire) and he's very popular for gypsy funerals. He tells how a couple of young lads will promise to look after his car during the service so that his wheels don't go missing (for a fiver) and he leaves with several bottles of decent whisky.
 
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