Gwyneth Paltrow’s exploding vagina [candle]

RBMK

LE
Book Reviewer
I ought to save this for tonight [Friday] but it's too good to keep:

Experience: Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle erupted in my front room​

Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat

It began as a joke with my friend Jane at our work Zoom Christmas party. We had a quiz and one question was: “What’s the name of Gwyneth Paltrow’s £68 scented candle, which she launched on her Goop website in 2020?” I knew the answer: This Smells Like My Vagina.

I trimmed the wick as instructed and put it on a candle coaster in our front room. It smelled really nice – of bergamot, cedarwood and rose.

The next night, however, all hell was unleashed. A few minutes after I lit the candle, it exploded. Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat. We couldn’t get near it to blow it out as the flames were so ferocious...



Wow! If that's what the candle is like what is the fragrant Gwyneth's real vagina like?

Is she a real "danger fuck"?

Here she is in most of her glory. Google is your friend if you wish to see more:
1616161932756.png
 
A (fire) cracker in the clacker!
 
I ought to save this for tonight [Friday] but it's too good to keep:

Experience: Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle erupted in my front room​

Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat

It began as a joke with my friend Jane at our work Zoom Christmas party. We had a quiz and one question was: “What’s the name of Gwyneth Paltrow’s £68 scented candle, which she launched on her Goop website in 2020?” I knew the answer: This Smells Like My Vagina.

I trimmed the wick as instructed and put it on a candle coaster in our front room. It smelled really nice – of bergamot, cedarwood and rose.

The next night, however, all hell was unleashed. A few minutes after I lit the candle, it exploded. Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat. We couldn’t get near it to blow it out as the flames were so ferocious...



Wow! If that's what the candle is like what is the fragrant Gwyneth's real vagina like?

Is she a real "danger fuck"?

Here she is in most of her glory. Google is your friend if you wish to see more:
View attachment 558576

Recently divorced, or separated I do believe..................so we're in with a chance.
 
I ought to save this for tonight [Friday] but it's too good to keep:

Experience: Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle erupted in my front room​

Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat

It began as a joke with my friend Jane at our work Zoom Christmas party. We had a quiz and one question was: “What’s the name of Gwyneth Paltrow’s £68 scented candle, which she launched on her Goop website in 2020?” I knew the answer: This Smells Like My Vagina.

I trimmed the wick as instructed and put it on a candle coaster in our front room. It smelled really nice – of bergamot, cedarwood and rose.

The next night, however, all hell was unleashed. A few minutes after I lit the candle, it exploded. Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat. We couldn’t get near it to blow it out as the flames were so ferocious...



Wow! If that's what the candle is like what is the fragrant Gwyneth's real vagina like?

Is she a real "danger fuck"?

Here she is in most of her glory. Google is your friend if you wish to see more:
View attachment 558576
Instead of a red string, does she sport a blue touch paper?
ETA - Looking at the photo, it's doubtful if she carries kindling.
 
Last edited:
sounds like a "German translator" with his burning trousers
1616176737743.png

1616176782509.png

Gwyneth Paltrow: Flammen-Inferno durch ihre Vagina-Kerze

Translation:

January 19, 2021 - 12:41 p.m.

Vagina candle puts fan in mortal danger​

Bad surprise for a fan of Gwyneth Paltrow (48 : A 50-year-old British woman won one of the actress's famous vagina candles in a competition. But when she lit it, her life was suddenly in danger. We reveal exactly what happened in the video.

Gwyneth Paltrow sells the vagina candles in her online shop​

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow sells the candle named "This Smells Like My Vagina" in her lifestyle shop "Goop". The special fragrance costs a mere 77 US dollars and is a real best seller. At times the candle was already sold out. Even celebrities like Heidi Klum love the fragrance. She even asked Gwyneth Paltrow personally for a copy.

This is how Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina candle was made​

The piquant name of the box office hit is said to have originated from a joke. As the product description reveals, the perfumer and actress were testing fragrances when she exclaimed, "This smells like a vagina!" Really, however, are geraniums, cedar wood and roses. It is still unclear what exactly led to the accident in Britain.
 
I ought to save this for tonight [Friday] but it's too good to keep:

Experience: Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle erupted in my front room​

Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat

It began as a joke with my friend Jane at our work Zoom Christmas party. We had a quiz and one question was: “What’s the name of Gwyneth Paltrow’s £68 scented candle, which she launched on her Goop website in 2020?” I knew the answer: This Smells Like My Vagina.

I trimmed the wick as instructed and put it on a candle coaster in our front room. It smelled really nice – of bergamot, cedarwood and rose.

The next night, however, all hell was unleashed. A few minutes after I lit the candle, it exploded. Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat. We couldn’t get near it to blow it out as the flames were so ferocious...



Wow! If that's what the candle is like what is the fragrant Gwyneth's real vagina like?

Is she a real "danger fuck"?

Here she is in most of her glory. Google is your friend if you wish to see more:
View attachment 558576
It'll do that every three weeks or so, couple of days and it'll settle-down.
 
Something smells fishy about this article

So in true Gwyneth Paltrow style, was she consciously uncoupled from the vagina candle after sticking the candle somewhere she shouldn't have
 

Gout Man

LE
Book Reviewer
I think I need to sit down with Gwyneth and explain to her that this incident really needs delving into and that I would do all in my power to get to the bottom of things.
Of course if she didn’t want to fall foul of the trades description act I would be prepared to sniff things out and be her star witness to testify about the true fragrant fragrance of her funny business.
 
Instead of a red string, does she sport a blue touch paper?
ETA - Looking at the photo, it's doubtful if she carries kindling.
If we had a rearview you would see that the kindling is sufficiently copious to have been plaited upwards to act as a hair extension. (see fig 1)
pubic hair extension.jpg
 

Jacl

Old-Salt
I ought to save this for tonight [Friday] but it's too good to keep:

Experience: Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle erupted in my front room​

Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat

It began as a joke with my friend Jane at our work Zoom Christmas party. We had a quiz and one question was: “What’s the name of Gwyneth Paltrow’s £68 scented candle, which she launched on her Goop website in 2020?” I knew the answer: This Smells Like My Vagina.

I trimmed the wick as instructed and put it on a candle coaster in our front room. It smelled really nice – of bergamot, cedarwood and rose.

The next night, however, all hell was unleashed. A few minutes after I lit the candle, it exploded. Flames roared half a metre out of the jar and bits of molten wax flew out as it fizzed and spat. We couldn’t get near it to blow it out as the flames were so ferocious...



Wow! If that's what the candle is like what is the fragrant Gwyneth's real vagina like?

Is she a real "danger fuck"?

Here she is in most of her glory. Google is your friend if you wish to see more:
View attachment 558576
This sounds almost like something out of a James Bond film, where the villain tries to dispose of Bond in a spectacular manner.
This post and the following replies had me in tears I laughed so much.
 
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