I've been asked to say the grace for a mess do on saturday, apparently there is a specific gunner's grace I can use in place of the "for what we are about to receive..." but I'm buggered if I can find it. Any thoughts?
I once attended a "semi-formal" dinner (with a 2 colleagues) with a large group of former gunner officers. I didn't have a clue what the words of the Grace were then so with no Mr Vice it turned out that us 3 guests were fair game to be nominated for grace. 3 to 1 turned out to be good odds for me because after a moments panic the picked on the guy next to me who had a prolonged "oh no!" moment before the words came to him.
In the beginning there was chaos and the chaos was the Infantry for they were alone and so afflicted. And fear was with the infantry for they cried unto the Lord, âSave us, for we are afraidâ.
And the Lord heard their cries and put some of them on beasts of burden and these he called Cavalry, which later became the Household Cavalry.
But as time past the Infantry and the Household Cavalry again cried out to the Lord, saying âSave us for we are again afraidâ. And the Lord said unto them, âFools! I will send unto you a race of men who are strong in spirit and noble of heart; these men shall be called the Royal Artilleryâ.
âAnd when you need light they will light your way with bursting stars in the sky, and when you need cover they will cloak you in clouds of smoke and you will have high explosives when you need them. With fire missions, these and more will be yoursâ.
And the Lord gave the Artillery big guns and other small pieces such as Striker and the Infantry and the Household Cavalry were jealous for they had so little.
The Lord then gave the Artillery the Nuclear and when the Infantry and the Household Cavalry saw this they fell to their knees in wonder, saying, âSurely he is on the side of the greatest and the greatest is the Artilleryâ. And the Lord said, âCorrectâ, for they were correct.
But the greedy Artillery were not satisfied and demanded bigger and better weapons with such noise that even God was heard to cry âEnough!â But he gave them Rapier and the Artillery marvelled at this gift and then went out to play forthwith and they drove exceedingly fast and the Rapier did not work. At this the Infantry and the Household Cavalry laughed because the Artillery began to be afraid.
The cried unto the Lord, âHelp us for we are the greatestâ. And the Lord gave them Ground to Air Missiles and Blowpipe and Javelin and HVM but there was more chaos and the Infantry and the Household Cavalry continued to laugh with such merriment.
The Artillery felt ridiculed and helpless. âOh Lordâ the cried, âWe are not great anymoreâ. And the Lord marvelled at their humility and said unto them, âI will send you my only begotten son â A Craftsman, for youâ.
The Craftsman Christ came down and fixed the Rapier and other mechanical machines with the help of his disciples the RLC who provided the loaves of bread and black boxes of spares and the Rapier worked and the Artillery marvelled.
And so it came to pass that the Lord gave the Artillery and the Infantry and the Household Cavalry a whole workshop with many skills saying, âThese are my sons, if you ignore them your Stormers, Rapiers, Rovers, Radios and Rifles will not workâ. All three doubted the word of the Lord but soon found it to be true and said, âSurely these men are the greatestâ.
âNo,â said the Craftsman Christ, âThere is one even greater â the Artificer Sergeant Major; for he keeps every bÃ¡stard working!â
The Gunners' Grace is as follows, feel free to use it.Gunners GraceThank you lord for food and friend, thanks to those on whom we depend, so thanks for service, thanks for food, thanks for those who set the mood. We thank you Lord from high to low, that in your service we may grow, from those in charge to Battery Runners, We thank you Lord,*God bless the Gunners.*