Guide To Economics

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by CptDanjou, Jul 5, 2012.

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  1. Cheer up everybody and read on to discover the true meaning of "E-cow-nomics"

    Socialism: You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

    Communism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk.

    Fascism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk.

    Nazism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both and shoots you.

    Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows. The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

    Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one, buy a bull, your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

    Royal Bank of Scotland (Adventure) Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit from your brother in law at the bank. He then executes a debt equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all 4 cows back with a tax exemption for 5 cows. The milk rights of the 6 cows are transfered by intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all 7 cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns 8 cows with an option for one more.You sell one cow to buy a new President of the USA, leaving you with 9 cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

    Surrealism: You have 2 giraffes. The state requires you to take harmonica lessons.

    An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of 4 cows. Later you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

    A Greek Corporation: You have 2 cows. You borrow billions of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abbatoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have 2 cows.

    A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads and ports; because you want 3 cows.

    A Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon called Cowkimono and market it world wide.

    An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

    A Swiss Corporation: You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

    A Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim to have full employment and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

    An Indian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You worship them.

    A British Corporation: You have 2 cows. Both are mad.

    An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.You still have no cows, but at least you are now a democracy.

    An Australian Corporation: You have 2 cows. Business seems pretty good, you decide to close the office and go for a few beers.

    [B]A New Zealand Corporation: You have 2 cows. The one on the left looks very attractive...

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  2. ONE OF LIFE'S MOST DIFFICULT LESSONS. Taught in a tough environment.

    Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

    The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing. The fifth would pay $1. The sixth would pay $3. The seventh would pay $7. The eighth would pay $12. The ninth would pay $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

    So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good customers, he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20. Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

    The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. What happens to the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?' They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.

    And so:

    The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).

    The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).

    The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).

    The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).

    The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).

    The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

    Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

    'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'

    'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!'

    'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'

    'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

    The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

    The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important.

    They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

    For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

    (As much of a joke as the OP)
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  3. You have one cow. It's time for a divorce.