Guidance for war movie directors

Discussion in 'Films, Music and All Things Artsy' started by MrPVRd, Apr 14, 2007.

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  1. This is some guidance for directors - stereotypes vs reality. Please add to this thread!

    1. Ammunition is unlimited.

    Not so, in WW2 troops carried 50-100 rounds and nowadays it is approximately 120 rounds plus 2 grenades minimum.

    2. There is no need to reload a weapon in combat.

    Not so, in WW2 most rifles fired between 5 and 10 rounds before requiring reloading (for obvious reasons) mostly by opening the breech and forcing a clip into the magazine. Automatic weapons would be reloaded by replacing the magazine (which itself would require reloading) or belt. Nowadays, weapons are reloaded by the removal of, and replacement of, a 30-round (or thereabouts) magazine.

    3. Everybody hates military life and wants to leave.

    Not strictly true, Britain has a longstanding volunteer tradition. The European tradition of conscript service was often seen as "citizen service" particularly in France and Germany.

    4. Grenade pins can be pulled out by the teeth.

    Try it.

    5. All sergeants are unpleasant disciplinarians who swear a lot.

    Perhaps so in basic training, but not necessarily afterwards.

    6. Officers are upper-class buffoons incapable of even reading a map.

    Not necessarily so, some are not buffoons and some can read a map and a select few are even non-buffoons capable of map reading.

    7. Ill-disciplined mavericks with unconventional strategies are the key to winning battles.


    8. Rifles (etc) function perfectly without jamming or need for maintenance.

    Having a few extras polishing their rifles with rags doesn't really constitute field-stripping and cleaning the weapon.

    9. You need to repeatedly cock the rifle (or pistol) when you want to make a dramatic point.


    10. You don't need to eat, sleep, defecate or urinate. The majesty of battle removes these mundane requirements.


    11. You do not need to carry food, blankets and only need to address the needs of defecation (10 above) when being brutalised by a sergeant and made to dig/empty latrines (see 5 above).

    12. There is an inner monologue soundtrack to combat, be it mournful classical music, rock music such as "Voodoo Child (Slight Return)" or rousing marital music.

    13. The chance of dying is increased dramatically by certain events ie. if you show a comrade a photo of a loved one, or get an unexpected leave pass.

    To be continued....
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  3. Do you have a degree in tedium you fcuking boring cnut?

    Or has MrPVRd burst your bubble as your only link with the military is through film?
  4. Discipline? Not a problem at all, self or military - yet you wouldn't have a clue about the latter.

    Intelligence? Come on, lets not get into a battle of wits - you are only half armed. And your cut and paste threads are supposed to demonstrate your intelligence along with your misquoted, misplaced out of context extracts from a book of political quotations are?

    Getting back to the thread

    Common misconceptions

    1. Always cut the red wire on 'bombs'

    2. A 'stick' of explosives will not destroy a whole street.

    3. The Hero can outrun the speed of the explosion.

    4. Improvised timers time out just as the bad guys enter the danger area.
  5. Sssssh! Don't tell 'em.

    Why shatter the illusions of many lifetimes?
  6. 5. I dont fcuking swear a lot u fcuking cnut

    6. totally agree officers are

    Only joking sir
  7. Mr Happy

    Mr Happy LE Moderator

    military and civilian bombs hidden in dark places do not have blinking red lights, a count down nor a beeper which gets louder and shriller as the moment of bang approaches.

    They just boom.
  8. Mr Happy

    Mr Happy LE Moderator

    Grenades, once you've pulled the pin are not silent. They make a bang as the fuse is ignited, so loud you can hear it across the street..

    They also don't roll silently down a flight of stairs, they make a noise like 2lbs of metal bouncing down the stairs.
  9. keeping on the grenade theme;

    Grenades do not explode with a massive fireball, mainly because they do not contain 5 gallons of petrol.
  10. Stop it..STOP IT! You bastards.. you're destroying all my delusions.

    You mean you can't do a somersault and barrel roll out a window with a Carl Gustav then as you come to a stop fire from the hip taking out at least two tanks racing toward you with their turrets aimed square at your flak vest [ which deflects the hit with a nice ' ping ' sound ]?

    Damn that Bruce Willis!!.. Sly Stallone has a lot to answer for...
  11. personally i think the most accurate war film battle sequence ever... was the shootout at the farmhouse in Top Secret :)
  12. I can't quite get my head around the sound of the 'Wedding March' in battle. A bit Kubrik for me! :D
  13. Pissing and Whingeing

    There is a distinct lack of dripping, schinfing, pissing, whingeing, teddy throwing, gobbing off, getting a mard on, having a sad on and bellyaching in Hollywood.

    The Hero "Men, I'm going to face the enemy, it's suicide but I've got to do it. You go back and have a beer on me"

    The Men "No way Sarge we're facing certain death with you, we love love you in a non homo way and would have it no different"

    In reality this should play thus

    The Hero "Men, I'm going to face the enemy, it's suicide but I've got to do it. You go back and have a beer on me"

    The Men "When's the transport turning up? I'll be bollocked if I'm tabbing all that way, I'm threaders and me feet are killing me and we didn't get brekkers this mornin', it's feckin sh1t 'er,"
  14. Terrorist bomb remote controllers are not made to measure with a RED fire button, telescopic aerial and blinking flashing light.