Grossing out Samaritans

#1
Do you reckon the Samaritans have heard it all, are they inshockable?

Are the Jehovahs crowd the same, granted they are easy to wind up and irritate but I just fancy taking the most caring, loving people around and making then doubt the human race and question whether they really want to help such weird people.

Whats the bars thoughts, am I being childish? Should I find better things to do with my time or should I dial the cnuts and tell them I'm slashing my inner thighs and rubbing budgie sh1t into my helmet and sucking a plastic 'Bionic woman' doll, whilst impaled on a stolen canberra joystick.
 
#2
i think you need to put in a little more effort there that little list hardly would raise an eyebrow in wesley house but saying that i think i there fair game.

;)
 
#3
I hope all the ex-squaddies with PTSD who phone the samaritans because there's no-one else to phone find this thread as funny as it's obviously intended to be. Just think outside the box for a minute before you press enter.
 
#5
Just be nice to them, offer them a beer. If they refuse give them a coffie (cafine is good) then sit down with one eye still on the TV, light a fag and have a good chat about the world.
 
#6
Parky_boy said:
Just be nice to them, offer them a beer. If they refuse give them a coffie (cafine is good) then sit down with one eye still on the TV, light a fag and have a good chat about the world.
seems like to much effort, not to mention a waste of beer/coffee
 
#7
craftsmanx said:
I hope all the ex-squaddies with PTSD who phone the samaritans because there's no-one else to phone find this thread as funny as it's obviously intended to be. Just think outside the box for a minute before you press enter.
FFS. You've definitely been here long enough to know what the NAAFI Bar is so why exactly did you write that? You need to take your own advice re thinking outside the box I think....
 
#8
Craftsman, you big wet underpant...... Not surprised you were a craftsman, hit yourself with a wheelbrace.
 
#10
Once had the JWs rock up at my student pad-there I was in the doorway, unshaven stinking of second hand ale and curry in an open dressing gown with todge waving gently in the breeze. I recon he figured me for a hopeless case and went to knock on the drug dealers' door opposite.
 
#11
JWs are a tough one to shock. I was brought up as one and I remember that they tended to go for the crazies over the moderates. I rekon if you pitched up at a hall and told them that you liked to violate badgers with your fist whilst sitting in a chalk pentangle with "bitch" smeared on your chest in lipstick, they would jump at the chance of trying to "help" you. the more f*cked up you are, the better they look if they take you under their wing.
 
#12
the jovi witni knocked on my door this morning, while i was enjoying my regular mid-morning dump. this made me unhappy.

turns out they can be shocked, or at least they looked it when i handed one of them the peice of bogroll id just used to wipe my arse.

they didnt try to 'help' me......tossers.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#15
They visit my mate 94 for religous story readings, he is a proper raspberry ripple with PTSD to boot and they send a knee length booted bespectacled short skirt wearing virgin to the house of the Regiments greatest serial shagger! If he could stay awake I'd worry for her!
 
#17
ugly said:
They visit my mate 94 for religous story readings, he is a proper raspberry ripple with PTSD to boot and they send a knee length booted bespectacled short skirt wearing virgin to the house of the Regiments greatest serial shagger! If he could stay awake I'd worry for her!
Bloody hell she can come round and try to convert me if she likes.

Assuming that it is a woman, that is.
 

ugly

LE
Moderator
#18
Knowing 94 she would be a secretary type from come on my glasses!
 
#19
Just repeat everything they say to you in a high pitched voice and a deranged look on your face. Always works for me.

(works with senior offrs too)
 

Cutaway

LE
Kit Reviewer
#20
I cant be arsed to repost the tale, but my tête à tête with a pair of gorgeous JW dorii is recounted here.
 
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