It's easy to make yourself look a total tool when you first tip up to your Battalion, especially in a Regiment with as long and prestigious a history as the Grenadier Guards. Think of it as akin to your first day at secondary school, where everyone knows the little unwritten rules except you. So, as a helping hand for the bewildered, I've prepared a short guide on the customs of the Regiment to help you feel at home as quickly as possible. I hope you find it helpful (but bear in mind that this list is far from exhaustive). 1) When marching through London, it is a custom of the Regiment to march at attention past the junction of Haymarket and Trafalgar Square. This customs dates from the days when Colonel Lawrence, Commanding Officer of the Regiment during the Regency period, frequented a syphilis hospital that once stood on the site. 2) The only officer in the Regiment not addressed as 'Sir' is the Medical Officer, who is always to be addressed as 'Mister Barber Surgeon'. 3) Guard duty is always referred to as 'picquet'. This is to commemorate an event at the Battle of Biarritz in 1814, when the Regiment's personnel on guard duty defended the officers' claret wagon-train from a marauding group of French Dragoons, armed only with 6-foot pickets. 4) Grenadiers refer to members of other regiments as 'Chippy Feckers'. This dates back to the days of the Second Boer War when most British soldiers, when asked what they were most looking forward to on their return to Britain, would reply 'having a chippy'. All Grenadiers were instructed to reply 'I'm looking forward to stagging-on outside the Bank of England'. 4) Waterloo Company carries on the traditions of the 4th Battalion, which was placed into suspended animation in 1946. The Company is therefore also known as 'The Black Company', in commemoration of one of the 4th Battalion's final postings, when the the Battalion added to the Regiment's glorious history by fostering lasting relations with the local population along Nigger Alley in Hamburg. 5) Corporals are called Lance Sergeants in the Regiment. This custom dates from the days when Comapny Commanders, exhausted from the heat of India, would call upon their Orderly Corporal to employ his 'lance' in satisfying members of their ever-demanding harems. 6) Traditions continue to be added to this day. For example, the Mess toast to an Officer or Soldier who has just discovered the existence of a new child is 'Mtoto! Mtoto!' - Swahili for 'Baby! Baby!' You'll also have to spend a little time on platoon battle drills, fieldcraft, navigation etc but don't worry to much about these. Nobody else does.