Great unwitnessed events.....

Discussion in 'Old & Bold' started by ancient, Aug 22, 2012.

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  1. This evening as I was leaning on my patio fence , throwing stale bread to my chickens ten feet below, the fence gave way. I had no chance to get my balance back and did a controlled leap, culminating in a superb knee, hip and shoulder roll, as taught to me on assault courses in 1984 basic training. Bouncing easily back onto my nearly fifty year old feet, I looked around to see if any of my neighbours or indeed my wife had seen my impressive performance. None had. The wife was in the kitchen, sorting the recycling, nobody saw it. A wasted effort. What great things have you done that no one saw?
     
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  2. The epic, earthquake scale, toilet bowl shattering, gut-wrenching fart I blasted out yesterday morning when attending to my morning voiding. I dare say I've never until then experienced such a traumatic, yet simultaneously gloriously liberating wind breakage. Alas, the only witness was my dog. Who departed the area rapidly. She has no appreciation for fine art.
     
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  3. BiscuitsAB

    BiscuitsAB LE Moderator

    Tunguska! That was me, left the gas on went shopping came back light a fag -kaboom - here I am thrown 90 years into the future.
     
  4. I slipped and landed on my arse while carrying 3 drinks at a boozer. 2 pints and a wine. No ****** saw it, thank god you may think but I didn't spill a drop!
     
  5. 3 Drinks? Mine would have to be the same as yours but minus the wine. Two pints, in pristine order one in each hand, with my arse flat on the floor.
     
  6. Deep in a dark wet forest somewhere in Germany, 2 til 4 stag, no lights allowed.

    Slow footsteps getting closer and closer.

    Quick flash of torches right-angled, and risk waking CSM?

    Summoned up courage, and flicked switch..

    No one saw me kick shit out of meandering hedgehog!
     
  7. Waiting for a train, a sunny, lazy day, so I thought I'd spark up a good cigarette and enjoy the day.

    Like a buffoon, I dropped the cigarette I was trying to light and fully expected it to be rolling around on the floor, when to my amazement I saw it had landed exactly upright on the platform, standing proudly erect like a small white penis.

    I looked around for admiring glances from attractive women - sadly not seen!
     
  8. In the gym on camp. On the treadmill, I went to grab my water bottle and dropped it. Reached down to grab it, lost my footing ended up on my back and got spat off the treadmill into the wall. Only one bloke (a mate) noticed it - his look as he frantically looked around for someone else who had noticed it too so he could take the urine was priceless.

    The other one was the best night of sex I ever had - an amazing orgy. We all agreed to never say anything about it again. Well when I said agreed, one just swished her tail and the other barked his agreement.
     
  9. When I was a bit younger I was cycling down a cycle path with my mate. I thought it would be funny to grind my tyre against his. The tyre bit and flung me off the bike and over the handle bars.

    The back flipped but I somehow managed to catch it and land on my feet. My mate saw non of it happen and just heard the bike as it hit the floor adamant that I had just hopped of it.
     
  10. Like when you smear your knob with Bovril and get next doors dog to lick it off, That kind of thing ??
     
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