Great Army Traditions

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by convoy_cock, Feb 23, 2009.

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  1. I was reading about that bloke causing mayhem in an armoured vehicle and it fair warmed my heart to know that todays soldiers are embracing some of our oldest traditions.

    One of the staples of the army way of life, along with coachloads of nurses from Rinteln/Woolwich, is the boozed up loon who takes an expensive piece of motorised equipment out for a spin. We all knew one/knew of one and the stories were always great, regardless of how true they were.

    Extra points seemed to be awarded for finally parking up in somewhere completely disrespectful like the Officers mess or on the RSM's Mondeo.

    At the heart of all these escapades was a tattooed hag from down town who had spurned the joyrider the night before. I love the skewed logic at work, which stated 'Now that that fcuking slag has binned me off for a local, I have no other recourse, than to smash the town up with a 432'

    It'd be great if all lifes problems could be solved in this fashion. I got told off this morning for being late with a Visio drawing I was supposed to do. How i'd have loved to go rallying round the car park, squashing everything in my sight, before clambering out and having a lag against a smouldering Prius.

    Promotion beckons for this man.
  2. The same thing happened,years ago,at Roberts Barracks in Oznatraz.Once the first driver was taken into the guardroom,his mate,who had been dozing in the back of the 432,got into the drivers seat,and set off again,down the main street.Hilarious!
    The 18-year-old soldier drove the first Scimitar tank out of his camp near Hohne at about 4 a.m. but left the road after half a kilometre and the vehicle ground to a halt, police in the nearby town of Celle said.

    Undeterred, he walked back to base, fetched another light tank and sped off towards the town of Bergen, pursued by military police who had spotted him. When they tried to block his path he swerved and crashed into a beech tree.
    Well done that man goes to show the tenacity of the british soldier
  4. Firstly, I'd just like to say great thread. Initially, I was going to reply with a great Army tradition being:

    The Iron Circle
    The Dance of the Flaming Arseholes
    Naked Bar
    Sh!t Bag (Lady leaves bag with squaddies = messy disaster)
    Rimmed Drink/Toothbrush/Pillow/Anything remotely funny

    However, on the theme of motorised vehicles + p!ssed up squaddie, I remember in PRB Gutersloh, around 2004/2005, a chef (full screw I think) get's shedded, and decides that now would be a good time to commit the perfect undetectable robbery. He gets in his car, and manages to drive to the Officers Mess. Parking up on grass around the back of the kitchen, he somehow gains access to the ration store and starts to stock up on beer and chocolate bars - the 2 main life support systems for the modern british soldier.
    Satisfied with his booty and all the pleasure it will give him, he forgets to shut the boot of the car and drive off towards the exit of camp, however, he is still on the grass. Forgetting that a road might be useful, he drives down a sharp ditch where the front end of his motor ends up being crumpled by the rise of said ditch. With the Officers Mess and Gaurdroom being on the same road, and on a camp of approx 3500 soldiers, it isn't long before the QRF are running over to what they think is an RTA; Choccy bars and Warsteiner spilling out of the boot tell a different story.
    Incredibley, the culprit decided to leg it before anyone noticed. An RMP's quick registration check revealed the name of this elusive thief, and by the time he staggered back to his room, pissed and muddy, the Orderley Sgt was waiting with a few redcaps.

    He got the Glasshouse, but he's still serving, I saw him last year.

    Extra kudos to that man for hitting the officers mess and by trying to outsmart the Police by legging it from your vehicle!
  5. S_M_P. was about the same time somebody took a drunken joyride in one of the fuel tankers, wrecked the gates going onto the AAC side of the camp. If i remember correctly no-one was ever caught for it either.

    Another time one of the lads decided to drive from gutesloh to his pad near beilefeld p1ssed out of his face, drives the car into a ditch half way home and knocks himself out. He starts to come round and hears sirens in the distance quick as a flash he jumps into the passenger seat and pretends to be out cold. German police and ambulance turn up and he's taken to the gilead.

    He got away with it all because he said the driver an unamed squaddie he met down town had done a runner.
    The RMP knew he did it but couldn't prove it.
    He got his comupence though and served a sentence in Colly then civvi knick for assaulting his wife,the neighbour who tried to help, the neighbours husband and the RMP when they turned up.
  6. Another lad i remember went AWOL for 3 months or so. He won the army sports lottery something like 3.5k. So he's turn up for work the monday after winning the Money and collects his cheque, then proceeds to go AWOL again, The same day.
    Hands up to him he had a lot of bottle, funny thing was with all this newfound wealth the local lasses were he lived couldn't keep there hands off him. His Girlfriend caught him doing naughty things to anothers ladys front bottom with his tongue and stole his car, she then proceeded to run him over and break both his legs which needed pinning back together.
  7. Yes a bit like the famous driving a Stalwart from France/Belgium/Holland to the Uk. I was told it was our MT troop Sgt when I joined in 1978 and as scabby fresh 19 year old he was my hero. After hearing the same story 20 times in the 15 I was in you get a bit fed up with it. Especially being told the same bloody story two weeks ago by some bloke in his 30's (pads brat) that his Dad did it in the 14/20th (as if any Mancunian could work out how to spell his name to sign the thing out :D )

    In 1990 we had a lad in my troop, called Scotty, in Tidworth who was diagnosed as having epilepsy after 2 years being in. He knew he was being chucked out but it still had to be done proper like. He hadn't done his drivers course but had done the usual moving the Chieftains in and out of the hangers in prep for it.

    One night after a lot of bevvies he went up to the tank park, jumped into one of our tanks and drove through the hanger door. The barrel went through the window in the door and it stuck on the fronk of the tank. The guard commander saw it drive past Bhurtpore Barracks and thought it was a Challenger because of the sloped armour on the front of the tank so didin't know what was going on!

    Scotty drove down the road and over a field next to the VCP on the cross roads that the RE bravely deserted when it came down the road anyhoo. He trashed a few cars on the way up to Marlborough with the monkeys and civvy police following him but gave up in the end. He was locked down but once freed himself he was trashed by our brave military police. His face was well fcuked by a monkey knee on his head but he looked a lot better as the Elephant man.

    Friend of mine told me that another member of the skipping chickens drove a Chieftains barrel through a pub just outside the camp in Hohne. Another myth or what? :?
  8. A slight embellishment of the facts there stumpy but basically correct. Scotty did not have epilepsy and he wasnt pissed either, there was a lot more to it than that but he did take it and the hangar dooor was still over the barrel......... he also did NO damage to any public property and it was scaleys on the gate not RE. He certainly didnt damage any civvy or otherwise cars on the way to Burbage where he stopped of his own accord. Basically true but then we do all love a bit of embellishment dont we............... pm me who you are, we must know each other cause i was Tp Cpl of 3 Tp and had to go and drive the bloody thing back with Loopy Lou Haines......................
  9. I knew a certain Corporal (who shall remain nameless - coz I have forgotten his name) that forced me - forced me I tell ya - to accompany him on the back of a brand new Norton Commando bike while he gave it a test drive around the backwoods in a certain Fally barracks one middle of the night.

    Now realising what I have just wrote could be construed by you wankkies as "Oh, sure, two guys on a bike in the backwoods late at night drop your panties there Spanky and let me fondle your handlebar" let me categorically state there WAS NO Wanky Spanky with a hanky. None, zip nada, zilch, except maybe I did squeeze his chest a little tight while he pointed the bike down a mahoosive knobbly hill - at speed.

    Not fearing the highly attentive guard on duty that night - simply because we WERE the highly inattentive guard - Corporal Knievel promptly deposited the headlight glass, thirteen front wheel spokes, and one left handlebar into a ditch mit tree half way down the hill.

    With crimping balls of steel Cpl Crasher "reports to the guard - enter in the log - 03:45am found one crashed bike hidden in the woods".

    Oh, the memories. Muhahahahaahahahaha.
  10. Glad you set the facts straight there Mr Crimson. I was on guard that night with a Geordie bloke who's name escapes me (D Sqn), and heard the conversation on the 351 when the 13th/18th asked if we had a wagon on exercise that night......errrr no? Mind you as the years roll on I have no doubt that, that will become the best attended guard in RH history.

    I may now be throwing more chinese whispers into the pot but did'nt a certain very unpopular pay Sgt refuse Scotty an AR payment to go and see his Doris in Swindon, and when challenged said to him "why don't you steal a Tank". So he did :D

    Also didn't he stop at Burbage because the railway bridge was too narrow? And my personal favorite, (true or not), Didn't one of the Monkeys use one of the ME exhausts to climb up onto the back of the wagon and leave the skin of his palm on it (choortle) :safe: . Well true or not thats the way I tell it. No doubt in some stories he is dressed as Batman.

    Edited to take the urine out of myself a bit more. :salut:
  11. 1977, Warminster. I was on the Skill at Arms course at the School of Infantry. On a sunny summer's afternoon I approached the Guardroom to book in after the weekend break. As I got closer, the shape of the Guardroom seemed to have altered slightly from when I had booked out the previous Friday. Within 50 metres or so it became apparent that a Chieftain MBT was firmly embedded into the side of the building.

    The story was that a bloke from the Demonstration Squadron had been on the lash with his crew mates in downtown Warminster, got arrested by the local plod and taken back to the Sch of Inf and placed under close arrest. His mates decided to break him out of nick by taking 'their' Chieftain from the park and bulldozing it into the cell. The attempt failed, and no one was injured, but the Chieftain remained embedded until the building was shored up and made safe.

    Crack on lads!
  12. Aha, where have I heard a similar tale, that will be the Stally incident that took place at 1/3/4 ADTR* no 10/7/8* Regt either that or at each of them when said rescue was attempted by a drunk and artificially brave mate, who when finding that the stally was firmly embedded under the guardroom roof and he could not open the hatch, found himself face to face with the RP Staff/Gd Comd/Pro Sgt/RSM/CO/ Comd BR Corps*

    * Delete as applicable. Damn good story though.
  13. Wayner, your memory serves you well on the bridge front and the Monkey. i had to go get the damn thing and the RMP WO2 who escorted us back tried to get his Sgt a commendation for attempting to stop said Chieffy. He climbed on the bonnet of the rover and tried to jump on the back decks, missed and grabbed the exhausts. Almost got run over by his own boss in the land rover at the same time. I just couldnt stop laughing when he was telling me, Lou Haines and Spud Jones in the guardroom after the incident.

    The Pay Corps bloke wouldnt give him the money but it was the boys in the block who suggested that there was transport up the tank park if he needed it but i dont think even they expected him to take it. Much fun was had by all especially Lou who had to explain why he hadnt fitted the Master switch padlock thingy that was all the rage about then, good job Scotty hadnt gone to my troop he could have had his pick there too.................................

    Quote of the evening was from the Scaley on the gate at VCP 2 when i asked him if he got the Registration number as it drove by, i just wanted to make sure it wasnt one of mine. Young Scaley retorts 'All i got was out of the Fcuking Way mate' Made i larf that did! (Mate, bloody Mate i was a full Cpl in the Cavalry for christ sakes and seriously considered having him flogged by the guard in front of his wife and kids but i was busy.................) no respect some people.
  14. Resident ex Rinteln/Woolwich QA claims that is a fecking wah. Apparently nurses spent fecking hours waiting for the bus at Rinteln. But at Woolwich, allegedly no fecking buses involved. Although there might have been parties.
  15. A coachload of nurse's turned up at my TAC every Friday night without fail because we shared the place with a medic unit