A man turns up at a Golf Club he has never visited before for a days golfing with his brother in-law. On walking into the golf club bar to meet his brother in-law as arranged, he is told by the barman that his brother in-law has called to say he cannot attend due to an emergency at work. The man is disappointed as decides to have a drink instead. After about three pints, there is a loud crashing noise, and he turns to see a fully grown Gorilla carrying a golf bag. The man turns to the bar steward and says."Am I pissed on three pints, or did I really see a Gorilla walk in here with a golf bag?" The steward replied. "No your not pissed, he is a member." "How is that asked the man?" He was the pet of a millionaire member here who died, and in his will he set aside a large sum of money for the Club providing the Gorilla who used to caddy for him could continue to play golf here." "As your brother in-law cannot attend would you like me to ask the gorilla to have a game with you?" The man agreed. As he and the gorilla were leaving the bar the bar steward said. "I have got to warn you he is f**king useless as you would expect, but at least you get to have a game." At the first tee the gorilla tee's off and hits his ball 435 yards with one stroke. When they get to the green eventually the man see's that the gorilla's ball is one inch from the hole. He nods at the gorilla and conceeds the hole. This is then repeated for the remaining seventeen holes. Each time the gorilla manages to get to the green in one stroke, and his ball being one to two inches from the pin. The man conceeds every hole to the gorilla and is feeling really pissed off. On entering the bar, the steward said. "How was your game with the gorilla?" "F**king awful." The man responded, "I ended up conceeding all eighteen holes to him, each time he mananged to get with and inch or two of the pin with one stroke." Ah said the steward, "You should have made the bastard putt them." For what good purpose asked the man? "Because he always hits the ball just as hard the second time!"