Gordon Brown's new, fairer tax system

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by stoatman, Feb 23, 2005.

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  1. In accordance with Gordon Brown's new simplified tax policy, I am now informing you of how the new, fairer system will be implemented. This socially and ethnically-balanced tax scheme will revolutionise the tax system of the country to reflect its new multicultural structure.


    Since paying people their wages directly is open to abuse, all wages will now be paid directly to the Government through an expanded PAYE system. Citizens will then be entitled to apply to receive tax credits based on the resultant of paying taxes at the following rates:

    Earnings over 100k will not be entitled to a rebate, since nobody needs that much money, and you must have stolen it from the working classes or by exploiting workers with AIDS in Africa.

    People earning 80-100k will be able to apply to recieve a rebate of 19% of the whole amount (earners over 100k be able to apply this rate for the rest of their earnings below 100k), since it's unfair that you should have worked so hard to earn such a lot of money. You must have deprived so many working class Labour voters of a job to earn so much.

    People earning 40-80k will be able to apply to recieve a rebate of 24% on the whole amount, since they are clearly either professional middle-class university graduates in their 30s and 40s and are thus not Neue Arbeit voters, or are plumbers and electricians who have got above their station.

    People earning 20-40k will be able to apply to recieve a rebate of 52.5%, since they are clearly newly graduated students who need to be taught about charity and how to earn money the hard way.

    People earning 0-20k are our target voters, and they will thus not be taxed at all. Instead, they will be given tax credits according to the following formula y=25-x, where x is their earnings and y is their tax credit.


    In addition, the following new taxes will be implemented:

    Savings will be taxed at 24% p.a. of the full amount saved. There is a state pension for you, so you have no reason to save at all, and to do so is bourgeois and greedy.

    Parents with children at private schools will be taxed VAT on school fees at 50%. We provide world-class state schools, so private schooling is wholly unnecessary.

    Owners of a car will be taxed at 20% of its initial value p.a.. We have a world-class public transport system, so you don't need a car. Hell, we even invented the train (Neue Arbeit, that is). This will replace the road tax.

    Owners (or renters on the private market) of a house will be taxed at the rate of 5% of its value p.a., as assessed by Neue Arbeit Property Valuation Ministry personnel. The council provides perfectly adequate accommodation for earners in the 0-20k bracket, so why do you need to own your own house? This will replace the council tax.

    Members of the Consevative Party, UKIP, BNP or the Lib Dems will have their rebates reduced by 10%.


    The following exemptions will be available:

    Donations to Neue Arbeit qualify for a tax credit of 200% of the donation value.
    Neue Arbeit politicians and civil servants registered with Neue Arbiet will be exempt from tax up to 100k.
    Neue Arbeit party members qualify for a 10% increase in rebate.
    Ethnic minorities, homosexuals and muslims (but NOT jews) will have a 50% increase in their rebate, since they are victims of white, middle class Males in society. Since they cannot be expected to read English, they will not have to apply for this - it will happen automatically.


    We hope that you love our new fairer tax system, which is for the benefit of all.

    Vote Neue Arbeit!

    ps - do the maths on the figures if you care