Good lines by DS

#1
Help needed - I'm in civvy street now and run a team of about 18. Different people each time we go out, for anywhere from 2-9 days. Every time we take off on a new job there's a briefing session and usually several along the way. I wish I'd committed more good lines to memory during IET and subsequent courses plus countless days listening to the NCOs in action.

So now I'm looking to shamelessly plagiarise your good material.

Anyone got any good favourite lines they had yelled at them/screamed at others? Parade ground drill lesson stuff, that sort of thing...
 
#2
1. civvies will not respond to squaddied beratement (unless they are ex-squaddies), what issues are you having with them?

2. Or you are trying to get some mil terms and be a walt

either way, you are a civvy, grown up and in charge of a few blokes now and again - crack on fella
 
#5
#6
BIPOLAR77 said:
1. civvies will not respond to squaddied beratement (unless they are ex-squaddies), what issues are you having with them?

2. Or you are trying to get some mil terms and be a walt

either way, you are a civvy, grown up and in charge of a few blokes now and again - crack on fella
Not having issues, just that they can be a tough crowd. Berasion isn't a feature during the briefings although it'd be handy to be able to revert to it on occasion. I'm just looking for a few good lines to throw in now and then and maybe get a laugh or two to break the ice since every bluddy time it's a case of starting over with a new bunch I've never met before.

Yeah being civvies it'd have to be relatively clean. Just had a look at pg1 of the Phrase Book... I guess I was looking for slightly tamer stuff, wtf was I thinking...?? Good reading though!
 
#10
I've always found kindness gets the best results. Brutal kindness, that is.

However, you could try " If I have to call you a tw@t you shouldn't be here in the first place."
 
#11
vvaannmmaann said:
Do your "teams" sell double glazing?
Not sales, no. The team has the equivalent of a Plt Sgt and two Seccos and the rest are workers. In a nice turn from the army, arses like in your avatar are not that uncommon. Only about 1 in 6 is a male.

The blokes could probably handle more of the Phrase Book stuff but the chicks need something a little more classy and clever and less dependent on the gutter. Thus I turned to ARRSE.
 
#12
rustygun said:
vvaannmmaann said:
Do your "teams" sell double glazing?
Not sales, no. The team has the equivalent of a Plt Sgt and two Seccos and the rest are workers. In a nice turn from the army, arses like in your avatar are not that uncommon. Only about 1 in 6 is a male.

The blokes could probably handle more of the Phrase Book stuff but the chicks need something a little more classy and clever and less dependent on the gutter. Thus I turned to ARRSE.[/quote]

my bold

Good grief: Asking a question like that on Arrse, especially in the Naafi Bar is like saying here's some ice cream, some red labboons and a window - now crack on :lol:
 
#13
rustygun said:
but the chicks need something a little more classy and clever and less dependent on the gutter. Thus I turned to ARRSE.
I think I can see the flaw in your plan...

msr
 
#15
Nothing clever in NAAFI? Bugger... I've already made one of them cry last month (a chick) for suggesting she leave the lifting of our bags (we usually have flunkies to do that for us) to the blokes. She was one of the "seccos" too. I tried telling her to "harden up" (a basic line I remember well) but this only accelerated the blubbering.

So you see, a few of your less in-your-face lines would go down well. I could even modify some of the harder stuff to suit. It's that or face the inevitable charge of her-arsement.

Or I could have no fun at all with mundane briefings and but that's no fun.
 

Bowmore_Assassin

MIA
Moderator
Book Reviewer
#16
What does your 'team' do for a living ?
 
#17
You told one of them to "Harden up" which caused her to blubber more and you want some help from the Arrse community??? 8O

Mate, maybe you should be trying the My Little Pony Fan Club instead.
 
#20
I think i've figured it out what you do.

Try this

"Sh1t in it -listen in!"
"Preeee-Zeeeent Brooms!"

"Right you bunch of fucktards, get this Woolworths distribution centre swept well clean for the handover, my wifes a salad and my tea is ugly so you are in your own time now". "On my timing...Sweep sweep sweep s s s s s s s s s s s s "
 

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