Good education?

Now that the dear Govt has promised all little darlings a good education, what should that actually include?

The most useful thing I learnt came from the head's speech to leavers which included the two gems: a) if you're going to have sex, sort out contraception before not afterwards and b) if you have too much to drink, before you go to bed drink a pint of water; if you throw it up, have another. My mother was shocked, but it was damned good advice.
If there's to be any hope for the future, they should be told to do as drugs in the largest quantities and highest purity possible. Then take up shark-wrestling and bear-baiting.

Those smart enough to ignore the advice may just be fit to breed.
I reckon if you can leave your first day at a new school without your cheeks being sore with the burn from hot toast, raw from the whipping and your hoop has not been stretched by some amorous 6th formers then you have not received a decent education.
Letting teachers get rid of the disruptive children and placing responsibility squarely on the parents for their behaviour.
They can start by stopping filling their heads with useless shyte like Media Studies. Let them do that crap at college and uni. They can then continue by making teaching a rewarding career instead of a fast-track to a heart attack.

English Language: So they can speak coherently instead of this this fcuking bizarre pseudo-Jamaican patois they insist on communicating in. It's Kingston-upon-Thames (or Hull), not the other one fcukwit. They should also be able to read books - of the non-Face variety.

Maths: So they can add up, subtract and do some other basic stuff. That's all that's needed for everyday life. Leave the other pointless mathematical shyte for college and uni.

Science: So they know where they've come from, what they're made from and why shit happens.

History: Ours preferably, followed by everyone elses'. It has a nasty habit of repeating itself. Forewarned is forearmed etc. It's also a great argument starter/winner.

Geography: So they know where they are and where they're going. They do not need an extensive understanding of crop rotation in Namibia. They just need to know where it actually is.

A Language: So they can speak the local tongue when they get there (Jamaica excepted).

Home Economics - Simple. Turn the fcuking telly off when you're not watching it and learn how to knock up an egg banjo.

Ten years or so of the above should arm them with enough to survive on this stupid planet.

Reward excellence. Punish mongness. Help those who really want to learn but are having trouble keeping up. Expel all gobby, violent wnakers and put them in penal battalions before sending them off to Somalia to (hopefully) never come back.

Result: Gene pool thoroughly bleached, and a society that might not disappear up its own hoop after all.

Fanciful, and it'll never happen, as the system is now totally irrepairable. The Left's great experiment has failed - or succeeded, depending on one's viewpoint. Quite why a civilisation would wish and engineer anarchy upon itself is beyond this c/s, but that's Guardian-readers for you I suppose.

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