Gone to the dogs - literally

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, Jan 30, 2009.

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  1. Tonight, I shall be revving up the L reg. brown Bentley, with its cream vinyl roof freshly scrubbed. I shall be donning my sheepskin car-coat and tweed cap and, pausing only to light a cigar, heading off to the dogs.

    TFB will be wearing a figure hugging leopardskin dress and a bee-hive wig.

    We will dine on chicken-in-a-basket and be quaffing cheap champagne. After betting on trap 6 all night, I will be peeling off a few fifties, press them into her hand and murmur lovingly "Go up west love, buy yourself sumfink nice."

    So different from the home life of our own dear Queen...yet how much fun!

    Is anyone else going down-market for their pleasures this weekend, for example abandoning their Knightsbridge-based, super-model girlfriend, to enjoy some skip-rat from Cardiff's company?
  2. I already live a gutter-like existence, where do I go from here that doesn't involve cardboard and piss?
  3. Anyone got 100 quid going spare?
  4. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Well, I for one shall be heading up to the smoke this weekend to large it up with soon-to-be-jobless yeeharrs wot work in bank services.

    I shall be travelling up from the poverty stricken Hastings-by-the-French, on pubic transport, swigging from a brown bottle, but before I get there, I shall be climbing into the pubic toilets, donning a fancy hired suit, spitting on my shoes and giving them a rub and splashing on something other than old spice.

    I SHALL be holding a plum in my gob for the duration, quaffing vintage shampoo, snorting expensive white powder, spitting on street performers, and going to the theeatta, and trying not to get into such a state that I swamp either myself or my bed for the night.

    On the way back home on Sunday, I shall dispose of all that posh la-de-dah clothing, buying myself some white lightning, and making sure that I am p!ssed up, covered in puke and wee and back to my old sweary self on arrival - hopefully with my usual cortege of crack dealers, pimps, ho's and armed police all waiting for me on the platform.

    I don't like to be out of my usual envrions for too long.
  5. I am a man of simple pleasures. I have no requirement for comfort or finery, hence tonight i shall be out with a group of (mostly female) students from a midlands based Uni, and will endeavour to pass on my seed... er, i mean worldly knowledge in a manner befitting the location before succumbing to an alcohol related bout of amnesia and no doubt ending up face down in a pile of my own vomit...again.

    If all goes well i will trap off and then grandslam.

    If all goes REALLY well i will grandslam and then trap off!!
  6. Why has thee google advert machine, at the bottom of this page, invited me to "join the goth scene" for free?
  7. I shall be spending my weekend in the company of two energetic and highly exuberant young ladies.

    Unfortunately, it's only because they were too ill to go with their mum for Spring Festival. Doesn't stop them running around the place squealing at 6 in the morning...
  8. If you get it really right, you will grandslam whilst trapping off!