Golf

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Bowser-Mong, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. This bloke and his rather attractive wife were out one Saturday having a round of golf. After a few holes, the husband tees up, takes a swing and slices the ball. It goes clean off the course and smashes the window of a nearby house. Being decent people, they decide to go across and offer to pay for the damage. When they get to the front door, they notice it is ajar, and when no-one answers their "Hello, anyone in?", they decide to go inside. In the living room there's a guy of about 30, well-built, wearing a t-shirt and jeans sitting on the sofa, and on the floor there is an empty bottle, a cork, their golfball and some glass from the hole in the window. The husband starts to apologise, pulling his wallet from his pocket, but the guy on the sofa is having none of it.
    " You don't owe me anything" he says "In fact, it's me who owes you. I'm a genie, and I was trapped in that bottle for over a thousand years until your golfball knocked it over and let me out. It is my duty to give you three wishes in return for this kindness. What do you desire?"
    The husband is a bit confused here " What do you mean?" he asks.
    "Tell me whatever you want and it will be yours" replies the guy on the sofa.
    After a moment's thought, the husband says" Well, a million quid would be quite handy..."
    " It is done! The money is in your bank account this instant. And your next wish?"
    " Well, I dunno, a million quid, that's a hell of alot, what more could I want?" The husband has another little think and says" How about a villa in the Bahamas?"
    " It is done! The deeds are with your lawyer and the staff await your arrival. And your last wish?"
    The husband really can't make up his mind, and finally says" Oh, give me seven Ferraris, one for every day of the week"
    "It is done! They are parked outside your villa and the keys are on the hall table!"
    The husband and wife can't believe their luck, and are kissing and hugging, when the genie asks the husband for a quiet word.
    " Er, look" he says, a bit shyly" I was trapped in that bottle for over a thousand years, and, well, I didn't get any sex in that time, and your wife, she's a very attractive lady, I was wondering if..."
    " A million quid, a villa and seven Ferraris" says the husband" I don't think there should be any problem, do you Tracy?!".
    Soon, the guy off the sofa and the wife are upstairs in bed at it like a barrel of rabbits. He does her every way, knocks her back doors in, does the lot. Finally, after a couple of hours of this they are laying back, and the guy asks" And how old is your husband?"
    "35" says the wife.
    The guy shakes his head in disbelief and says" 35....and he still believes in genies!!!"
     
  2. Very good