Golden moments in farting

#1
I have just nearly wet myself with laughter. Sat by the eld wifey and let a ripper. All I saw was my wife running off to the bog yaking up. Marital bliss clearly for winners.
The tears of joy are still running down my face now!

Is this grounds for a divorce? Although highly entertaining to me!

So have any of you guys made someone matt and luke from your rectal genius?

In your own time carry on.....
 
#5
bitterandtwisted said:
I have just nearly wet myself with laughter. Sat by the eld wifey and let a ripper. All I saw was my wife running off to the bog yaking up. Marital bliss clearly for winners.
The tears of joy are still running down my face now!

Is this grounds for a divorce? Although highly entertaining to me!

So have any of you guys made someone matt and luke from your rectal genius?

In your own time carry on.....
Your "story" stinks!
 
#6
Im not disputing the fact you farted but it's more likely that it went as follows:

Sat by eld wifey and let a ripper. She turned round and said "I can smell sperm"
 
#7
FiveAlpha said:
Im not disputing the fact you farted but it's more likely that it went as follows:

Sat by eld wifey and let a ripper. She turned round and said "I can smell sperm"
or: "I can smell Hamsters"
 
#9
TheBigUn said:
FiveAlpha said:
Im not disputing the fact you farted but it's more likely that it went as follows:

Sat by eld wifey and let a ripper. She turned round and said "I can smell sperm"
or: "I can smell Hamsters"
Or even: "I can smell our daughters toothpaste"
 

Ravers

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#11
Let me regail you with a tail of an epic pant gas moment.

A few years ago whilst on holiday in Barbados, a few of us decided to visit one of the smaller islands in the Caribbean. To do so we had to get a small 10 seater aircraft (I believe it was a Cessna Caravan) Once we had all strapped in my uncle let rip with possibly one of the loudest and foulest smelling farts I have ever witnessed. One by one the passengers all started vacating the aircraft as it was so bad. Finally the pilot turned around and got off too giving my uncle a look of utter disgust as he stepped out into fresh air.

So here's to my uncle the only man I have ever known to have cleared an entire plane with a fart.
 
#12
FiveAlpha said:
TheBigUn said:
FiveAlpha said:
Im not disputing the fact you farted but it's more likely that it went as follows:

Sat by eld wifey and let a ripper. She turned round and said "I can smell sperm"
or: "I can smell Hamsters"
Or even: "I can smell our daughters toothpaste"
Or even: "I can smell dog spunk"
 
#13
joey_deacons_lad said:
If you going to lie why not make it interesting something along the lines of a Latvian rent boy farting the DNA of three other men into your mouth that sort of thing
Funnily enough if you swap 'Latvian rent boy' for 'Belizean whore' that wouldn't be a lie.
 
#15
Yokel said:
Surely it should be brown moments in farting?
If you were on the Guinness all night it would be "Dark moments in farting"
 
#16
Guy seriously annoyed his wife with early morning farts. Dreadful. One year, as she was getting the turkey ready she had an idea. She took the gizzards and rubbish from the bird, went upstairs and emptied them into husbands pyjamas.
A short while later she heard a loud scream. Then a rushing into the bathroom. Later her husband came down with bloodied pj's in his hand. "What wrong" she asked. Hubby said that when he farted he found all rubbish inside his trousers. "OK though" he said "With the help of Vaseline I managed to stuff them all back in"
 
#17
I remember letting a superb rip-snorter go when in my O-level biology class in 1983. The funny thing was, the teacher, a Welshman named Colin Williams, rolled up in hysterical laughter, and all the girlies went "UUUUURRGHHH!" and ran away from me. One or two blokes clapped. The dogfish that Williams was dissecting rolled up a bit more too, I swear. God knows what mum fed me that day, but I've never let one go like it since.
 
#18
and another...

my mate Pat was doing flying training. He's in a Bulldog, just landed, around about 1984. He'd been seriously on the sauce the night before, followed by a big ruby. He couldn't hold it in anymore, and let a horror go in the cockpit. His instructor just said "Fuck - get out."

They're turning off the end of the runway after landing.
"Seriously?" Pat says.

"F*cking get out!"
So he did, and had to walk back the length of the runway with his parachute over his shoulder.

Having chewed on one or two of Pats during my time training with him, it was a fair one.
 
#19
Ravers said:
Let me regail you with a tail of an epic pant gas moment.

A few years ago whilst on holiday in Barbados, a few of us decided to visit one of the smaller islands in the Caribbean. To do so we had to get a small 10 seater aircraft (I believe it was a Cessna Caravan) Once we had all strapped in my uncle let rip with possibly one of the loudest and foulest smelling farts I have ever witnessed. One by one the passengers all started vacating the aircraft as it was so bad. Finally the pilot turned around and got off too giving my uncle a look of utter disgust as he stepped out into fresh air.

So here's to my uncle the only man I have ever known to have cleared an entire plane with a fart.
That sounds suspiciously like a potential hostage-rescue technique to me!


Many moons ago I was cycling home from school with a few mates. One of them happened to be one of the school's "big time hard boys" - total nutter who, despite his small size, would (and one time did) happily beat in your skull with a steel bar if you annoyed him.

Anyway, up he stands on his bike, getting himself in a position to effect some additional propulsion for his ride. Four seconds into his cheek-rippler he screams "oh f*ck, lads I've followed through! We need to get back, quick!"

The usual 10 minute journey was completed in a record four, in spite of our fits of laughter.




Last I heard of him, he'd got in with one of the big Moss Side gangs and had done down for murder. I shall be witholding his name for my own safety 8O
 
#20
I farted and amazingly........................ It smelt of shit. :roll:
 

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