Going dry

Has Allen Carr helped anyone here? I found his book helpful and he raised some excellent points in my mind which certainly added to my conviction to cut back big time on alcohol intake. But in that regard I can't help thinking Carr would regard me as a failure. He rather glibly asserts that you can stop drinking cold, and I am sure he was able to do that, and fair play to him, but I am not convinced that his plan is one that everyone could adopt.

Perhaps that is typical of the excuse making that any alcoholic, and let's face it we are all too dependent on alcohol no matter how much we try to whitewash it, would say.

Anyway I found it very helpful, even if Carr would feel I really wasn't listening to what he was saying if I still take a drink, I would be interested in what others feel.
 
Thanks, @captaincalamity

Don’t keep a food diary. My diet is pretty good, just need to cut out the rubbish snacks now & weight will stop dropping again. I lost a stone in about six months from my first attempt to pack in booze, but have put about half that back on again-could be the effect of building muscle in legs as well as refuelling unwisely.

I have core sliders & a bit of an upper body routine which I should do more of. Also do Tai Chi & a standing meditation practice which is good for core. Gym membership out of question while I’m unemployed, though. Just glad to be sorting out cardio with around two hours a day on bike on average.

Don’t find filling time difficult. Job hunting is a fairly full-time occupation, I do volunteer work, spend a lot of time with my elderly parents helping them out, am gradually returning my home to a state I want it after MrsPlume moved out, am catching up on books & model making, & then there’s all the effort I put into the AA programme!
 
Thanks, @captaincalamity

Don’t keep a food diary. My diet is pretty good, just need to cut out the rubbish snacks now & weight will stop dropping again. I lost a stone in about six months from my first attempt to pack in booze, but have put about half that back on again-could be the effect of building muscle in legs as well as refuelling unwisely.

I have core sliders & a bit of an upper body routine which I should do more of. Also do Tai Chi & a standing meditation practice which is good for core. Gym membership out of question while I’m unemployed, though. Just glad to be sorting out cardio with around two hours a day on bike on average.

Don’t find filling time difficult. Job hunting is a fairly full-time occupation, I do volunteer work, spend a lot of time with my elderly parents helping them out, am gradually returning my home to a state I want it after MrsPlume moved out, am catching up on books & model making, & then there’s all the effort I put into the AA programme!
@CaptainPlume

Do you have a defence discount card?
Many local authorities let you swim for free in their pools upon production of one.
 
@Mike Barton

I looked at the Allen Carr book to try & pack smoking in years ago. Obviously didn’t want to enough, it didn’t work.

For a true alcoholic as defined by The Fellowship sobriety is more than just abstinence from alcohol. It’s about creating a defence against the first drink by changing our way of thinking.

In my case as I’ve said before I managed up to about four or so months at a time without booze. However I was what some call a dry drunk as I hadn’t addressed my resentments, fears, and guilt over people I had harmed. When I did, and asked a Higher Power (in my case God) for help, it worked.

Don’t know why, but it did. I’ll settle for that!
 
@CaptainPlume

Do you have a defence discount card?
Many local authorities let you swim for free in their pools upon production of one.
Sadly not. Hung my boots up nearly 12 years ago. Also not that handy for a pool/gym complex & life pretty full but it will be on the cards as soon as I start working again. As I said, pretty happy with bike & am out in all weathers!
 
Sadly not. Hung my boots up nearly 12 years ago. Also not that handy for a pool/gym complex & life pretty full but it will be on the cards as soon as I start working again. As I said, pretty happy with bike & am out in all weathers!
Defence discount card is for veterans as well mate. My old man has one and gets money off all sorts of stuff.
 
Just out to lunch. OH is driving so I chose him Heineken 0.0 instead of a sugary soft drink when I went to the bar . He's not a beer connoisseur but likes it. He also likes it being recommended by the arrse drying out thread.
 
Sadly not. Hung my boots up nearly 12 years ago. Also not that handy for a pool/gym complex & life pretty full but it will be on the cards as soon as I start working again. As I said, pretty happy with bike & am out in all weathers!
Defence Discount Card is for ex as well as serving. Himself gets a fair bit of use from it.
 
Has Allen Carr helped anyone here? I found his book helpful and he raised some excellent points in my mind which certainly added to my conviction to cut back big time on alcohol intake.
His book on smoking didn't help until I'd actually quit, which was after my health had begun to suffer (heart trouble, oddly enough not caused by smoking but I thought smoking wasn't helping so I quit). What he says, in essence is, (1) Quit and (2) Stay quit. That's the Twelve Steps reduced to two if you like. I agree with him thus far.

I disagree with him, however, when he says you must throw all your cigarettes out. I had thrown my cigarettes out when I quit twice previously and both times I had become terribly anxious over having none in the house. This anxiety had been the stumbling block, so I thought to myself I would try keeping a pack, which I did.

However I kept it in such a place that it was hard to get to and I knew I would have to make a conscious effort to get at a cigarette. I don't recommend others doing this, only those who know they will get anxious, as it can easily go badly wrong, but for what it's worth, here are a couple of mental tricks to go with it:

Tell yourself you can have a smoke anytime you'd like but, it's not how bad you are feeling now, it is how much worse you will feel once you have smoked it. For the rest, for myself I got lots of traveler's sweets (Simpkins are as good as any), drank lots of water, chewed lots of non-nicotine gum, and when I would still stupidly crave "Just one," long after the physical cravings had gone, I used another mental trick:

If there was one thing I hated about smoking it was having a permanently tar stained first two fingers and thumb on my left hand. I didn't much care for the way they stank, either. Thus, when I found myself craving at odd times, I forced myself to look at those fingers and thumb, remembering the stain and the way they stank, keeping a mental picture of these things in mind as I said, out loud, three times, "I don't smoke!"

I know it might sound silly but repeating that little mantra in that way eventually killed any desire I had for smoking. I didn't carry cigarettes in my car, or on my person; that would have been tempting Providence a little too much, but even when I craved when driving I noticed I could just tell myself how stupid I would be to buy a pack when I had a pack at home. Usually by the time I got home, I'd be thinking about something else, and if I wasn't, I'd do as I described in the last paragraph.

As for drinking, the Australian writer Henry Lawson once wrote, "Beer makes a man feel the way he ought to feel without beer." For many years I thought that was just a wry quip from a well-known sardonic humorist, but when I reflected that Lawson was also an alcoholic or habitual drunkard as they said in his day, I realized it was actually a much more profound statement than that.

He was saying that he had to have so much beer or its equivalent in hard liquor every day so as not to at the very least feel anxious and uncomfortable, get the shakes, or worse yet, the DT's. Unfortunately Lawson did not "Heed the Gypsy's Warning," and the drink killed him. It's something I find I have to keep in mind for myself, that's why I have the quote in my signature block.
 
@CaptainPlume

DDS card gets you something like 15% off in places like Blacks and Cotswolds plus loads of other places online as well.
Also, if you go to various attractions, such as the Weald and Downland Museum, a ticket discount is given.
 
Well needed a spot-check inventory today. Told by friends MrsPlume brought MasterPlume to today’s match to see his favourite player’s farewell appearance. I should be glad for that.

However she scuttled off ASAP so he couldn’t see me. Breaks my heart, I’ve been carrying a couple of wee presents for him to every game since January just in case.

Still, I won’t drink on it. If HP wants it I’ll see MasterPlume eventually, in the meantime by staying sober I’m doing all I can to make it happen...
 
Well needed a spot-check inventory today. Told by friends MrsPlume brought MasterPlume to today’s match to see his favourite player’s farewell appearance. I should be glad for that.

However she scuttled off ASAP so he couldn’t see me. Breaks my heart, I’ve been carrying a couple of wee presents for him to every game since January just in case.

Still, I won’t drink on it. If HP wants it I’ll see MasterPlume eventually, in the meantime by staying sober I’m doing all I can to make it happen...
Sad, sad, sad. But you are taking the right approach. Imho she is playing a dangerous game, as he's old enough to spot what she's doing and hold it against her in years to come. Keep doing the right things, and the right thing will happen.
 
She's using young master Plume as a weapon to hurt you.

But, like @Grownup_Rafbrat has said, he's old enough to realise what she's doing and hopefully it'll bite her on the arse in years to come.

I'm in a similar situation. My son is 16, I haven't seen him or had any contact with the lad since he was 9 years old. Mother is a bitch. I can only hope that when he's old enough he'll make contact with me.
She described me as a violent drunk who threatened to throw her down the stairs. Now, when I'm pissed I'm either the funny bloke doing daft shit making people laugh or I fall asleep in my armchair.

Women WILL use the kids as weapons if they perceive it gives them the upper hand. Stay strong, stay off the pop and just give it time, Play the long game.
 
A good couple of days. Went & did a good deed for the sick of London, well the alkie I know who I finally got to discuss the Fellowship earlier in the month.

One of my network has just got me an interview for an interim post in education. It’s not really my field, but I’m more than capable & there’s an expression, “it’s easier to get a job when in a job”. Friend would have been friendly in my drinking days, but never have recommended me for a post with her own employer.

Then got home tonight & posted an average speed of over 18mph on the road bike over an 11 mile course. Life gets better, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly...
 
Sad, sad, sad. But you are taking the right approach. Imho she is playing a dangerous game, as he's old enough to spot what she's doing and hold it against her in years to come. Keep doing the right things, and the right thing will happen.
^^^^^^^^
This, on steroids.
 
One of my network has just got me an interview for an interim post in education. It’s not really my field, but I’m more than capable & there’s an expression, “it’s easier to get a job when in a job”. Friend would have been friendly in my drinking days, but never have recommended me for a post with her own employer.
Sorry for the nosiness but what sort of thing?

Good to hear that you're still doing well on the wagon.
 
Sorry for the nosiness but what sort of thing?

Good to hear that you're still doing well on the wagon.
I was a Bursar. Role is more on the HR side, & as an assistant. However I’m delighted with the chance to help my friend out when she’s snowed under; there are some bits of compliance (which was very much my bag) to look at; & while I’m enjoying a life of volunteering, AA, fitness, meditation & Tai Chi it will do me good to meet some new people, practise old skills, & learn some new stuff.

As job is in education I have to go through a full employment process as if I was unknown to the employer. Safer Recruitment (a Safeguarding thing) has put paid to being able just to get a mate in to do a job.
 

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