God: jack as fcuk or a quality heavenly being

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Jan 18, 2009.

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  1. What do you reckon, does Gid rock or is he a jack fcuker?

    My views, and views that were voiced firstly to wind up a Jehovah's biscuit who interrupted me watching Lexington steel slip a length of Alabama tube steak to Simone Peach.

    I'm a father, and nothing on earth (or in heaven / Hell / Wolverhampton) is more precious to me that my little girl, not even my original wild geese VHS cassette.

    The Jehovah was fighting Gods corner, saying he gave his son etc...... The jack cnut.... nothing would make me sacrifice my nipper, I'd step up to the plate and let them nail me up instead, as I believe any father worth has kiddies hugs would do. Not this fella, he parks himself behind a cloud, makes it rain and watches his lad take the rap for his inane ramblings.

    “Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” am pretty sure we know what that translates to, but I'm guessing God dubbed that to hide the cries of 'You dirty stitching jack b@stard' or 'Dad you gutless cnut'

    I didn't realise those words meant anything other than 'anyone got a step ladder and a claw hammer' but as I mature I realise that God didn't make a sacrifice, but just like Colonel Nathan T Jessop, he let the lad take the rap.
     
  2. If the Almighty was as powerful as people say, he wouldn't have had to make a sacrifice. He could have just terrorised people into worshipping him, a bit like Stalin. They also say he took six days to create the world and rested on the seventh. You say jack MDN and i'm inclined to agree. But i'll see your jack and raise you a lazy git.
     
  3. JAck as fuck only worked for 7 days, doesnt listen to anyone and allows his 'chosen' to invade a smaller nation and systamatically exterminate them 'sound familiar?'

    If he 'is' there why does he allow so much suffering, he is a sicko?

    And I am sick of the padres point, its gods will - what to make little girls cry as their father is burried? to allow rapists and pedos to roams and prey freely? whilst have a go heroes get sent to jail.

    Maybe this is hell on earth
     
  4. God probably doesn't exist, so stop worrying and enjoy life whilst you're here!
     
  5. Where do you think jesus got all that wine from? Little fcuker deserved being nailed up and i bet when he ascended to heaven he still got a good hiding from his dad who was drunk on merrydown having had his good plonk given away to bunch of freeloaders
     
  6. How anyone can follow a religion based on adultery, incest and pedophilia. Its just fecking beyond me. Sick Knuts.

    SK
     
  7. Lets take a look at the evidence for 'His' existence - hmm, well he set fire to a bush once, carved some instructions into rock (vandalism?) and got some bird up the duff. Add to this MDN's point about him letting someone else take the rap for him I think God is/was a squaddie. The 'Virgin' Mary was probably a clerk or a QA (which explains so much - like dropping a sprog surrounded by animals which sounds like the average QA conceiving a child too.
     
  8. Good theory. Do you think the Jehovahs Witnesses would buy into this? It could make their meetings interesting, what with a game of sacred freckles and for afters, trying to finish Psalms before the Holy ignited toilet roll burns the buttocks.
     
  9. Good point, I bet he lifted it from the Nazareth Aldi, theiving king of the Jews.
     
  10. Jesus was out on the piss one night and his excuse for coming home several days late is just crazy... I admit he had some great injuries to support his claims of being nailed to a cross, dying and then rising from the dead, but c'mon. Well who of us hasn't tried that excuse?
    Mind you if his earthly 'Dad' believed that Mary was a. A virgin and b. carrying the child of an invisible omnipotent, omnipresent being he'll believe anything. Mary could hardly pick him up for his claims without giving the game away about her own past.
     
  11. Maybe this is hell afetr all and he does exist...........

    I'm no Botherer of the man upstairs but with everything wrong in the world etc etc maybe we are in the rough place after all. We are here to be punished for the 'sins'of our lives befoer getting here.

    I expected it to be a bit warmer though and haven't seen the bloke in red with the pitchfork. Although the ex wife does a fair imitation.
     
  12. Jack. Omnipotent and THIS is the best he can do?! 8O And please, don't quote me that "God moves in mysterious ways" sh1te. He made the world in 7 days. Give me 24 hours with God's power and I'll turn this world into a much better place to live. 8)
     
  13. Actually, this is pretty much the Gnostic philosophy; Earth was created by the Devil, not God.

    The Gnostics were eventually wiped out by the Catholic Church, who in those days had a fairly muscular approach to dealing with any "rivals". :roll:
     
  14. Following on from a post i made in another thread if i were god id tuern Kelly Brook and Jessica Biel into trannies then have them locked away with me and a 5 gallon drum of poppers