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God: jack as fcuk or a quality heavenly being

#1
What do you reckon, does Gid rock or is he a jack fcuker?

My views, and views that were voiced firstly to wind up a Jehovah's biscuit who interrupted me watching Lexington steel slip a length of Alabama tube steak to Simone Peach.

I'm a father, and nothing on earth (or in heaven / Hell / Wolverhampton) is more precious to me that my little girl, not even my original wild geese VHS cassette.

The Jehovah was fighting Gods corner, saying he gave his son etc...... The jack cnut.... nothing would make me sacrifice my nipper, I'd step up to the plate and let them nail me up instead, as I believe any father worth has kiddies hugs would do. Not this fella, he parks himself behind a cloud, makes it rain and watches his lad take the rap for his inane ramblings.

“Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” am pretty sure we know what that translates to, but I'm guessing God dubbed that to hide the cries of 'You dirty stitching jack b@stard' or 'Dad you gutless cnut'

I didn't realise those words meant anything other than 'anyone got a step ladder and a claw hammer' but as I mature I realise that God didn't make a sacrifice, but just like Colonel Nathan T Jessop, he let the lad take the rap.
 
#3
If the Almighty was as powerful as people say, he wouldn't have had to make a sacrifice. He could have just terrorised people into worshipping him, a bit like Stalin. They also say he took six days to create the world and rested on the seventh. You say jack MDN and i'm inclined to agree. But i'll see your jack and raise you a lazy git.
 
#4
JAck as fuck only worked for 7 days, doesnt listen to anyone and allows his 'chosen' to invade a smaller nation and systamatically exterminate them 'sound familiar?'

If he 'is' there why does he allow so much suffering, he is a sicko?

And I am sick of the padres point, its gods will - what to make little girls cry as their father is burried? to allow rapists and pedos to roams and prey freely? whilst have a go heroes get sent to jail.

Maybe this is hell on earth
 
#5
God probably doesn't exist, so stop worrying and enjoy life whilst you're here!
 
#6
Where do you think jesus got all that wine from? Little fcuker deserved being nailed up and i bet when he ascended to heaven he still got a good hiding from his dad who was drunk on merrydown having had his good plonk given away to bunch of freeloaders
 
#7
How anyone can follow a religion based on adultery, incest and pedophilia. Its just fecking beyond me. Sick Knuts.

SK
 
#8
Lets take a look at the evidence for 'His' existence - hmm, well he set fire to a bush once, carved some instructions into rock (vandalism?) and got some bird up the duff. Add to this MDN's point about him letting someone else take the rap for him I think God is/was a squaddie. The 'Virgin' Mary was probably a clerk or a QA (which explains so much - like dropping a sprog surrounded by animals which sounds like the average QA conceiving a child too.
 
#9
theoriginalphantom said:
Lets take a look at the evidence for 'His' existence - hmm, well he set fire to a bush once, carved some instructions into rock (vandalism?) and got some bird up the duff. Add to this MDN's point about him letting someone else take the rap for him I think God is/was a squaddie. The 'Virgin' Mary was probably a clerk or a QA (which explains so much - like dropping a sprog surrounded by animals which sounds like the average QA conceiving a child too.
Good theory. Do you think the Jehovahs Witnesses would buy into this? It could make their meetings interesting, what with a game of sacred freckles and for afters, trying to finish Psalms before the Holy ignited toilet roll burns the buttocks.
 
#10
joey_deacons_lad said:
Where do you think jesus got all that wine from?
Good point, I bet he lifted it from the Nazareth Aldi, theiving king of the Jews.
 
#11
Jesus was out on the piss one night and his excuse for coming home several days late is just crazy... I admit he had some great injuries to support his claims of being nailed to a cross, dying and then rising from the dead, but c'mon. Well who of us hasn't tried that excuse?
Mind you if his earthly 'Dad' believed that Mary was a. A virgin and b. carrying the child of an invisible omnipotent, omnipresent being he'll believe anything. Mary could hardly pick him up for his claims without giving the game away about her own past.
 
#12
BIPOLAR77 said:
JAck as * only worked for 7 days, doesnt listen to anyone and allows his 'chosen' to invade a smaller nation and systamatically exterminate them 'sound familiar?'

If he 'is' there why does he allow so much suffering, he is a sicko?

And I am sick of the padres point, its gods will - what to make little girls cry as their father is burried? to allow rapists and pedos to roams and prey freely? whilst have a go heroes get sent to jail.

Maybe this is hell on earth
Maybe this is hell afetr all and he does exist...........

I'm no Botherer of the man upstairs but with everything wrong in the world etc etc maybe we are in the rough place after all. We are here to be punished for the 'sins'of our lives befoer getting here.

I expected it to be a bit warmer though and haven't seen the bloke in red with the pitchfork. Although the ex wife does a fair imitation.
 
#13
Mighty_doh_nut said:
What do you reckon, does Gid rock or is he a jack fcuker?

My views, and views that were voiced firstly to wind up a Jehovah's biscuit who interrupted me watching Lexington steel slip a length of Alabama tube steak to Simone Peach.

I'm a father, and nothing on earth (or in heaven / Hell / Wolverhampton) is more precious to me that my little girl, not even my original wild geese VHS cassette.

The Jehovah was fighting Gods corner, saying he gave his son etc...... The jack cnut.... nothing would make me sacrifice my nipper, I'd step up to the plate and let them nail me up instead, as I believe any father worth has kiddies hugs would do. Not this fella, he parks himself behind a cloud, makes it rain and watches his lad take the rap for his inane ramblings.

“Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?” am pretty sure we know what that translates to, but I'm guessing God dubbed that to hide the cries of 'You dirty stitching jack b@stard' or 'Dad you gutless cnut'

I didn't realise those words meant anything other than 'anyone got a step ladder and a claw hammer' but as I mature I realise that God didn't make a sacrifice, but just like Colonel Nathan T Jessop, he let the lad take the rap.
Jack. Omnipotent and THIS is the best he can do?! 8O And please, don't quote me that "God moves in mysterious ways" sh1te. He made the world in 7 days. Give me 24 hours with God's power and I'll turn this world into a much better place to live. 8)
 
#14
570mils said:
BIPOLAR77 said:
JAck as * only worked for 7 days, doesnt listen to anyone and allows his 'chosen' to invade a smaller nation and systamatically exterminate them 'sound familiar?'

If he 'is' there why does he allow so much suffering, he is a sicko?

And I am sick of the padres point, its gods will - what to make little girls cry as their father is burried? to allow rapists and pedos to roams and prey freely? whilst have a go heroes get sent to jail.

Maybe this is hell on earth
Maybe this is hell afetr all and he does exist...........

I'm no Botherer of the man upstairs but with everything wrong in the world etc etc maybe we are in the rough place after all. We are here to be punished for the 'sins'of our lives befoer getting here.

I expected it to be a bit warmer though and haven't seen the bloke in red with the pitchfork. Although the ex wife does a fair imitation.
Actually, this is pretty much the Gnostic philosophy; Earth was created by the Devil, not God.

The Gnostics were eventually wiped out by the Catholic Church, who in those days had a fairly muscular approach to dealing with any "rivals". :roll:
 
#15
Jack. Omnipotent and THIS is the best he can do?! And please, don't quote me that "God moves in mysterious ways" sh1te. He made the world in 7 days. Give me 24 hours with God's power and I'll turn this world into a much better place to live.
Following on from a post i made in another thread if i were god id tuern Kelly Brook and Jessica Biel into trannies then have them locked away with me and a 5 gallon drum of poppers
 
#16
BIPOLAR77 said:
JAck as * only worked for 7 days, doesnt listen to anyone and allows his 'chosen' to invade a smaller nation and systamatically exterminate them 'sound familiar?'

If he 'is' there why does he allow so much suffering, he is a sicko?

And I am sick of the padres point, its gods will - what to make little girls cry as their father is burried? to allow rapists and pedos to roams and prey freely? whilst have a go heroes get sent to jail.

Maybe this is hell on earth
A good theory, but in my opinion flawed by the exsistance of cold Herforder, Tequila, pizza and steak. Hell just wouldn't have them... would it? Naaaa not a chance.

We must be on a huge spinning rock, revolving around a hot star and all religions are invented by people trying to explain the unknown, hijacked by those who wish to control the people. Give me science over religion any time. Science makes a good drink and a pizza.... religion doesn't.
 
#17
Plant-Pilot said:
BIPOLAR77 said:
JAck as * only worked for 7 days, doesnt listen to anyone and allows his 'chosen' to invade a smaller nation and systamatically exterminate them 'sound familiar?'

If he 'is' there why does he allow so much suffering, he is a sicko?

And I am sick of the padres point, its gods will - what to make little girls cry as their father is burried? to allow rapists and pedos to roams and prey freely? whilst have a go heroes get sent to jail.

Maybe this is hell on earth
A good theory, but in my opinion flawed by the exsistance of cold Herforder, Tequila, pizza and steak. Hell just wouldn't have them... would it? Naaaa not a chance.

We must be on a huge spinning rock, revolving around a hot star and all religions are invented by people trying to explain the unknown, hijacked by those who wish to control the people. Give me science over religion any time. Science makes a good drink and a pizza.... religion doesn't.
Religion (allegedly) turned water into wine though.
 
#18
theoriginalphantom said:
Religion (allegedly) turned water into wine though.
Allegedly. I have two issues with that.

1. It is reported by the ones who were writing the story. They not only had a vested interest in the story being impressive, but as anyone who has listened to the 'old sweat' in a NAAFI bar on a Friday night will know, there are 'stories' and there are complete bollix..... sometimes at the same time.

2. 'Wine' back then was nothing more than watered down grape juice. It only really got alcoholic when it was stored for long periods. Hence any water turned into on the spot to 'wine' was probably just a kids drink rather than a drink that allowed the party to 'get on one' and call 'naked bar'. What proof do we have? Well, after the 'water into wine' incident, despite the event being fully documented, there is no mention of 'naked bar', anyone throwing up under the table or any fighting. QED
 
#19
Hell, I can turn water into wine. Just give me some grapes, a bag of sugar and a month or two...

God has to be the biggest wind-up merchant going. He gets pretty much every society to fall for a version of the old sky-pixie patter, then picks some swivel-eyed loon out of the crowd and whispers in his ear, "Those blokes over there looked at me a bit funny. Go on, knock seven bells out of 'em and I'll see you right in the afterlife. Hot and cold running virgins, psalm-singing, knobbly knees contests, the works". Then he sits back, cracks a cold one and watches the slaughter from a nice comfy Linda Barker cloud.

And given the state of the universe - all the cracks and leaks in the substance of reality, shoddy workmanship if you ask me - I say God must be the YTS lad who's been left in charge while the real gaffer goes of on holiday and he's just pissing about.
 
#20
God, never met the bloke, never likely to, all an invetion to make kiddies scared and do as they are told.

As my old boy said "Son, never ever trust anyone who thinks they have a direct contact with God even if he doesn't answer back, because more evil has been done is his name than good"

His was probably the best way to deal with Bible thumpers,God botherers and Jesus freaks, he was a reasonably intelligent bloke with a good line in patter which led to some interesting invites into the house, picture the scene.....

Sunday Morning in the Mid-70's the front door goes with a sickening rat-a-tat that sounds to me like the person on the other end of it is impossibly happy for a Sunday morning, my old boy opens the door with a huge smile on his face and he shouts over his shoulder, "Joan (Mum), put they kettle on will ye Hen?" (Dad,Glaswegian 5'6", Razor scar, fit as a butchers dog and accent thicker than drying cement) Before said God botherers pipe up, I hear "Yuz'll be wanting to come in and talk tae us aboot Him Upstairs then?, come in an get yersel comfy, this'll tak wee while".........

*cue shimmering screen indicating that this is now 2 hours later*

....God botherers are planning to leave the church and are affirming for the 20th time that the old boy is smarter than they are ever lkely to be and that in all probability God doesn't exsist,

"As a matter of fact Mr.G" says one of them, "I see that look on your face and that means "Definitely" doesn't exsist doesn't it?" says one of them, desperately back pedalling......

In the end they manage to escape with their whole system of belief in tatters and they are questioning even the exsistence of the Tarmac pavement they are walking on, I in my callow youth, ask my Dad "Why do you do such things?, that took away 2 hours of your time that you'll never get back".

With a Sharklike grin on his face he leans over and whispers in my shell like so as Mum can't hear "Son, it's illegal to hunt they fcuker's doon and kill 'em, so's I thought it'd be FAR more of a hoot to fcuk them up fe' the inside oot an' start by liquidizing they fcuker's brains".

I had a huge amount of time and respect for my old boy, and i'm fcuking PROUD that no-one tells ME what to believe, I am TRULY my Fathers son!
 

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