God-bothering or wind-up?

#1
Don't ask how, but I ended up with this pile of nonsense in my browser. Being in need of a bit of an outrage release, I started reading it, and sure enough started getting very cross.

Unbelievable God-Bothering Link


I very rapidly realised that it MUST be a wind-up, however. The views on masturbation are brilliant:

Myth: Masturbation is a "Victimless Crime."
Reality: Theological experts on Masturbation have come to the conclusion that Masturbation is what is known as a "gateway" sin.
If we outlaw dildos and require that all sausages, cucumbers and carrots be sold pre-sliced, we will make it much easier for the women among us to resist the temptation to Masturbate.
Menstruation similarly:

If you have a wife like I do you should know there is a time of month where the woman spills blood in the night. What is this and what does it mean? Does it mean she is demon possessed or maybe she is having an orgasm. In all truth we all know women don't have orgasms. All women just lie on their backs and let you do your thing then you have a baby. Actually women hate sex and they usually cry during it as does my wife.
There is reams of this stuff, you couldn't make it up! Well I couldn;t anyway - clearly someone has.

In order to resolve this I intend to ask for clarification on whether JC had a guzzle of vinegar or a drop of the old wine and myrrh prior to popping off. This is not a particularly imaginative question, there are thousands of such contradictions in The Bible, but I will keep you informed of the replies that I get.

I am confident that many ARRSErs will be much more imaginative than I in investigating this matter, and if it is (as I suspect) a wind-up, the answers should be very amusing. If it's for real they should be even better.

I would suggest a round of applause for the most imaginive question and the most entertaining reply.
 
#3
#5
Yes... apparently a young lady with a nice shapely backside.... its the 'Gateway to Sin' according to some Right wing Fundie-Christians... So what about a shapely gay bum..... that must be the 'Gateway to Hell'...... :roll:
 
#6
richard dawkins then. the selfish gene can be thought of as a gene which when replicated no longer needs
you. therefore keep wanking and fool it.
 
#8
HAD to go back to the top first post to remember what the hell this was about
Wanking no probs. drops head on naafi table starts snoring
 
#14
spaz said:
desmond said:
stop repeating spaz, ive got 32 rounds shagging my springs right
now . can I fire your way
What are you on about you crackhead?
32 rds? SMG? Or is the wigga on about some gansta weapon like the mac 10?

Just to keep this on thread - Masturbation is fcuking great!
 
#15
[quote="FiveAlpha]Just to keep this on thread - Masturbation is fcuking great![/quote]

You've been a wanker ever since you joined this site...
 
#16
cynical_stab said:
[quote="FiveAlpha]Just to keep this on thread - Masturbation is fcuking great!
You've been a wanker ever since you joined this site...[/quote]

You're too kind Mr Hobbyist. I've been an avid puller of pork since I was 12.
 
#17
msr said:
I think you will find that this is the definitive source: http://www.400monkeys.com/God/

msr
Granted a little tiny bit more concise.

But nowhere near as much fun.

I would like to know what happens if I spill my seed somewhere other than on the ground? Into a youg ladie's hair, for example? Or a sock maybe.

Edited for being thick.
 
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