Goats Bollocks

#1
Over the years I've heard of many cultural culinary delights from sheep eyes to monkey brain et et...

Last night sat down to a prog of Bear Grylls... who of course is a complete nutter... there he was in the Sahara with local tribesman - doing his best to not offendi. The local lad proceed to chop a bollock off a goat he was prepping and gave it to BG... BG noshed it - then chundered all over the place. Concerned that he might have offended the local, he then apologised copiously blah blah... sorry....

Got me to wondering, if the local had just offered the goat bollocks to the visiting Englishman due to some misunderstanding that English peeps like chomping the goaties balls.... probably the language barrier being the main obstacle... the tribal chappie thought.. Hey Up (colloquial) the English are here... better feed them the goat's bollocks... wouldn't want to offend them.... one of those misunderstandings that has stood the test of time I think.
My advice for survival in such circumstances is: Learn the French for... 'No thanks, I'm not that keen on Goats bollocks, and where's Pizza Hut mate?'
 
#4
I've eaten some crap in my time - including The Scarey One's offerings - including dried worms in a stew (good protein), bullrushes and assorted snakes. However the one that made me wince was foal. I was in Jaymany - Rhine area - and the locals offered me foal. It was rather tasty, but I had nightmares about telling my kids... that and eating the Bambi that was a roadkill in Surrey. Does anyone else have feelings for doe-eyed cuties? Pls. no comments about Anna Ford in her prime etc.
 

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#5
I worked in Pakistan back in the 70s/80s. I recall one local delicacy which consisted of goats' bollocks + goats' brains. I could never bring myself to try it but I know several Brits braver than me who gave it a go.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#6
I had bollocks in Thailand, the steak was off the menu, so I thought i'd be safe ordering meatballs. The other half mother necked them, didn't even question what they were, she's just a dustbin, they gave her a lotus flower and she ate that.
I had one nibble and decided they really weren't for me and wasn't quite what i'd expected to be meatballs, the heineken was lovely mind.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#8
My mate claims to have "watched people eating monkey brains" whilst he was in Thailand. Or somewhere near abouts.
They'll eat anything they don't care if it's illegal. I saw some huge turtles that had been caught I was told it was illegal but they argued it was very healthy to eat it.
 
T

Taffd

Guest
#9
I recall seeing a documentary, many moons ago, that had a fellow employed somewhere in the Scottish highlands/islands, whose sole purpose was to measure the size of goats bollocks, with a big, fuck-off pair of calipers.

Apparently, they enlarge somewhat prior to and during the mating season and fairly accurate weather forecasting can be achieved with the results, ie, when winter's about to kick in etc.
 
#10
Done the brain from cows and sheepsies, with lemon juice, lurvly. Done bbq testicles from different doners, lurvly. Done ikkle birds - sparrow, thrush etc - (tastes of offal), lurvly. Done sheepsies eyes, not so lurvly.

My revelation on the road to obscure grub was when I found out was what mock turtle soup was made of. After that everything worth a try.
 
#12
I've cooked and eaten sheep's balls, but wasn't too impressed, for real squirm factor, I suggest lamb's tongues, they look pretty much like tongues, unlike Ox tongue, which is served in slices.

The other goodie is dog as served in Korea, no messing about, Rin Tin Tin, or Snoopy, minus fur on a plate.
 
#13
Goat balls....I only picked up the courage to suck experimentally on one when offered. Soon spat it out though... not to my taste at all... quick slap on the arse and off the goat trotted, no harm done.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#14
At first I thought the balls were meatballs in a sausage type casing biting it proved it wasn't. My food came much later than the other half's mother, she never even questioned or knew what she'd eaten. I think she rammed three skewer fulls down her neck by the time mine had arrived.
 
C

Crio

Guest
#16
Alligator - it's a lot like catfish, but the texture is meatier.
Locusts - tastes like veg, weirdly. A bit like wheatgrass juice. Minging - minging I tell you!! - dipped in chocolate.
Guinea Pig - tastes a bit like lamb, very stringy.

Goats balls? No, niet, notafuckinchance.

Have always suspected this is a massive joke by the hosts of such mugs - "Let's see what we can make him eat before disgust overrides manners. This will be fun. Yes."
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#17
I only picked up the courage to suck experimentally on one when offered.
You were there when me and Big Jaffa first fell in love? Wow. How's it going Kev? Long time no see. PM me, yah?

Goats Head Soup. Title of the second best album by the Rolling Stones and evening street snack of choice in Iran.

Take a dust bin full of water. Light a fire under it. Hoy in some goats heads, sans fur and... I'm guessing pulses, maybe chopped veggies and spices. Lots of pepper. And serve. The most delicious broth this side of the Heelands.

And they have a draining board on the side where they fish out the goats skulls and pile them up. Just so you know you are getting goats head soup and not bits of old dog soup.

And while I'm on... how do you tell goat meat from dog? Glad you asked. Dog has little golden globules of fat sticking to the meat. Goat does not. So if the meat in your goat curry has little golden globules of fat sticking to it, kick off. No Sharia Court will convict you and you can witness the thief hung in the football stadium next Saturday night. Avoid the snacks would be my advice.
 
#18
some years ago, on a trade mission to China, I experienced the wonder that is a state banquet. Fortunately everyone was bolloxed on some local rice wine hooch because the foodstuffs varied from the divine to the "what the fuck was that?"...I was offered a "delicacy2 by a trade minister, third class which turned out to be a sea slug. It looked and tasted however like a fish turd. Other highlights included the bits of animals which we rightly mince up and sell in a Morrisons pie.

I had visions of the home-team lining up at the airport as they waved us off saying "Thank fuck the British have gone...they'll eat ANYTHING!"
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
I had visions of the home-team lining up at the airport as they waved us off saying "Thank fuck the British have gone...they'll eat ANYTHING!"
Actually Cuddles, you may finally be of some use to me. This does not mean we are engaged. Do not get ideas. But let me run one by you, ref: your sea slug experience?

Yonks ago I was in a sandy place at a 'banquet' when, after some agreeable Humos type muck, I was presented with two sheeps eyballs peering at me on top of a pyramid of rice. I noticed I was the only one present with this dish, and that the tenor of conversation had dropped. It wasnt that they were watching, but they were, you know?

I said "Sorry, I cannot eat eyeballs. It is my religeon" whereupon they all cracked up and we got on with the evening.

My question is... do foreign types conspire to see what sort of filth the 'honoured guest' will swallow because they are having a laugh, or would they serve eyeballs and sea slugs to the King if he popped by?
 
#20
Well in Oman the eyeball is definitely not a trick and it is seen as a delicacy. The newly arrived British officer throwing his ring up is merely a bonus...

Not 'twas not me, I just swallowed mine! Bleah!
 
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