Global knives spawny get

Discussion in 'Cookery' started by Pigshyt_Freeman, Apr 14, 2013.

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  1. I am the world's jammiest ****** of the moment.

    Was taking stuff to the local tip, next to me is a bloke sobbing and throwing ladies undergarments on the tip. Ever interested in the perversions of others, I asked him what he was about, and got treated to a diatribe about a ******* ******* bitch bitch bitch ungrateful ******* bitch bitch bitch as he put it, who'd run off with his 'best mate'. The sobbing chap was chucking away all the stuff she'd left behind.

    He came to a bag that rattled and wailed 'And I only just bought her these knives for her birthday'; needless to say it was 'Oh well I'll have 'em if you don't want 'em.'

    Got back home to find a 4" utility knife, 3" peeler, a 7" Nip-knife and an oriental oyster knife, plus magnetic sheaths for same and a rotary sharpener. Result or what? My missus has wrecked all my knives (bent and broken tips, cracked blades etc), so these are for me alone.

    Three cheers for wanky blokes whose women ditch them and who get all weepy about it.
    • Like Like x 5
  2. not really the jammiest ****** more like gullible !! you do realise hes a modern day jack the ripper whos stabbed her to death during a massive rape induced argument and needed a set of fingerprints on the tools of his trade !! have you never watched Dexter !
    • Like Like x 1
  3. At the very least he should have banjo'd his erstwhile best mate, reminds me of a line in the film "The Jerk" about an "average
    victim bastard".
  4. They were still in their display packs. Virgin knives awaiting my despoiling hand.

    I'm making scallop and lobster ravioli for dinner, I think the 4" utility knife will be perfect for slicing the scallops into three layers.
  5. It's you own fault - next time don't stab so hard.
  6. I used to have a RAF SAC working for me who had collected an impressive array of personal belongings of good quality. Whenever he heard someone's missus had left, and they were moving back into the block etc., he would offer to help them move and relieve them of all the kit for which they had no space. Often he would sell whatever version he had before (mountain bike for example) and keep the new gucci one he had obtained. Cynical yes, but a cracking ploy if you are sufficiently thick-skinned.
  7. terroratthepicnic

    terroratthepicnic LE Reviewer Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Runners

    The Crying bloke clearly didn't love his wife that much, if he did he wouldn't have got her shitty ******* global knives.
  8. ******* gayer- you let a perfectly good stash of lady undercrackers go in the bin.
    • Like Like x 2
  9. Jealous much?

    They're ******* lush to work with, opened a dozen oysters each last night with the shellfish knife, it did the three dozen first go each time.

    The night before I made more scallop and lobster ravioli and the 4" job made perfect slices of scallop with not a single fibre torn or even disarranged.
  10. They were new and therefore lacked the buildup of 'vadge-patina' essential for the proper enjoyment of such garments.
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Well what knives would you recommend?
  12. terroratthepicnic

    terroratthepicnic LE Reviewer Book Reviewer
    1. ARRSE Runners

    Victorinox, stay sharp for longer and have a handle that won't get all slippery when blood and guts get all over it. Plus the weight balance seems to be right on Victorinox, Global tend to be blade heavy.

    But thats just my opinion with the limited expirience I have.
    • Like Like x 1
  13. My previous set, the ones the missus wrecked, were Wusthof. I doubt I would have gone out and spent £275 on Japanese knives, but these will do very well for free.