Glasgow woman's 'hard stare'

#1
#3
What about they guy who has eye ointment to try to help his erectile problems? Aye, its still flaccid, but it looks bigger.

The local chavs have been mixing viagra with optrex for years.
Apparently it makes you look hard.

I'll get my coat.
Keep it up. Oh....
 
#4
I knew a pharmacist who when they were bored tried to sell KY Jelly to old people as a miracle hair conditioner, just to have the amusement of watching the gammons come in asking the young counter staff for KY
 
#5
Is this her?

1546948259684.jpeg
 
#6
I used to work in an outpatients ophthalmology clinic years back when cataract ops were a cash cow thanks to NHS priorities. One afternoon an old dear who had her cataract op that morning was brought back in through A&E, it seemed that for some strange reason she kept superglue in her medicine cabinet and mixed it up with the eye drops she'd been given.
The caring professional nurse who relayed the story to me could hardly stand for laughing.
 
#7
My late grandfather - a tough, retired Durham miner and ex WW1 veteran - was feeling under the weather one day. My aunt helpfully gave him a soluble Alka-Seltzer tablet.
A few minutes later, he complained: "These tablets are bloody fizzy."
 
#9
All the male residents of the local care home are prescribed Viagra.
Nothing to do with anything sexual, it just stops them rolling out of bed at night.
 
#10
Should have gone to Spec Savers.
 
#12
"She was treated with antibiotics, lubricants and steroids for her blurred vision and lid swelling."

It was already beginning to work, then.

*Childish snigger*

OZ
 
#13
I tried a vitamin C tablet from my wife's end of the medicine cabinet.......gave me pink rabies and I farted real bad for 3 days.
 
#14
I knew a pharmacist who when they were bored tried to sell KY Jelly to old people as a miracle hair conditioner, just to have the amusement of watching the gammons come in asking the young counter staff for KY
Possibly an urban myth, but I heard some dental students injected lidocaine into the tube of KY jelly one of their colleagues was taking on honeymoon.
 
#15
Possibly an urban myth, but I heard some dental students injected lidocaine into the tube of KY jelly one of their colleagues was taking on honeymoon.
Who in their right mind tells their friends/colleagues that they are taking KY Jelly on honeymoon and then allows them access to it?
Just saying.
 
#17
Who in their right mind tells their friends/colleagues that they are taking KY Jelly on honeymoon and then allows them access to it?
Just saying.
Probably the same guy that left his riot helmet in the back of the pig then later found someone had shat in it...
Or maybe another urban myth.
 
#18
Probably the same guy that left his riot helmet in the back of the pig then later found someone had shat in it...
Or maybe another urban myth.
That was my mukker Smudge, he still hasn't forgiven me.
 
#19
Probably the same guy that left his riot helmet in the back of the pig then later found someone had shat in it...
Or maybe another urban myth.
To divert the thread even more. I spent a bit of time with some RIR part timers in a border PB. Cracking blokes (and great cooks). One night one lad had his helmet filled with water (and an orange for some reason) then stuck in the freezer.
He got his own back by soaking the culprits perfectly rolled up sleeping bag in water and sticking it in the freezer in the same way.
I stepped out of the PB once - and nearly sank to my knees. Which should tell you which part of the province it was in.


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#20
Possibly an urban myth, but I heard some dental students injected lidocaine into the tube of KY jelly one of their colleagues was taking on honeymoon.
The instructors on my medics course used to talk about using lignocaine (same stuff) gel to enhance the longevity of one’s performance. Although I just thought that it would transfer from your old chap onto the chick’s working parts and you’d be frantically thrusting away for days on end without any benefit to either party.
 

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