Girlfriend

#1
My girlfriend climbed on my lap, facing me on the sofa last night.

"Is that a bone I feel?" she winked.

"Yeah," I replied. "It's the one that's just snapped in my leg, you fat cunt!"
 
#2
I must learn to check who the OP is on these 'joke' threads so I don't pollute my brain with any more shite from this guy.
 
#9
I used to go out with a girl who used to punch me every time she had an orgasm. I didn't mind to much until I found out she was faking them.
 
#10
She's so fucking fat that it doesn't matter where you sit, she's still next to you.
 

phil245

LE
Book Reviewer
#11
how do you fcuk a fat girl?
roll her in flour and aim for the wet spot.
 
#13
Your girlfriend's so big, she's got a glass eye with a fish swimming in it.
 
#14
Your wife's so massive, she's got smaller fat women orbiting her.
 
#15
Just been to the doc and showed him my badly bruised cock, then explained I did it in a surfing accident, "Banged it on your board"? he asked, "Nope, the girlfriend walked into the bedroom and I had to slam my laptop quickly".
 
#16
Blokes wife walked into the room and said to him "Do you think I have a big bottom?"

He said "Well it is a small room."
 
#18
Wife tell hubby that she is having a breast implant to make them a lot bigger. He tells her to save money and try it a different way first.. gives her a few sheets of toilet roll and tells her to rub it up and down between her tits. She says "Will it work?"

He says "Should do, it worked on your arse."
 
#19
My wife and I had a raging arguement about her going to a cosmetic clinic for breast reduction, I lost and it cost me a fortune,
But on the upside I have to admit she does look more normal with just two of them.
 
#20
Wife lifts up her skirt showing crotchless knickers and says "Supersex."

"Erm, I'll have the soup please."
 

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