Girlfriend Joining Army - Rear party

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by Digweed1210, Jul 23, 2013.

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  1. Eyup guys

    My girlfriend is joining up with the armed forces very soon (possibly starts basic in sep) and its all happening a bit quick for my liking and have a ton of stuff I want to find out about, not all that happy about it at moment and heads all over shop but want to be as supportive as possible at moment I can only see the negatives (time apart for long periods/possibility of her getting hurt) and how much its going to change and put a strain on our relationship so wan't to get a bit more clued up as to what to expect etc and get my napper round it all asap seeing as its all happening so quickly.

    anyway I wanted to ask a few things on rear party but it wont let me join up just keeps saying the secret question answer is wrong (which it isn't) so wondered what is going off with that if anyone is on there ?

    There don't seem to be much info in general for blokes with Girlfriends/wives in the military, and I kind of wish I hadn't googled ''My girlfriend is joining the army''
    I know a few lads serving as well and those ******* ain't exactly helped with their ''stories'' of women in the army when I asked them how they are generally treated by others

    we are both early 30's been together just under 5 years and I will be asking her to marry me very soon (I had already planned on doing so anyway not just because she is joining up)

  2. May I ask what regiment she is joining only I am a Training Corporal at a Phase 1 establishment?

    You have probably heard lots of rubbish from mainly idiots about what army life is like but let me assure you this is 2013 and the Army has changed(for the better) out of all recognition to even a few years ago.

    I wish her good luck in her career and I wouldn't think you have anything to worry about either.
    • Like Like x 1
  3. I have nothing to add but wish to subscribe to the thread. Good luck.
    • Like Like x 2
  4. Some real original banter in here guys seen and heard it all already, jesus christ, I take it they don't use the slogan ''be the best'' anymore ?

    I think the only ones missing are ''does she take it up the wrong un'' and '' she's gonna get a train ran on her'' etc blah blah

    I'll get with the banter soon enough I'm a big boy, I posted on ''the other half forum'' as thought there might be less twatty replies, just getting my head round all this stuff and wanted some genuine advice on what to expect in general
    you make it sound like every woman who joins up is or turns into a slut!

    Instead of snide comments I'd like some pointers on what to expect and how people get on with this being away for a long time shit and all the other crap, This ain't some piece of meat, this is the woman I love and plan to marry, so if you are just going to chat shit kindly go **** yersen and grow the **** up


    ps thanks to those of you who gave genuine replies
  5. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    In lieu of a forum MOD I'll poke my nose in.

    You'll always have the banter to deal with so you might as well get used to it, but you appear to have a thick enough skin to deal with it.
    The only references I have are for couples 10 years younger, and are probably not applicable. Suffice to say it is not, and never has been, easy to maintain a relationship when one partner joins up and gains a new perspective on the world and long periods of separation are the norm.
    That said, you have the benefit of comparative maturity.
    It will depend on what she joins as, which unit she goes to, where she goes with that unit, how long she stays in/how career minded she is, and a dozen other things.
    See how it goes, and wait with the marriage until the dust settles in a year or so.

    That's my charity post of the year done.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Simples. You'll [still] be civvy scum, she'll be in the club and welcome to post here.

    On a more serious note, got a job? Willing to give it up and follow her when she is posted? Especially so if posted abroad? Nope, you can't join the Wives Club, because you are not a wife. Not many "husbands of", so prepared to be lonely - no one will appreciate a bloke dropping round for a coffee...

    Either that, or be prepared for long periods of separation; if she is posted in the UK, you might get to see her most weekends (finances for travel permitting) - of course Friday nights will d-r-a-g with rush hour traffic. She will work the odd weekend, or a part thereof. And she might not seem too put out by this, as she will have new friends in-unit to go out with on the part of the weekend she has free. Course, you could go to her... but be prepared to be the very odd man out!

    You are not going to see a lot of her for the first 14 weeks; two weekends and Pass-Off. Be prepared for her to sleep most of the first weekend. And then talk about nothing but what she has done. You might not like this too much. She might also find your life a tad, um, boring. Or maybe not, depends on the individual and how she handles Basic. It isn't exciting, its simply very, very different! There is little exciting about being very tired, very knackered, and being shouted at.

    Will she get hit on? Probably, once she gets to a unit. Get used to it. Do you like that? Nope, not a bit. Don't blame you. Work out how you are going to cope with this, because separation is a bitch. In Germany, back in the mid-80's, I phoned my gf once a week, for 10-15mins. And we wrote letters. And all was fine. You have grown up with mobiles, IM, sms, Skype, social media, etc; I actually think separation is harder these days. So think of coping strategies; you need a life, too. She will be in a block with mates, or over the Naafi bar or whatever.... what are you going to do once you've called each other (as in Skype, gtalk, msn, facebook, etc)? When will you 'call'? Neither of you wants to be sat about moping. Maybe best if you both agree to go out same nights, ie Thursday, so one of you isn't sat in wondering what the other is doing.

    Good luck.... strong relationship will survive. Unless the baby is due next June/July.... ;-)
    • Like Like x 10
  7. Bad CO

    Bad CO LE Admin Reviews Editor Gallery Guru

    Serious responses only please
  8. A long, long time ago, I was told by a wise woman to never give a squaddie partner an "it's me or the Army" threat. It is quite possibly the best piece of advice I have ever heard about a relationship with a soldier, male or female. At best, they will pick the Army over you. At worst, they will pick you... and grow to resent every minute they spend with you because you created a life time of "what if"'s.
    • Like Like x 14
  9. TheresaMay

    TheresaMay LE Moderator DirtyBAT

    What to expect? Even after 22 years I couldn't honestly answer that - aside from the fact that we are bound by the 'MS Principle' which states "...the needs of the Army must come first" and goes on to say that family comes a close second. In other words it may seem like she'll be putting the Army first. It's true - try not to take it personally. If your relationship is strong you'll be fine.

    On the positive side, she'll be entitled to Service Families Accom when you're wed, which has drastically improved over the years and rivals most modern housing at a fraction of the cost - so take that as a big bonus.

    You'll also have the benefit of a varied life as you'll tend to move around a bit. I dread the thought of leaving and getting stuck doing the same thing day in, day out with no new posting on the horizon. And her time spent away will be welcome 'blokey-time' to get the lads round, fire up the XBox, crack open a few beers, watch porn without getting caught etc.

    In other words, it has as many, if not more advantages than disadvantages. With financial security too, you can invest in a house early on while you're moving about living on the cheap, you can rent it out and get someone else to pay it off so you'll have somewhere to live when she's done too.

    Good luck and stay positive.

    • Like Like x 1
  10. Gonzo33

    Gonzo33 Old-Salt Book Reviewer

    From the wife/husbands point of view there are times when it is tough, but there are great times too.

    My old man (he doesn't have long left now) has been away more than he has been home our entire married life, and I moved with him!

    Keeping a job is hard, but if you can adapt there will always be work, and not just in the Naafi.

    Good luck with it anyway.

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2
  11. Thanks you guys who took the time to give genuine and honest replies, sorry if I came across a bit arsey with the banter stuff, its just a lot to take in at moment and she is not just some bird, we have been through a lot last 5 years and I want to make this work if she is intent on it, believe me I would probably be off like a shot if not because its a big deal and a big ask, however she is worth it! I just don't want to go into all this blind like some lost puppy I am 34 so not got the years to waste and i've been around long enough to know to do my homework on any life changing decisions etc.

    If anyone knows how the hell to register on rear party let me know the secret question stuff is doing my head in, I swear new years day was on the 1st last time I checked

    cheers again and best of luck to all of you serving..... even the piss takers ;)
  12. Bad CO

    Bad CO LE Admin Reviews Editor Gallery Guru

    I've just changed the human verification question on rear party so you should be able to register now. Drop me a PM on here if you have any more problems
  13. It's hard for anyone to understand in civvy street, but the armed forces (and Police service and Prison service) to a degree, are institutions. Anyone joining will become institionlised. They will flock to their own, and discuss things in their own sense of humour, that a civilian can't appreciate, because they do not do that job.

    I wish you the best of luck, but you need to be aware that your girlfriend will change to a great degree, and may no longer be the person that you fell in love with.

    I hope it works out for you. Have you thought about the TA? It may help bridge the gap in understanding what she is going through/does?
    • Like Like x 4
  14. Schaden

    Schaden LE Book Reviewer

    In our experience - and I think I speak for the entire group here - most of them were sluts before joining up.

    FORMER_FYRDMAN LE Book Reviewer

    Women in happy relationships tend not to choose to spend less time with their partner, particularly when they're in their thirties. I suspect that your relationship is in bits and I also suspect that you probably know that already. In your shoes, I wouldn't make any long term plans together and certainly don't get engaged - it won't hold the relationship together and it'll only cause more problems and complications.

    If you really think you can make it work, just let things take their course without trying to force the issue but, in my view, the odds are stacked against you and, if this is really what she wants, I'd part amicably and save time. The Army's an all-enveloping new world and people tend to leave their old life, and relationships, behind when they join it, even if that was never the intention - it's not malicious, it's just the nature of the beast. I expect that most of the ex-Forces on this site have lost at least one relationship because they joined up or were serving.

    I wish you well but I think you're clinging to a forlorn hope and you'll both be happier if you recognise this and act on it.
    • Like Like x 4