Ok I have been looking at Arrse for some time now as I am considering joining the army. I have not been to the AFCO yet as I am a little anxious that they will refuse me outright even though I think I would be a useful asset to any combat unit. So why am I so anxious? Well, when my mother was pregnant with me 20 years ago she was working at a Rhinoceros sanctuary in Namibia. One evening whilst giving comfort to a young abandoned calf, there was a terrible storm and she and the calf were hit by a thunderbolt which scientists believed contained unusual cosmic radiation. This caused the foetus, or rather me, to genetically mutate and I was born with 50% Rhinoceros DNA. As I grew I developed many features of a Rhinoceros and, being mocked mercilessly at school, was hidden away in a secret location in Croydon. I now live in a shadowy world surviving by grazing late at night and working as a part time crime fighter. I would now like to contribute full time in the war against terrorism and think that I would be a perfect soldier for Special Forces ops. I am fairly large at around 280kg but can move quickly over short distances and, whilst my sight is quite poor, I have a very acute sense of hearing and smell. I am of course fully armoured so no need for expensive body armour and always charge with âbayonet fixedâ. I can easily blend into any environment and am able to survive for long periods grazing on nothing more than grass. But I am also human and able to think and, being a girl, have all the normal emotions of a female. Please do not think this is what you call a âWahâ and please give me some honest advice. I am at the end of my tether here â¦ although to be fair I am quite well behaved off the leash as well.