Girl needing advice.

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by RhinoGirl, Oct 17, 2008.

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  1. Ok I have been looking at Arrse for some time now as I am considering joining the army. I have not been to the AFCO yet as I am a little anxious that they will refuse me outright even though I think I would be a useful asset to any combat unit. So why am I so anxious?

    Well, when my mother was pregnant with me 20 years ago she was working at a Rhinoceros sanctuary in Namibia. One evening whilst giving comfort to a young abandoned calf, there was a terrible storm and she and the calf were hit by a thunderbolt which scientists believed contained unusual cosmic radiation. This caused the foetus, or rather me, to genetically mutate and I was born with 50% Rhinoceros DNA. As I grew I developed many features of a Rhinoceros and, being mocked mercilessly at school, was hidden away in a secret location in Croydon. I now live in a shadowy world surviving by grazing late at night and working as a part time crime fighter.

    I would now like to contribute full time in the war against terrorism and think that I would be a perfect soldier for Special Forces ops. I am fairly large at around 280kg but can move quickly over short distances and, whilst my sight is quite poor, I have a very acute sense of hearing and smell. I am of course fully armoured so no need for expensive body armour and always charge with ‘bayonet fixed’. I can easily blend into any environment and am able to survive for long periods grazing on nothing more than grass. But I am also human and able to think and, being a girl, have all the normal emotions of a female.

    Please do not think this is what you call a ‘Wah’ and please give me some honest advice. I am at the end of my tether here … although to be fair I am quite well behaved off the leash as well.
  2. Feck off big nose!
  3. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Good job she is thick skinned!
  4. Are you horny? :wink:
  5. Stop trying to poach my girl.
  6. Please ... enough of the jokes. I have heard them all before.

    But, yes, there are certain seasons when I am 'horny' but if you don't have a 3 foot long pencil thin penis you'd be no use to me.

    Be nice to me and give me some good advice.
  7. It is often said that there is aplace for everyone in this World. I think that someone lefta door unlocked to yours. Your grazing on 'grass', is this a euphemism for some form of prohibited pharmaceutical?

    If you have been reading ARRSE for some time you know that we need to few (candid) pics to help us.
  8. Thats me sorted then! :wink:
  9. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    You would probably fit in nicely in the loggies, although your physical description would indicate an armoured unit.

    Incidentally, I have a 3 foot long, pencil-thin penis. The formaldehyde keeps it quite fresh.
  10. At 280Kg you wont stand out from many of the other females in the RLC

    The acute sense of smell might be a drawback though as most loggies have the personal admin skills of a turps nudger, and their singlies accomodation has often been compared to a gypsies caravan site, without the class.

    Why not put your crime fighting skills to good use and join the monkeys? I'm sure they'll have barracks dress in your size, and the short sight wont even be noticed as most monkeys are f ucking blind anyway.

    In short, the world is your ocean dwelling mollusc.... you go for it.
  11. The only prohibited pharmaceutical I have ever indulged in was contained in a dart fired by my father when I got a little stressed once.

    I may post a pic later, but I will abide by the rules and will not post a pic of my rhingina!
  12. Would rhino gash shot's be an ARRSE first?
  13. you are blondebint & i claim my shiny gold pound
  14. Go home and touch yourself up