As the festive season dims into but a distant memory, leaving scarred livers and dialysis to mark it's passing, I recommend to you all that wondrous invention..."Ginger Milk" or as it is perhaps better known down south...IRN-Bru It is not well know that IRN-Bru was originally developed, like LSD, as a cure for the common cold. A technician from Barr's labs noticed whilst riding his cycle home that he felt sentient, his runny eyes had cleared up and that he was able to fart without passing solid faecal matter. A little more research and the hangover was no longer a problem for Scottish, originally, and later international p1ssheads. The drink became a fixture in most Scottish drunks' wardrobes and no-one from the Procurator fiscal to the scaffie would leave home without a trusty bottle of Ginger Milk. Although much of the potent brew is now manufactured in Mansfield, it remains a true icon of Scottishness. No truly piss-arsed Scotsman will set out on the rerr terr wi'oot stashing some IRN-Bru in the rescue fridge, alongside a hair of the dog and some sliced sausage. I believe it was Oscar Wilde himself who said âI once tasted Irn-Bru. It was like having my eyes plucked right out of my head and I awoke several days later in the middle of a field, naked, with a traffic cone stuck up my arse.â He was quite correct. Gentlemen, it was Rabbie Burns - or possibly myself come to think of it - who once wrote "An ye go oot boozin' an the flat and wauk wi a mouth like an oold nun's twat, then drink ginger milk and e'er ye've spat, a mon's a mon for aa'that..." I give you, and the world, the finest dyspepsia and jagged bonnet-buster known tae man...IRN-Bru! (Made in Scotland and Nottinghamshire...fae girrrrders!) Perhaps somebody Irish could have a word about Red Lemonade?