You Know You're Getting Old When... Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals. You feel like you were out all night but haven't been anywhere. You get winded playing cards. Your little black book contains only names ending in MD. You join a health club and don't have the strength to go. A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge. You look forward to a dull evening. You need glasses to find your glasses. You get your hearing aid mixed up with the suppository. You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. Your knees buckle but your belt won't. Your back goes out more than you do. You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine chest. You sink your teeth in a steak and they stay there.