Getting lifted by the RMP

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by DMSDAVE, Apr 21, 2009.

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  1. Seeing the post about the Civpol , i was reminded about my experiences with the RMP , or Monkeys, as they were referred to. One pissed up friday night in Salisbury , as a few of us got on the last bus to Tidworth, i saw the MPs glaring at me at the bus station and stuck my fingers up , as you do when you're drunk :lol: As the bus went on it's way , a few miles later. i looked out of the back window and noticed a landrover behind our bus. eventually the bus stopped and we all got off, next thing we were challenged by this lot who had followed us from salisbury. You , yes you , one shouted , come here! We ignored them and carried on, next minute they pounced on us and singled me out. demanding to know my name and see my ID card. I told them my name was Donald Duck , whereupon he looked at my Id card and informed me that he was arresting me for" stating a falsehood" I was taken to our guard room and the gd comd was told to beast me because i was arrogant etc. as soon as they buggered off he said Well done off to your pit! Any similar stories out there or is it just the beer?
  2. Monkeys in the Shot a few years ago spent about four hours chasing two lads pissing about on the canal path on a mini moto wearing racing leathers and helmets. When they eventually apprehended the suspects they took them back to the Guardroom and insisted the Ord Sgt come down. When he got there they informed him they wanted the guys charged for not having their Mod 90's on them. Ord Sgt told them to poke it and away they went not looking to happy but secure in the knowledge that Aldershot was a safer place to live.
  3. RMP.
    More knobbers that good ones me thinks.
    Cheap plastic police.
  4. And I suppose if you did the same to CivPol thats also ok?

    Strange that on this site there is outrage about scrotes gobbing off at Police, Teachers authority etc with howls of hang em and flog em and "the state of society" but when it comes to the RMP its wails of how petty they are or "not fair"

    I think you will find that giving Civil Police the fingers wil also get you in trouble as will gobbing off, in many countries it will get you a few well deserved slaps. Its a shame it does not occur in the UK anymore, even more a shame that the RMP is not filled with a Waffen SS like zeal for excellence and duty...
  5. Have you experienced the RAF police/dog walkers!!!
  6. Don't you mean the "Barrier technicians"?

    I remember back in 7 Sigs @ Krefeld, we had this fucking_huge para-winged monkey sergeant (those who were there will remember him). First day in the unit parked up by the accomodation block, having just driven from the UK I was unloading my kit into the block. When this fucking_bear with an MP tabbard & red beret starts to inspect my car (toms not being allowed to park outside the block).

    RMP Sgt- Why is your fcuking car parked here?

    K_I- I'm unloading my gear sergeant.

    RMP Sgt-You are not supposed to park here, BFG docs shithead (pleasant bloke, see?).

    K_I- What does BFG mean sergeant? (New to Deutschland)

    RMP Sgt- [Explains the BFG system]

    K_I- Sorry haven't got them, only arrived late last night.

    The RMP sergeant then proceeds to continue inspecting my car.

    K_I- I'll leave you to it then sergeant.....

    RSM (S* S*****y) walking slowly past us watching with a puzzled look on his face (monkey hasn't seen him yet)

    RMP Sgt: You'll fcuking stand there you cnut.

    RSM has stopped walking, looking annoyed at this impromptu roadside entertainment.

    RMP Sgt: I can't believe I'm crawling around your shitty fcuking Clio, when I have better things to do.

    K_I- Sorry sergeant, I never asked you to.

    RMP Sgt: Are you being fcuking clever you little cnut.

    RSM- (clears his throat) What's going on here fellas?

    Fcuk thinks K_I, I'm dead (still a very junior soldier & terrified of the Rasman & monkeys).

    RMP Sgt- (looking shocked and no doubt wondering how long the RSM has been stood there) I'm just examining this car Sir and....

    RSM- Sergeant, it looks to me like you are abusing your powers. Now either help the lad, or fcuk off back to which ever hole you crawled out of.

    (RMP Sgt legs it, leaving me stood with the RSM)

    RSM- I'll give you a hand then.

    The RSM then spent quarter of an hour helping me unload my car. Then dragged me off to his office for a cup of coffee. An absolute quality bloke.
  7. Nice story you made up there!
  8. Nope Fallschirmjager, all true.

    It was very quite on camp at the time, what with a load of guys in the Falklands & Bosnia & Kosovo. Perhaps the RSM just wanted someone new to talk to?

    S* S*****y was also an SSM at Bassingbourn whilst I went through basic. So perhaps he recognised me.

    I have always led a charmed life, well until I got married anyway ;)
  9. I also vomited over the Provo Sgt's boots at 7 Sigs (they were on his feet at the time), but that's a story for another day!
  10. I'm all for castrating Military Police ......... that's coz I'm a nasty bastard
  11. Not a totally unrelated story, but it involves the RMP's special people, the "SIB" :) sorry makes me smile.

    Anyway, many moons ago in Munster, the CO, decided to have a day of change, and called an Op, Operation trading places.
    In which, all the top brass of the Bn, became the lowest brass of the Bn, and vice versa.

    The CO became the junior guradsman for the day, the junior guardsman became the CO for the day, that sort of thing.

    The RSM became a corporal of the guard, and along with the other top brass, carried out the Bn guard for 24 hours.
    He and one of the Drill blokes did the gate duty, which was about as exciting as watching paint dry, and hated it.

    Anyway, to the point, this car pulls up at the gate, the RSM goes over and asks for ID, the driver replies, we are SIB, we dont need to show ID, so the RSM reaches in and shows his RSM badge, which if anyone knows the guards, is rather an obvious badge of rank compared to many regts.

    And says to said SIB twonks, well if you want to come into my camp you feckin well do, now fook off, a phone call later and lots of apologies to the RSM, they return very sheepishly and ask for permission to enter the camp.
    Which was denied until after the operation, and all had returned to normal, needless to say, they never quibbled about showing ID again.
  12. I used to hate getting lifted by the RMP. Every f*cking weekend they'd be at it, parked up outside the bars we used to frequent, eyeing you up as you poured out the door. Mouthing off at you if you as much as looked at them the wrong way. Just looking for an excuse to lift you and frame you for whatever they couldn't solve that week. I wouldn't have minded so much but I was a WO in the f*cking SIB.
  13. Have to say boys, I'm just loving the tales. The one about the Clio and the RSM was original....sort of. Last time I heard that one it was a Ford Escort and the CO. Give it six months and some other dullard will pop up with the same load of tosh, but it'll be with a Fiat Punto and the Bde Commander. Tommy f*cking two sheds.

    Does anyone know the one about the RMP patrol being stripped by some off duty Herberts in a Garrison boozer? Amazed that little belter hasn't appeared yet. Last I heard that one, it happened in the 'shot with some PARAs. The time before that, it was in Herford with 7 Sigs. Time before, it was the Sin Bin in Med Hat with some Mick Guards.

    Do some of of you write to certain 'adult' magazines with tales of shagging strange but beautiful women on trains?

    Lads, you're nothing but a bunch of f*cking fantasists.
  14. Do some of of you write to certain 'adult' magazines with tales of shagging strange but beautiful women on trains?

    Oh, you've read some of my stuff have you, are you a fan?
  15. Bump, cause I want to see more 'war' stories. :wink: