'Get your pant's on....your nicked!'

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hector_Chavez_V, Jan 11, 2012.

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  1. I've been rightfully and suitably admonished by one of our resident coppers, Marco Poloroid, all bow to his powers of internet arrest!

    It is strange though that the majority of our resident bobby's get a bit upset at the slightest of things; To help Marco with his undoubtably low nicking count (I couldnt imagine a great big strapping real Police Officer bursting into tears on an army website at the mere insinuation that some wog cunt got knacked..)

    We should fess up to the shining beacon of law and order that is Marco Poloroid and seek internet absolution!! Ill start off..

    Marco, I'm,

    * Sorry about stealing a charity box from a lone Sea Cadet, I also stole his silly hat.
    * Sorry I hid a fleece covered in creosote once from a joiner mate who had worn it whilst he burgled a house who had stopped at mine on his way back.
    * Sorry I once used a stolen credit card to lounge it at the Raddison for 2 days watching Sky TV and ordering sandwiches and crisps.
    * Sorry I torched my first 3 cars at various areas in and around the New Forest (I get bored easily and love the smell of newer cars)

    (oh, and sorry for knacking that pair of sootys in Manchester)

    (Fess up you cunts!) :)
    It's a fair cop guv....
  2. whoooooooah! Just sign this bit of paper Hector, there's a good chap. You've just sorted my detections for the year! You've only just gone and sorted my CTRP*

    *Competency Related Threshold Payment.

    Or maybe not. They've just taken it off us.
  3. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Apart from dealing a reasonable amount of herb as a teenager, shooting a kid with an air pistol, breaking into a care home while bladdered to 'see where the mongs live' and the time me and pyro Dave torched a car, all my crime has been abroad and therefore doesn't count because it's technically for queen and country.

    Edited to add: I suppose if one was being picky, you could add statutory rape to my list. I shagged a 15 year old once but she looked much older. How was I to know?
  4. Perhaps you'd also like to share with us why you changed the title of the thread? Just wondering, like.
  5. oooh still the copper eh? it sounded funnier, I think it was once said in an episode of the Sweeney, why? can I be bounced for that ? :)
  6. I think you'll find the correct phrase is
    'Get your trousers on, you're nicked son!'
    Shortly afterwards Marco Poloroid's oppo should hold him back saying
    'Leave it guv, it's not worth it!'

    Of course this only works if they both smoke No 6, and have a bottle of scotch in the left hand desk draw.

    For myself, I have led a blameless life, except when I got caught, so you already know about those, the rest are my little secrets.
  7. Sold weed while at school, punched a lesbian outside a pub, punched ex-Forest footballer Steve Stone in the queue outside Ritzys, threatened my neighbour with a rusty old bayonet while twated on vodka, vandalised another neighbours car and threw a mark 8 flashbang into a parked car full of chavs.

    Can I beat pakis up for their snout while I'm banged up?
  8. No. I don't think the law caters for unfunny dullards boasting about incidents that never happened. You can have a ticket for wasting police time though.
    Tell you what, tomorrow night, log off the laptop (clearing all your cookies of course), dust down your VHS boxset of The Sweeney, and reminisce about the time you applied for the police, but got knocked back because you couldn't rite or spel.

    Get your pant's on...your nicked. Er, no. Get your pants on, you're nicked. See the difference?
    If not , feel free to pm me. I will break it down into simple, easy to remember constituent parts.

  9. Christ, I bet your a laugh a minute on the piss.

    Pointing out spelling and grammar errors really is the last defence for an utter wet trump.
  10. See what I did there?
  11. No. Please explain it to me in simple terms, preferably with drawings. It needs to be easy to understand.
  12. You stand around with your hands tucked into your stab vest don't you?
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Hector... I don't know how to break this to you gently, but:

    I think you may be a bit of a pikey.
    • Like Like x 2
  14. I didnt really rob that taxi on Thorney, I was just trying to impress bods on here. I also did nt stove that OAPs head in in Emsworth in 88 whilst he fought for his life in the fight for the contents of the RBL clack cupboard.
    I was never featured on Crimewatchers for stealing cars in Southampton airport in the late 80 s.
    Any Guard commander who claims that I threw an aquarium pump into a 50,000 litre POL truck and filled 50 jerries before the guard turned up is also a liar.

    Just saying like. No I m not, i wish to cleanse my soul, I repent, Western, Marco Paranoid, please arrest me
    • Like Like x 1
  15. You forgot to mention the '75 plate Granada and the wearing of Solatio shoes, "Gor blimey strike a light, apples and pear's" etc etc