'Get your pant's on....your nicked!'

#1
I've been rightfully and suitably admonished by one of our resident coppers, Marco Poloroid, all bow to his powers of internet arrest!

It is strange though that the majority of our resident bobby's get a bit upset at the slightest of things; To help Marco with his undoubtably low nicking count (I couldnt imagine a great big strapping real Police Officer bursting into tears on an army website at the mere insinuation that some wog cunt got knacked..)

We should fess up to the shining beacon of law and order that is Marco Poloroid and seek internet absolution!! Ill start off..

Marco, I'm,

* Sorry about stealing a charity box from a lone Sea Cadet, I also stole his silly hat.
* Sorry I hid a fleece covered in creosote once from a joiner mate who had worn it whilst he burgled a house who had stopped at mine on his way back.
* Sorry I once used a stolen credit card to lounge it at the Raddison for 2 days watching Sky TV and ordering sandwiches and crisps.
* Sorry I torched my first 3 cars at various areas in and around the New Forest (I get bored easily and love the smell of newer cars)

(oh, and sorry for knacking that pair of sootys in Manchester)


(Fess up you cunts!) :)
It's a fair cop guv....
 
#2
whoooooooah! Just sign this bit of paper Hector, there's a good chap. You've just sorted my detections for the year! You've only just gone and sorted my CTRP*


*Competency Related Threshold Payment.


Or maybe not. They've just taken it off us.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#3
Apart from dealing a reasonable amount of herb as a teenager, shooting a kid with an air pistol, breaking into a care home while bladdered to 'see where the mongs live' and the time me and pyro Dave torched a car, all my crime has been abroad and therefore doesn't count because it's technically for queen and country.

Edited to add: I suppose if one was being picky, you could add statutory rape to my list. I shagged a 15 year old once but she looked much older. How was I to know?
 
#4
I've been rightfully and suitably admonished by one of our resident coppers, Marco Poloroid, all bow to his powers of internet arrest!

It is strange though that the majority of our resident bobby's get a bit upset at the slightest of things; To help Marco with his undoubtably low nicking count (I couldnt imagine a great big strapping real Police Officer bursting into tears on an army website at the mere insinuation that some wog cunt got knacked..)



We should fess up to the shining beacon of law and order that is Marco Poloroid and seek internet absolution!! Ill start off..

Marco, I'm,

* Sorry about stealing a charity box from a lone Sea Cadet, I also stole his silly hat.
* Sorry I hid a fleece covered in creosote once from a joiner mate who had worn it whilst he burgled a house who had stopped at mine on his way back.
* Sorry I once used a stolen credit card to lounge it at the Raddison for 2 days watching Sky TV and ordering sandwiches and crisps.
* Sorry I torched my first 3 cars at various areas in and around the New Forest (I get bored easily and love the smell of newer cars)

(oh, and sorry for knacking that pair of sootys in Manchester)


(Fess up you cunts!) :)
It's a fair cop guv....
Perhaps you'd also like to share with us why you changed the title of the thread? Just wondering, like.
 
#6
I think you'll find the correct phrase is
'Get your trousers on, you're nicked son!'
Shortly afterwards Marco Poloroid's oppo should hold him back saying
'Leave it guv, it's not worth it!'

Of course this only works if they both smoke No 6, and have a bottle of scotch in the left hand desk draw.

For myself, I have led a blameless life, except when I got caught, so you already know about those, the rest are my little secrets.
 
#7
Sold weed while at school, punched a lesbian outside a pub, punched ex-Forest footballer Steve Stone in the queue outside Ritzys, threatened my neighbour with a rusty old bayonet while twated on vodka, vandalised another neighbours car and threw a mark 8 flashbang into a parked car full of chavs.

Can I beat pakis up for their snout while I'm banged up?
 
#8
No. I don't think the law caters for unfunny dullards boasting about incidents that never happened. You can have a ticket for wasting police time though.
Tell you what, tomorrow night, log off the laptop (clearing all your cookies of course), dust down your VHS boxset of The Sweeney, and reminisce about the time you applied for the police, but got knocked back because you couldn't rite or spel.

Get your pant's on...your nicked. Er, no. Get your pants on, you're nicked. See the difference?
If not , feel free to pm me. I will break it down into simple, easy to remember constituent parts.

Marco
 
#9
No. I don't think the law caters for unfunny dullards boasting about incidents that never happened. You can have a ticket for wasting police time though.
Tell you what, tomorrow night, log off the laptop (clearing all your cookies of course), dust down your VHS boxset of The Sweeney, and reminisce about the time you applied for the police, but got knocked back because you couldn't rite or spel.

Get your pant's on...your nicked. Er, no. Get your pants on, you're nicked. See the difference?
If not , feel free to pm me. I will break it down into simple, easy to remember constituent parts.

Marco
Christ, I bet your a laugh a minute on the piss.

Pointing out spelling and grammar errors really is the last defence for an utter wet trump.
 
#11
#12
#13
I've been rightfully and suitably admonished by one of our resident coppers, Marco Poloroid, all bow to his powers of internet arrest!

It is strange though that the majority of our resident bobby's get a bit upset at the slightest of things; To help Marco with his undoubtably low nicking count (I couldnt imagine a great big strapping real Police Officer bursting into tears on an army website at the mere insinuation that some wog cunt got knacked..)

We should fess up to the shining beacon of law and order that is Marco Poloroid and seek internet absolution!! Ill start off..

Marco, I'm,

* Sorry about stealing a charity box from a lone Sea Cadet, I also stole his silly hat.
* Sorry I hid a fleece covered in creosote once from a joiner mate who had worn it whilst he burgled a house who had stopped at mine on his way back.
* Sorry I once used a stolen credit card to lounge it at the Raddison for 2 days watching Sky TV and ordering sandwiches and crisps.
* Sorry I torched my first 3 cars at various areas in and around the New Forest (I get bored easily and love the smell of newer cars)

(oh, and sorry for knacking that pair of sootys in Manchester)


(Fess up you cunts!) :)
It's a fair cop guv....
Hector... I don't know how to break this to you gently, but:


I think you may be a bit of a pikey.
 
A

Aleegee1698

Guest
#14
I didnt really rob that taxi on Thorney, I was just trying to impress bods on here. I also did nt stove that OAPs head in in Emsworth in 88 whilst he fought for his life in the fight for the contents of the RBL clack cupboard.
I was never featured on Crimewatchers for stealing cars in Southampton airport in the late 80 s.
Any Guard commander who claims that I threw an aquarium pump into a 50,000 litre POL truck and filled 50 jerries before the guard turned up is also a liar.

Just saying like. No I m not, i wish to cleanse my soul, I repent, Western, Marco Paranoid, please arrest me
 
#15
I think you'll find the correct phrase is
'Get your trousers on, you're nicked son!'
Shortly afterwards Marco Poloroid's oppo should hold him back saying
'Leave it guv, it's not worth it!'

Of course this only works if they both smoke No 6, and have a bottle of scotch in the left hand desk draw.

For myself, I have led a blameless life, except when I got caught, so you already know about those, the rest are my little secrets.
You forgot to mention the '75 plate Granada and the wearing of Solatio shoes, "Gor blimey strike a light, apples and pear's" etc etc
 
#16
I think you'll find the correct phrase is
'Get your trousers on, you're nicked son!'
Shortly afterwards Marco Poloroid's oppo should hold him back saying
'Leave it guv, it's not worth it!'

Of course this only works if they both smoke No 6, and have a bottle of scotch in the left hand desk draw.

For myself, I have led a blameless life, except when I got caught, so you already know about those, the rest are my little secrets.
You forgot to mention the '75 plate Granada and the wearing of Solatio shoes, "Gor blimey strike a light, apples and pear's" etc etc
 
#17
and reminisce about the time you applied for the police, but got knocked back because you couldn't rite or spel.
I thought people only did that when there were no decent paying jobs around after failing everything else in civvy strasse when leaving Her Majestys comfort blanket?

Whats up mate, you were tantrumming like a big wet pair of beige tights last night?
 
#19
I thought people only did that when there were no decent paying jobs around after failing everything else in civvy strasse when leaving Her Majestys comfort blanket?

Whats up mate, you were tantrumming like a big wet pair of beige tights last night?
Maybe his bid for the for the olympic games overtime jamboree has been turned down
 
#20
Well if we're all airing our dirty laundry in public, including our skid marked pants, I'd like to ask forgiveness for:

* Attempting to burn my old school down during the summer holidays. Bloody caretaker spotted it before the fire took hold.
* Various petty thefts as a youth. Generally a touch of shop lifting.
* A few illegal shootings of vermin on land where I shouldn't have been. Even interviewed by police over that twice.
* Running my car without tax for a few months.
* Escaping from a maximum security military prison, and now living in the L.A. underground as a soldier of fortune with 3 of my mates.
* Fiddling my work car mileage
* Robbing a street walker of her fags and purse in Prague as she feasted on my mighty manhood and fingered my sewage outlet valve.
* A bit of fly tipping of empty butane or propane bottles (I can't remember which)
* Purposely running my shitty mobile phone over with a fork lift so I could claim for a new one on the insurance.

Possibly a few others that slip my mind. Mostly minor petty things done in my youth.

P.S. Marco, this is the internet. Not everything you read is true. Some of the above may be fibs.
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top