Get your Funny on, think you can do better?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Signallers, Feb 2, 2013.

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  1. Signallers

    Signallers Book Reviewer

    Walking my dog through the grave yard when i saw a fine looking chap near a grave stone, without being rude i acknowledged him ,

    Me: 'Mourning',

    Chap 'no im fucking sleeping'!
  2. Go on then, I'll bite.
    2 birds sat on a Perch, one says "can you smell fish?".
    • Like Like x 1
  3. Two nuns taking a bath together. One said "where's the soap?"

    The other one said "Yes, doesn't it!"
  4. What's got 3 legs and lives on a farm?
    The McCartneys.....

    Oh bollocks, she divorced him so that's fucked that one.
    • Like Like x 1
  5. What's dead and sounds like a bell?

    "Bing" Crosby.

    This is the old joke home isn't it?
  6. Shit jokes, is it?

  7. 2 cows in a field, one says to the other " hey daisy seen that new bull over there, he's nice."
    "yes he is, do you think he will charge us."
    "Hope not daisy iv'e got no money.

    ok i'm off TAXIIII!!!!

    Bull thinks " shit talking cow's"

    oooopppss sorry ok i'm going !!!
  8. A little girl found a small green figure, sitting on a toadstool, head in its hands, in a glade in a forest.

    She said 'are you a goblin'?

    The small green figure said 'no, I've just got a splitting headache'.
  9. Guy walks into a pet shop, the bloke behind the counter says "can I help you?"

    Guy says "I'd like a wasp please"

    Bloke says "we don't sell wasps"

    Guy says "well you've got one in the window"

  10. Two cows in a field. One says to the other "what do you think about all this BSE, then?"

    The other cow replies, "it doesn't affect me I'm a helicopter.
  11. Glad to see your ok mate.

    Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
  12. Whats the difference between Paula Radcliff and Adolph Hitler? Hitler tried to finish a race
    • Like Like x 2
  13. Old Lady to her deaf friend "you'll like the new vicar, he has a loud voice"

    "Eh what speak up"

    "New vicar shouts a lot"

    " Eh what, I'm deaf you know"

    "New vicar, bawls like a bull"

    "Oh has he"
  14. Two Glesca neds. One has new trainers but the laces of the right shoe is undone.
    Hey whits with the laces
    S'instructions oan the bottom.