Get your Funny on, think you can do better?


Book Reviewer
Walking my dog through the grave yard when i saw a fine looking chap near a grave stone, without being rude i acknowledged him ,

Me: 'Mourning',

Chap 'no im fucking sleeping'!
Two nuns taking a bath together. One said "where's the soap?"

The other one said "Yes, doesn't it!"
What's dead and sounds like a bell?

"Bing" Crosby.

This is the old joke home isn't it?
2 cows in a field, one says to the other " hey daisy seen that new bull over there, he's nice."
"yes he is, do you think he will charge us."
"Hope not daisy iv'e got no money.

ok i'm off TAXIIII!!!!

Bull thinks " shit talking cow's"

oooopppss sorry ok i'm going !!!
A little girl found a small green figure, sitting on a toadstool, head in its hands, in a glade in a forest.

She said 'are you a goblin'?

The small green figure said 'no, I've just got a splitting headache'.
Guy walks into a pet shop, the bloke behind the counter says "can I help you?"

Guy says "I'd like a wasp please"

Bloke says "we don't sell wasps"

Guy says "well you've got one in the window"

Two cows in a field. One says to the other "what do you think about all this BSE, then?"

The other cow replies, "it doesn't affect me I'm a helicopter.
Old Lady to her deaf friend "you'll like the new vicar, he has a loud voice"

"Eh what speak up"

"New vicar shouts a lot"

" Eh what, I'm deaf you know"

"New vicar, bawls like a bull"

"Oh has he"
Two Glesca neds. One has new trainers but the laces of the right shoe is undone.
Hey whits with the laces
S'instructions oan the bottom.
A Swede walks into a chemist......."Can I buy some deodrant please"?
"Certainly, sir, ball or aerosol"?
"Neither it's for my armpits".

What's red and sits in the corner?

A naughty bus.
My Missus has asked for something silky this Valentines.

No doubt this emulsion is the wrong fucking colour.

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