Get your feet in my in tray

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Stonk Rigid, Mar 20, 2003.

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  1. Get your feet in my in-tray

    Jargon, clichés, acronyms, management-speak - the military are often the worst offenders. During a recent multi-national exercise some of the British Army contingent, aware of the puzzled looks on foreign faces during English-language I briefings, had fun with this spoof pep-talk

    I think we need to hit the ground running, keep our eye on the ball, and make sure that we are singing off the same song-sheet. At the end of the day it is not a level playing field and the goalposts may move; if they do, someone may have to pick it up and run with it. We therefore must have a golf bag of options hot-to-trot from the word "go". It is your train set but we cannot afford to leave it on the back burner; we've I got a lot of irons in the fire right now.
    We will need to un-stick a few potential poo traps but it all depends on the flash-to-bang time and fudge factor allowed. Things may end up slipping to the left and, if they do, we will need to run a tight ship. I don't want to reinvent the wheel but we must get right into the weeds on this one. If push comes to shove, we may have to up-stumps and then we'll be in a whole new ball game.
    I suggest we test the water with a few warmers in the bank. If we can produce the goods then we are cooking with gas. If not, then we are in a world of hurt. I don't want to die in a ditch over it but we could easily end up in a flat spin if people start getting twitchy.
    To that end, I want to get around the bazaars and make sure the movers and shakers are on side from day one. If you can hit me with your shopping list I can take it to the head honchos and start the ball rolling. I know you're not the sharpest tool in the box and may be a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but together we'll be the best thing since sliced bread.
    There is light at the end of the tunnel and I think we have backed a winner here. If it gets blown out of the water, however, I will be throwing a track. So get your feet into my in-tray and give me chapter and verse as to how you see things panning out. As long as our ducks are in a row I think the ball will stay in play and we can come up smelling of roses.
    Before you bomb-burst and throw smoke it is imperative we nail our colours to the mast and look at the big picture. We've got to march to the beat of the drum. We are on a sticky wicket, we'll need to play with a straight bat and watch out for fastballs.
    I've been on permanent send for long enough and I've had my ten pence worth. I don't want to rock the boat or teach anyone to suck eggs. We must keep this firmly in our sight picture and not under our hats or it will fall between the cracks. If the cap fits, wear it, but it may seem like pushing fog uphill with a sharp stick.

    Did you all get that?

    SOLDIER February 2003
     
  2. Didn't see "touch base" in there........
     
  3. Blimey - that's me sold 110%.   Just say it twice and I'll do it... whatever it is.
     
  4. Don't worry - you'll get it out in Theatre.
     
  5. Stonk

    fully agree but once we have crossreferred those comments against the decision support matrix, we will gain traction and be able to get inside their decision cycle.

    In this litiguous climate, our clear intent must be to produce an overarching strategy to achieve a balenced scorecard, obtain buy-in and inform the STP process.

    This gives us clear deliverables......

    5h1t : I missed out tranche!
     
  6. absolutely, the balls in your court gents, my tea's a salad, and the wifes fukcing ugly
     
  7. Scary !!! been out since 1994 and still understand everything that was equired of me from the above briefing.
     
  8. Stonk Rigid, fantastic, just put your tracer down and i'll be out the door faster than a famine victim with a meal ticket. Out