Come on then, when you were a Pte/Sig/Gnr/Fus etc, what did you get locked up for? Why did you end up in front of the guardroom at 22:00 showing 'blow up doll removed from bed'?

I got locked up every morning for two weeks, for losing an eyebrow. :x Then got banged in front of the guardroom showing 'eyebrow regrown'. :roll: Wasn't all bad, as I turned into the fittest bloke in BFG thanks to my daily workout. :)
That's where you went wrong, should have been the other way round


14 days nick for fighting - 3 days before passing off in Juniors - doh!
I had show c*ck at gd room on crew comd course for having a pee in the woods, didnt go to gd room and regretted it as ack adj was on

I got fined £200 by the CO in 83 after being savagley attacked by some spics, CO didnt believe me, what an injustice :lol:

2 extras for being late

7 days ROPs for being late for 1st extra 8O


Glancing sideways at the guardroom while marching to the
cookhouse at scofftime.


If I rememeber rightly it was the usual polishing the celing with
the old hand held wax bumpers and holding two fire extinguishers
over the COs best boots in a stress position!

I was the first one to get a guardroom 'beasting' in the platoon
and the NCO made them wait to see what state I would be in.
I just saw the look of horror on their faces!

I was always getting sent away for a beasting, usually over drill! :D

See I told you it would be a crap story :D I'll get me coat!


Kit Reviewer
Spanish_Dave said:
I had show c*ck at gd room on crew comd course for having a pee in the woods, didnt go to gd room and regretted it as ack adj was on


Sounds like the Spanish Foreign Legion in the 70's.
Did you have to back into the OC's office ?
30 days in the Corrective Custody Unit for calling my SgtMaj by his first name. Said tour extended for trying to escape.


Those were the days.


A whole long weekend shovelling sh1t in the stables for bad phone technique.

The BSM (Battery Sergeant Major for you non-dropshort orientated peeps) rang, asked for one of the seniors. I handed the reciever over, saying "Its for you. Its the Bed Side Mat".

I didnt cup my hand over the reciever properly.

I swear I could hear his head explode even though his office was 400 metres away!


7 days chokey for signing "Alfred E. Neumann" in my paybook instead of my real name.

Pay Sergeants, ya gorra love 'em!



War Hero
28 days in the slammer for.. "offering violence to my troop oc" It turned out ok tho as it was the 4afa nick in Kingsley barracks, Minden, run by medics, could have had a nice time in the RGJ nick down the road so I still thank my lucky stars.. Funny thing tho, my troop oc was posted out to 200 sigs as punishment and being a wimp, turned out he became my brothers troop oc, he didnt thank me for it LOL


Seven days.Sleeping on Site-Guard, Hahndorf, Munster. L***ny L***ox was pissing himself when I got caught, Ha Fecking Ha, he got caught next time around. Lovely week with Jubes in the G/Room in Imphal Bks, Osnabruck. That´s when I learned to smoke.
Then me and Andy H*y, got knobbed for some prank or another, we decided we are going down together or not at all......
Say´s SSM, ( who actually liked us) after a good rifting,
"Will you accept my punishment Tpr H*y?"
" No, sir I will not!"
"OK, CO´s orders!"
"Tpr Cl*****d will you accept my punishment?"
" Yes, certainly , sir!" "
" 3 days RP´s"
Tpr H*y gets stiffed a week in pokey, man was he pissed off at me. But we got bladdered when he got out.
Great days!! :lol:


I know of an incident at RMAS where an Officer was giving a lecture in a big lecture hall. Some of the Officer Cadets were quite tired. Some of them may have even dozed off...

The lecturer mentioned to the Sergeant Major that he thought some Officer Cadets were sleeping.

"RIGHT! Who's kippin'?" screamed forth the Sergeant Major. [Add appropriate Scots/Irish/Whatever accent for added authenticity....]

At this point, OCdt Kippen made himself known to the Sergeant Major, whereupon he was marched away to the Academy Guardroom.

One of them Urban Myths, I know - but I have it on good authority that the Officer Cadet in question made it to Major, at least - and if you're reading this, Sir, perhpas you might elaborate?



War Hero
chimp503 said:
It turned out ok tho as it was the 4afa nick in Kingsley barracks, Minden, run by medics, could have had a nice time in the RGJ nick down the road so I still thank my lucky stars

You and me both Chimp. I did my 7 days there for firing the boat train with my partner in pointless crime the Brummie Horn. 4 AFA Gaffer wised up later on and sent anyone jailed down to the Argylles.


Our whole Pl got a show parade one night after someone went "ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh get her" after the Officers Mess CSgt barged his way through the queue for the Armoury.

As first man in the line up at 2200 hrs I started off with the usual number, rank, name and company stuff then finished off with "awarded 1 days show parade 'cos someone said ooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh get her behind CSgt XXXXXXX's back Sir at which point the Bn Ord Offr, Ord Sgt, and everyone else on parade collapsed laughing.
7 days ROP's for failure to attend a parade. Corps weekend, I was an apprentice soldier and the monday was my 18th birthday, so on the sunday I decided to disapear rather than get dicked for fatigues. How was I to know Plt Cpl was going to have a suprise room inspection? Charged on 18th birthday, and that evening I was scrubbing the gym toilets of St Omer Brks with a toothbush


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
Dirty brasses - 1967 - 7 days RPs (IJLB)
AWOL - i.e. late back by 1/2 hour - 10/- fine 1968 (IJLB)

Disobeying a lawful command - reprimand, 3 month report
Disobeying a lawful command - reduced to Pte from LCpl - 1969 -

Various other charges resulting in handing over my wages prior to getting them!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fairly good boy after that.

Good old days my Arrse - the army owes me weeks of wages just for not understanding what a sensitive chap I really was :meditate:


7 days ROP's for making the wa*ker hand movement towards my SSM, and unfortunately not realising that he was watching me doing it.

Now, I was 19 at the time and an immature idiot, but I would have respected him more if he had punched me straight in the face, than getting an ex para pilot to march me to the guardroom.


Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Got done out of money along with the rest of my 8 man room for throwing knives at the lockers, doors and anything else that a knife could stick into, and the day before my passing out parade as well.

at my first posting i got 7 days ROP's for being late for work, however they did try to charge all the singlies in the kitchen for refusing to do block jobs, got out of that by asking the SSM if he would like me to put my hand down a bog then cook his lunch. This of course ment that the only NCO (Royal Scotts) on our floor had to clean the ablushions all my himself while 5 of us shared the sweeping of the corridor and stairs lol.

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