Germans no sense of humour?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bugsy, Jan 27, 2007.

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  1. This is priceless? It's the Kraut Old Bill having a bit of fun with a geezer they stopped on suspicion of drunk driving. In reality, they get him to do the Macarena dance at the side of the road. Watch the two Old Bill behind him giggling like idiots.


    PS. Anybody needing a translation of what they say, let me know.
  2. Rofl, ver funny...

    Ze german p[olice are a bunch of scary buggers...we were dricing through Munich one day when one of the jumped from behind a car and shouted 'achtung!', with a pistol in his hand. Heres me thinking 'oh bollox, im gonna be spending some time in Colditz etc etc.'

    Turned out they were aresting some chap up the street who didnt want to be arrested though.
  3. best (and only) one I've heard from a German was the one about the daddy bull and the baby bull (tell me if you've heard it and want me shot before the punchline) and the daddy bull says, whilst staring at a field of cows: "let's run down there and shag a few cows".. the baby bull then says: "let's walk down and shag them all"

    Not a side splitter at the best of times but both the timing and monotone delivery really made it something else.
  4. A joke originated (in German), if memory serves, by Otto Waalkes. If you're acquainted with the German language, try Heinz Erhardt, Mike Krüger, Harald Schmidt, Stefan Raab, die Torten (bei einem Banküberfall fragte ich höflich: "Können Sie bitte auf 9 mm rausgeben?"). And for political humour you can't beat Dieter Hildebrandt. Wer sagte, dass die Deutschen keinen Humor haben?

  5. One I heard recently in Germany - "Why did my Grandfather cross the road? ................................ To invade France"
  6. I was once taken to the Tigerpalast in Frankfurt. Really quite fun, some really odd acts including a lady who blew huge soap bubbles and danced with them. Fnarr fnarr.

    The German standup comedy routines did lose something by mostly having to be translated for me because it was quickfire stuff but they were certainly enjoing themselves.
  7. Very funny. Right at the end, the guy throws his teddy out of the pram. hahah
  8. My only German joke:

    TV reporter goes to switzerland and stops bloke in the street. Asks him what he thinks of when he sees Swiss flag...

    "Oh justice, cleanliness and our amazing industriousness"

    Next bloke
    "Oh freedom, cuckoo clocks and tremendous chocolate"

    Next bloke
    "Cuckoo clocks, the Red Cross and international peace"

    Next bloke (who turns out to be Bavarian)
    "Geschlectsverkehr. (sexual intercourse)"

    "What! When you look at our esteemed national flag you think of sexual intercourse? Why for god's sake?"

    "Ich dach' immer an geschlechtsverkehr (I always think about sex)"

    I'll get my Loden coat...
  9. Here's a joke (translated from the German).

    Franz goes to church every Friday evening without fail and prays: "Dear god, please let me win the Lotto". He does this for years and years.

    One Friday evening he's in church as usual and fervently whispering his prayer, when there's an almighty crack of lightning and a thunderous voice booms out: "Hey, Franz, give us a chance! Fill out a ticket!"

    I'll just get me coat.

  10. Went into a bar in Cologne. There's German bloke with a fecking huge, horrible dog under his bar stool.

    "Wotcha", I said. "Is that an Alsatian?"

    "Nein. My dog is a bastard", came the reply.
  11. Story doesn't work with the translation of B2stard into 'fatherless'. Fcuk
  12. My next door neighbours are German and they are a right pain, every day this German Shepherd jumps over my fence and takes sh1t on my lawn AND they have this fcuking dog that keeps barking.!


    Explanations of that joke are available for the hard of thinking if required
  13. Yes, I see. Are explanations available as to why you thought that might be humourous even in Germany??
  14. For the Swiss Germans and in some German dialects, the word Bastard when describing a dog means the dog is a mongrel(Mischling) and not a pedigree.
  15. Probably because I have been living in der Vaterland for so long I have been infected.

    Time for some self help therapy, will spend the week end watching Montypython and see if I feel better next week.