Germans invade Wales

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by ViroBono, Dec 8, 2005.

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  1. ViroBono

    ViroBono LE Moderator

    Well, one of them, at least.

    Former German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder has just spent some time improving his English - in Wales, of all places.

    "For you, Englander, the war is over, look you."
  2. Or even "For you, Waliser, etc..." :D
  3. They had a panzer training place there up until very recently....
  4. "Whose coat ist dis jacket?"

    I'll get mine
  5. But you turned round and there it was! Gone!

    I'll get mine too...
  6. Don't you mean, "Zare it voz, gone"

    Now where is it....
  7. whoz bootz zem shoez
  8. Don't come down that ladder Gerhardt, I've taken it away.
  9. "Zer raids in Spain ver mainly by my planes"
  10. The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.

    As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

    In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter.

    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

    By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

    During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
    Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst place....
  11. See those two houses over there? Mine is the one in the middle!
  12. thanks for that you have made an old man happy. However one difference between me and our boxheaded friend is that when i go home to Wales tomorrow I will have to pay four pound eighty for the pleasure of crossing the bridge!!!!!!!!!!!!
  13. Is this a Wah? (And it was more "Over there" than "up" there.)

    Anyway, back to Herr Schroeder:

    Strange, because IMO, there's nothing nothing makes a visit to a quiet country pub more enjoyable than the exchange of some witty repartee and a bloody good grin with a Boxhead.
  14. Where the hell is he going to park his towel at this time of year?

    More to the point, has Recce_Cpl extended an invitation to the Arrse Crawl in Cardiff?
  15. Schloss Martin-nicht un Wah!