Germans get ze hump

ugly

LE
Moderator
#1
Spotted this whilst reading a link in another thread;English swear word enters German dictionary - Telegraph
The best bit has to be DB the German rail operator issuing a 2000 word pamphlet of German words to be used in preferrence to English ones.
I do find it faintly ridiculous on many levels, one that they have the hump about their language evolving as if English has never used any French or German words let alone Hindi and also the fact that they really would have a fit if they tried to understand squaddie german, fick meine alter stieffel!
I will be preparing a run of bumper stickers for thos visiting the fatherland or going sausage side as its now known, the most popular one being "Mein Opa Hat Bombadiert Ihre Schnell Imbiss!"
Alles uber der platz as they say in Bad Naffi.
 
#2
That report is part of the deception plan.

This is what is really happening.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen de world!
 
#7
Will the Boxheads set up special camps where people can concentrate on learning this new style of English?
Apparently if you work at it then it doesn't cost anything, free in fact.
 
#9
Contrary to popular belief, the Germans do have a sense of humour. Work doesn't make you free. The subtle swine.
 
#10
I was once told a translation of a German joke, it went something like this-
Q. What does one flower say to another flower when it wishes to make love?
A. Let us fetch the bee.

The weird thing is, I find it unaccountably hilarious. Really.
 
#11
I was once told a translation of a German joke, it went something like this-
Q. What does one flower say to another flower when it wishes to make love?
A. Let us fetch the bee.

The weird thing is, I find it unaccountably hilarious. Really.
Do you ever leave the house?
 
#13
#14
I was once told a translation of a German joke, it went something like this-
Q. What does one flower say to another flower when it wishes to make love?
A. Let us fetch the bee.

The weird thing is, I find it unaccountably hilarious. Really.
Once upon I time I was dragged to this place by well meaning friends who wanted to show me that Germans really do have a sense of fun and humour

Tigerpalast Varieté Theater Frankfurt- Home

Maybe I was just unlucky, but that joke would have been the highlight.
 
#15
I was once told a translation of a German joke, it went something like this-
Q. What does one flower say to another flower when it wishes to make love?
A. Let us fetch the bee.

The weird thing is, I find it unaccountably hilarious. Really.
Some years ago I had a gang of Irish labourers working for me, one of them told this joke;

A tramp was walking in a farmyard, when the farm dogs came out, he tried to pick up a stone to throw at them, but the stones were frozen to the ground. The tramp said "just my luck, the dogs are loose but the stones are fast"

At this point the entire gang fell about in hysterics, I made my excuses and left.
 
#17
I once took a very attractive young fraulein for a walk in the country. Foolishly, I warned her not to step in aome duck shit. She spent the rest of the walk identifying horse shit, sheep shit, bird shit, cow shit, dog shit etc etc, each time confirming that she was correctly describing each pile in English. It was all very seriously done e.g. She: "Iss ziss sheep shit?"....Me:"correct"....She:"aaah! I sought so!".
 
#19
I once took a very attractive young fraulein for a walk in the country. Foolishly, I warned her not to step in aome duck shit. She spent the rest of the walk identifying horse shit, sheep shit, bird shit, cow shit, dog shit etc etc, each time confirming that she was correctly describing each pile in English. It was all very seriously done e.g. She: "Iss ziss sheep shit?"....Me:"correct"....She:"aaah! I sought so!".
Ze 'Jermannz' are fixated with shit. Their toilets have that little pedestal where you can look at your little creation after pushing it out before flushing it into the Baltic. Probably because so much of their own artwork was destroyed in the bombing of their cities during the last war.

Hitler was a coprophiliac. Nothing he liked more than curling one down on Eva's tits according to testimony from his guards.
 
G

goatrutar

Guest
#20
Ze 'Jermannz' are fixated with shit. Their toilets have that little pedestal where you can look at your little creation after pushing it out before flushing it into the Baltic. Probably because so much of their own artwork was destroyed in the bombing of their cities during the last war.

Hitler was a coprophiliac. Nothing he liked more than curling one down on Eva's tits according to testimony from his guards.
The japs aren't much better. Google "tub girl" or "funnel girl" for much hilarity.


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