Geordie male strippers are ******* puffs

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by TheIronDuke, Nov 14, 2011.

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    I have a slight issue here. I do not do issues or fuss, but if it happens the ARRSE has seldom let me down. So snap to and get good.

    Here's the deal. One of my good chums has a significant birthday soon and I have been tasked with arranging a Strippagram, which will make my chum wish she had never been born. And if one cannot embarrass ones chums on their Big Day, what is the point of getting out of bed in the morning?

    So, I have gone onto a couple of Strippagram websites and yes, they have ripped hunks wearing not very much. So I ring them (steady at the back) and say;

    "Hi. Can I book Desmond and can he turn up as a fireman and hoist my chum over his shoulder?"

    "Yeah, no problem. Give us the date, time and the name of the girl".

    "Bloke. My chum is a guy and she is gay".

    "Nah. We don't do that. We do Hen Nights and birthday parties for girls"

    "You ******* puffs. Let me get this straight? Your chosen career is to turn up, wiggle your arse then strip down to your smalls then drop them and do the windmill with your ******* dick. And you are telling me you are picky about who peers up your starfish? You sir, are a ******* puff".

    By this time I am talking to a dead phone.

    Anyone know of a gay friendly (not, you know, THAT friendly. There will be important people present) stripper in the Toon?
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  2. Does this help ID?

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  3. I have facefucked your dilemma so we shall see what occurs! There must be a stripper out there who is 'Of the Gay'!!
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  4. Classic sir.
  5. A couple of cans of strongbow will get you Jarrod
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  6. Well you obviously are gay friendly (but not THAT friendly) so why not get bladdered and do it yourself?
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  7. You whoring me out now? I don't think i've the physique and I can't dance.
  8. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    You are dead to me. Dead.

    Cheers Sunray. The first one is the one I rang. Take a look at the hunks and one would imagine they all did their gardening uphill. But no. I can book a Triple XXX Rated stripper with strawberries and cream (I didn't ask) but mention that the 'victim' is a gay guy an they get snotty.

    The second is in Newcastle, Australia. I am very fond of my chum but I am fucked if I am flying some fairy half way round the planet to titillate him.
  9. Gay AND cannot dance, your gaydom is hearby revoked!
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  10. (A sensible answer I know, but you do have an issue) -
    Have you thought about ringing a gay bar up and asking them? Surely they get strippers in their bars? Just might be best to get the number before you tell them where the party is, otherwise the gatecrashers might give you more than you bargined for!

    Anyway, I'm sure they'll find someone, most gay men can dance (apart from Jarrod) so a few bob - they'll help out!
  11. I know I'm shit at it. Don't do soft furnishings, hate shopping, can't mince, don't talk funny but I can cook.
  12. Can you not simply hire a rent boy and tell him to get on with it?
  13. Welcome - Sexecute UKs Premier Hunky Male Stripperhis chap travels to the North and abhorrs prejudice...apparently!!
  14. Crack addict would be cheaper maybe.