Geeing up the Swiss

#1
I feel it’s time that Switzerland stopped shi'tting themselves behind the Alps and had a war. Over four hundred years of peace can’t be good for you after all! So lets Gee them up a bit and see if there's any fight left in the sh'it stained lederhosen.

The Swiss used to have a good excuse surrounded by larger powers but now Europe is full of little tin pot states gagging for a hiding. Take the Czech republic for example, sitting there smugly in their Skodas eyeing your pint up. Go on Switzerland have a pop at the fuckers!

The French are always good for a kicking, they usually fold half way through the first round and then try and blame their ring men! It's almost a home game. A surprise attack to capture the Rhone and its delta and “hey presto”, you’re no longer a landlocked sh'it hole. With your fleet of chocolate powered paddle boats and your rack and pinion armoured mountain climbing trams you could rapidly subdue the whole Mediteranean basin. Think of it, Sicilian cheese full of holes. Alpine horns playing in Algeria!

Go on. I’ll hold your coat!
 
#2
Fcuk with the Swiss at your peril. Their army is more than double the size of ours and they have the highest firearm ownership per capita in the developed world at nearly 40% i.e. nearly every bloke over 18 has got a weapon at home.
 
#3
I think they see themselves in more of the role of "The Second", in duels between Nations. All very Victorian and Gentlemanly.

"Here, you two slug it out, and I'll hold your money in the interim"

I kind of admire their attitude. You lot fcuk the world up as much as you want - just leave us alone. And by the way, are you interested in our wide range of banking services. Or maybe some of our weapons? Just in case, you understand.


But I'm biased. I live here, and I love it.

My Father in Law is ex Swiss military. I never realised how scared they were of the Red threat until I spoke to him. They really were ready to man the passes, and try to hold off the Russians. I don't know how successful they would have been, but there is a definite advantage in fighting a purely defensive war, from fully prepared positions, in their kind of terrain.

BTW, as much as I love it. The beer is shite.
 
#4
sandy_boots said:
Fcuk with the Swiss at your peril. Their army is more than double the size of ours and they have the highest firearm ownership per capita in the developed world at nearly 40% i.e. nearly every bloke over 18 has got a weapon at home.
Exactly!

So why are they peeping at Europe from behind a rock?
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#5
And, they have the Swiss Army Knife! Tremble and bow.
 
#6
The french ambassador has apparently just read this link and has offered surrender terms. The Swiss are to get all of Southern France and a night out with Vanessa Paradis.
 
#7
sandy_boots said:
Fcuk with the Swiss at your peril. Their army is more than double the size of ours and they have the highest firearm ownership per capita in the developed world at nearly 40% i.e. nearly every bloke over 18 has got a weapon at home.
And from the noises-off in past weeks, their Leo 2s have been racking up the EFCs at a rare old rate.
 
#8
Switzerland is so mountainous that if you flattened it out the country would be the size of Russia. And we all know what happens to armies that invade Russia.
 

oldbaldy

LE
Moderator
#9
old_fat_and_hairy said:
And, they have the Swiss Army Knife! Tremble and bow.
If they use the thing for picking stones out of 'orses 'ooves we're done for.
 
#10
If you fancy getting a bite from the Swiss, take a stroll into the Vatican and ask whose up for a fight.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#11
There is something deepy evil about a country where a begging junkie is better dressed than you and speaks better English.
 
#12
TheIronDuke said:
There is something deepy evil about a country where a begging junkie is better dressed than you and speaks better English.
(Hee hee) and possibly writes better English too! :D
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#13
It's a little known fact that the Swiss have a long term goal to take over the world! Thier evil conspiracy is subterfuge at it's best. They are planning to make everyone fat and slow by supplying such delicious chocolate. This same sweet that is filled with phernomes that please and satisfy, and remove aggresive thoughts. Just see how it works on women with PMS.
Then, there are the cuckoo clocks. They are evil incarnate! need I say more? I think not.
 
#14
In the 14th & 15th century the Swiss were real badasses,they kicked
the shit out of the Austrians, Burgundians & German Landsknechts & were the most feared mercenaries in Europe.
 
#15
tafft said:
In the 14th & 15th century the Swiss were real badasses,they kicked
the s*** out of the Austrians, Burgundians & German Landsknechts & were the most feared mercenaries in Europe.
Because of their adoption of close order drill involving pikemen. They were eventually undone by the armies of Lombardy who dscovered that if you rolled under the points with a short knife they were effectively defenceless.

Beaten by the Italians? Wellard, innit...
 
#16
rickshaw said:
If you fancy getting a bite from the Swiss, take a stroll into the Vatican and ask whose up for a fight.
I don't know about that. As far as I can tell, there's more life in a tramp's vest than your average Swiss bloke. The Swiss are surely the most boring nonentities on the planet.
 
#17
In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed—but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock.

Orson Wells as Harry Lime in The Third Man
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#19
I seem to recall the Swiss producing a good line in Mathematicians, philosophers, physicists and pschry.........phsysr......head doctors!
 
#20
2 Points.

1) The cuckoo clock comes from Bavaria.
2) Don't mess with the only country in the world to make chocolate that hurts you when you eat it.
 

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